Hecate

[Nina]

My guide and support through the tough changes in my life, I know you are at my shoulder again. However often these changes have happened, and I know that they have been for the best, they are still so difficult to handle. The tears I shed are in fear of the pain, but I know that you are by my side. My desire for stability and peace is so strong, but you tell me that more needs to happen before I can reach this goal.

Help me face these changes with dignity and courage, with patience and serenity. Help me share my feelings when needed, and not burden my friends and family when they have more than enough to cope with.

Hecate, I still dream of happiness and security. I pray that this is eventually my destiny.

Help me to stay positive, and to dispell these feelings of hopelessness.

So mote it be.

[Nina]

A day of peace - thank you.
A day with no insecurity - thank you.
A day of happy thoughts - thank you.
A day of happy conversations with my parents - thank you.
A day of productiveness - thank you.
A day without worry - thank you.

Guide me forward with a sure step, a light heart, and a brave mind.

Thank you.

[Nina]

OK, I spoke too soon.

May I learn to keep my mouth shut in future. Hecate, please help me in my efforts to avoid foot in mouth disease in future, and bless Phil for not being angry with me. Friends are such precious gifts, and I nearly threw the gift away. May I be able to build the bridges to keep this friendship intact.

So mote it be.

[Nina]

The changes are beginning, and they hurt. The trouble is, I don't know how far these changes will spread. What part of my life will stay the same? Will any of it? I have faced all of this with as much serenity as I can muster, but at night I cannot stop the tears. My future is clouded, and I know this is the way it must be, but surely my desire for stability is not wrong?

This year has been so hard. Lend me your strength and your singularity of purpose, my Queen, guide me through this. Bring me out of the other side of this freezing fog that is my life right now.

[Nina]

Hecate, my Queen, at this time of the New Moon, I have been looking forward to the new beginning of some time with my beloved. Now we have heard that he may be delayed coming home - all because of bureaucracy. My Queen, I give all my energies tonight to speed the paperwork through, so he may get on that flight back to the UK tomorrow. I ask you to join your energies with mine and get that letter sorted and the visa issued.

My Queen, I also ask you to protect him, to help him through this change in plans that has brought him so low, and made him so frustrated. Give him the strength to accept this and cope with the next few days.

So mote it be.

[Nina]

Hecate,

Today I should be waking up in the arms of my beloved. And yet we are still 2,000 miles apart. I feel like a child, completely unable to do anything about it. Help me find the strength to cope with this, and give him the strength to carry on until they do sort out his visa. And please speed everything through quickly!!

So mote it be.

[Nina]

Hecate, you are silent with me. I feel your presence, and your hand upon my shoulder, but you say nothing. I am so angry, and so frustrated. There is nothing I can do except pray that he comes home safely. I feel guilty for my anger, because it is so much worse for him, stuck and unhappy. He's talking about resigning when he gets home, and I know that these extra days in the desert are making him more determined to quit. I don't know how to support him with 2,000 miles between us. I can only do what I am doing on e-mail, and it seems such a pathetic effort. I ask you for answers, but you give me none. You know that I have little patience - a failing I have always had - but I try so hard, and succeed, when he is away normally. Now though, the 'not knowing' is tearing me apart, sinew by sinew. Hecate, take me through this dark time in my heart, lead me back to the serenity that always comes when I follow my true path. Bring him home to me, my Queen, bring him home soon.

[Nina]

Hecate my Queen, I now know your silence is because there is a purpose to our separation. I must learn patience, and he is finding he misses me more and more. Thank you for helping me to be upbeat and cheerful when we spoke on the phone last night. Thank you for helping me find the words to make him laugh, and to tell him how much I feel for him. Thank you for giving him the strength to carry on through this time.

But please, please, please... no later than Monday... PLEASE!!!

So mote it be, my Queen!

[Nina]

I kneel and ask you why? Why the wait? Why can't you kick the living daylights out of the backsides of those bureaucratic idiots holding up the visa? You kicked me in the butt hard enough to get me moving, can't you do the same to them?

I sit quietly, and I hear your soft reply.

"My child, when I kicked your butt, it took you years before you moved."

Oh yeah. I forgot that.

Even in the midst of my exceedingly foul mood, you never fail to inspire me. I smile, feel small and insignificant for a moment, but always within the circle of your protection. OK, laugh at me, I say, but we laugh together.

[Nina]

Thank you, my Queen - we may not have the visa, but Alex is keeping positive, and not succumbing to depression. We know that we have each other, and that however long the wait, we will enjoy our reunion!

I pray that you will stay by my side, and aid me as I send as much energy as I can to him.

So mote it be.

[Nina]

Hecate my Queen,

Thank you for bringing him home to my arms. Bless him with your strength in times of darkness. He protects himself so well, and I know he fears getting hurt again. I know he loves me, but the barriers he has around his life are difficult for me to deal with, although I understand them well. He protects me too - I offer him my heart and soul, and the rest of my life, and he closes my hands, hugs me, and says "not yet". I know this is the man for me - give me the patience and strength to wait for him to open his heart fully to me.

My Queen - your guidance is the light that turns me from the wrong path. Let me know which way to go.

[Nina]

Hecate, my Queen...

Once again, you have showed me the way by a kick up the ass. Much softer than last time, but it still smarts! Once again, I have ignored my intuition, and I am paying the price. Fortunately, this time it is not a financial price.

I believe that I have attracted another control freak. Another man who hides things. Who will not keep his word. Who does not give me the respect I deserve. Right now I feel insulted.

I drove 200 miles on Wednesday night to collect him from the airport. I spent 36 hours with him. He said he would come down to see me this weekend. Now he says he is decorating, and he doesn't know whether he will come down. I made the effort to collect him, and he can't make the effort to come and see me? After he said he would?

I do love him, Hecate, but then I loved the other men that have hurt me. Thank you for opening my eyes. Thank you for the two gentle people who saw that I should go slow with this, and that things may not be everything they seem.

It is time for me to move on, and continue to discover myself. I'm done with shedding tears of frustration. Now is the time to embrace each day for what it brings, and to bring my good energy to each day.

Bless and keep the two people who have been Your way of opening my eyes.

Bless my family and friends. Bless me, my Queen, and stand with me as I face my crossroads. Bless me with the clarity of vision to choose the right path.

So mote it be.

[Nina]

Hecate my Queen,

Bless and keep my family and friends who have been so supportive. Both Mum and Jill have so much more to worry about and to struggle with each and every day. My recent hurt and upset is nothing to the physical difficulties and pain they face stoically and bravely hour in, hour out. They, and the men that love them so dearly, are my inspiration now and always.

Keep them strong in your protection.

So mote it be.