When inlaws and I clash...

[RavensEye]

Ok you know I feel pretty lucky compared to some regarding In-laws I have two brother in laws who are awesome and a father & mother in law that are the closet thing I have to having parents period. Over an almost 11 year relationship I say that there are 4 incidents that I really got into it with them over.... ( one was telling another family member about our divorce and freaking out and my MIL getting made at her son because I told her exactly what I thought )but still I say for that many years that is not bad at all.

However it seems the tables are turning and since my SO is not going to get a backbone and do it I will have to again. See my son he is 5 and well he has nice long hair down almost between his shoulder blades. He looks after it really good for his age. He brushes it ans washes it often. But I keep hearing how my inlaws are threatening to cut it. And when I have seen my father he keeps making passing comments in front of me to my son and I have told I have told hin it will get done when we have the money.. and or when Sylvan wants it cut..

So far my son likes his hair but we made a deal to go to the hair salon where he got his hair cut two years ago. He likes the lady there and as he syas, " She does not hurt me like dad or grandma when she cuts my hair. So I stick by that ... But gee a little kid should not have to worry about grand parents threatening to cut it. I do not care if they mean it jokingly or not it stresses him out unnecessarily....


And now to the second thing as of late My second daughter she sucks her thumb and I know it is not a good thing to do now that she has lost a couple of her teeth but still does threatening to chop her fingers off accomplish anything? NO if anything they make her more scared and more likely to suck her thumb cause that is a security thing for her.

Now I know my grandma use to use such scare tactics with me, however we have a social worker that still check up on us due to the homeschooling thing ( still trying to find excuses to make us quit) . And my thought is what happens if my daughter says something to the worker? I mean God and Goddess I wish they would use some common sense....

SO as I stated before I am probably going to have to be the one to tell them to back off but I think this is a bit much and is a foreshadowing of conflicts to come and in those upcoming cases my SO will have to stand up to them whether he likes it or not . And I am predicting that when these future things do happen it will end our relationship with them which will be sad but I am hoping not..

[RavensEye]

The other issue I had long before these ones was when my FIL told me I should put my second eldest back in school at the time I agreed but not for the reasons he thinks she should... when it comes down to it he insulted my daughter and me as her teacher. IF public schools were so great she would have never been taken out in the first place. I mean just because she cannot answer his questions within a snap of a finger does not mean she is stupid or does not know anything.

And I tell you that conversation in the van on the way home was really the first argument that we got into as well. I am just sick of people who put me down for homeschooling and being rude about it. I have no tolerance for it and I am very short in the temper and tolerance department then I have ever been.

As far as I am concerned concern is one thing but out right insults and rudeness are not acceptable. I love my inlaws but I really do think they need to be reminded that they are the grandparents NOT the parents, and do not have any right to dictate to me or their son how to raise our kids. Respecting boundaries is what I think they need to be reminded of.


*end of rant* :fpraise:sorry but that was needed :D

[Zhr Morgana]

_handclapp:hailmol:_handclapp

[RavensEye]

:fpraise:thank you :hehehe:

[daphenrose]

You know, if you don't set the boundaries now, then it will continue to get worse. First off, your SO needs to step up and be the one doing the talking. Its not right that its all being put off on you. However, it took my hubby many years to finally make a stand. We eventually had to just discontinue visits with his family because it got so bad as far as interfering with our raising of our children. My FIL even called my oldest an idiot with me sitting there. I don't care if he was being a dope or not, as a grandparent who rarely see's his grandson as it is, calling him names and ridiculing him is NOT appropriate. If I would have put my foot down earlier instead of just swallowing it and allowing it, it probably wouldn't have gotten to two years of them not being allowed around their grandkids. But having some other adult undermining your parenting, and making your kids feel bad is not ok. I don't care who they are. And you shouldn't either. I am a hardass when it comes to my childrens wellbeing tho. My hubby finally put his foot down and said if you can't be nice to be around we aren't going to be around you. It worked. Luckily for me I don't even have to deal with his family anymore. *they are pretty toxic nasty people anyway*
I say, tell the inlaws if they want to spend time with the grandkids they need to stop being so critical. They aren't the parents. You are.
Good luck.
daphne

[Revilo]

Hun if you do have such a nice relationship with them, could you not sit them down and say something to them?

Your post caught my eye because my brother had long hair when we was little (well actually just a weird ponytale thing at the back) but so many people used to tell him they were gonna cut it off and that it looked stupid including my grandmother. He of course loved it. The thing i've realised about grandparents is that they always pick up on the little things (my dads favourite is about fingernails being cut, but i swear its because he is worried about being scratched when playing) It's easy for them to pick up on these things becuase they have little else to worry about as far as the child is concerned.

And to be honest they probably dont realise how much its annoying/upsetting you. Maybe just letting them know that it is could be enough for them to realise they've voiced their opinion and its time to zip it.