HELP! Catholicism to Paganism

[~niamh_x~]

OK. I know there are postings everywhere about this, but I was hoping I can get some personal anecdotes from this thread.

My scoop-- have felt that I've been a Pagan all my life, but only in the last year could I put a name to that feeling. I'm coming out of the (broom) closet inch by inch to my family/boyfriend-- he sees me reading Pagan literature and has heard my end of various religious discussions with friends; and after a few months of hinting around, I told my Mom last night that I would not call myself Catholic anymore, that I am Pagan.

I think eventually she COULD be more understanding, and I actually thought she DID understand until I heard her reaction last night. She said "*sigh* I don't think you've thought about this enough. You've been Catholic all your life. Your (paternal, dead) grandmother would be so disappointed. You can't tell your father."

I basically told her that she probably doesn't know enough about Paganism to really have a balanced view. I'm sending her some brief literature via e-mail today. Hopefully she'll read it. And eventually I WILL tell my Dad-- I mean, he'll find out sure enough when I tell him I won't be married in a church by a priest.

SO MY POINT is this.. HOW do I come out? To my boyfriend (of 5 years) and my Dad? Everyone else (co-workers, team members, friends) I will play by ear. I'm not worried about them- how often does faith come up in those circles anuyway?). The kicker is that we were never staunchly Catholic (C & E Christians); and my dad (a big 6'4'' blue collar moody temperamental guy) would NOT be open to reading any Pagan literature. The bf is far from being a practicing Catholic, probably would not read literature on it...

Any stories or help other than the typical "Just do it"?? I appreciate the help... :)

[MammaStar]

I was there too. My boyfriend and I met when I was about 3 months away from my "year & a day" studies. He saw my books and once saw the bowl I leave out for "the little people". I just told him and he was like 'Okay' and never said anything else about it. He's a member here at MW (though not a very active one). He's not religious either. If I *HAD* to put a label, it'd be "agnostic" for him.

My Mom, I just blurted it out one day over dinner and I got something along the same as your reaction "Why can't you just do what I did? Wait till "J" is confirmed then change?" J is my son who's now 10 and she wasn't too thrilled about me raising him on the Pagan path. My answer was "I'm not you. This is what I'm doing." and she left it at that. And she laid the guilt trip (tried to at least) about my maternal grandparents rolling in their graves.

Eveyone else in my family, I haven't really "officially" said anything. BUT, a few weeks ago, we went to the local Ren Faire. I was there with both brothers & their families and my best friend & her family. We all went into (with the exception of my 6 yr old niece & her mom) an exhibit about "torture and medieval weapons". They had of course, "witch burning at the stake" and at the end of that part, our guide says "Is anyone here a witch". Well, I just smikred but EVERYONE in my family, including my boyfriend & son all turned & looked right at me. So I guess, my brothers do know! :lol:

My Dad too, I think *knows* or thinks he knows something. The situation I am in, I must share a house with him, so I keep all my stuff in my room, but you can only hide so much when everyone is in one house.

Do what feels right to you. Sit down with your boyfriend and talk about how you feel. Show him your books and literature you have. I'm sure it'll work out fine. :D :sunny:

[Tammy Sullivan]

Why do you feel that you have to "come out"?
Maybe it is better if you just let your personality show it rather than get into an arguement that could be avoided. Is this a step you feel you should take to present yourself as pagan or as independent? Just something to think about.

[FlamedLilly]

I can totally understand I'm just starting to research the pagan religion, for like 3 months now, and I think one of the major things that's holding me back is how is my mother going to react to this. She's always been a big part of my life and a great influence on me, and I know that what ever decision I make is mine but I'm having a hard time telling her about it becuase I know I'll get much the same reaction you did, you haven't thought about his enough, or worse the guilt trip, where did I (mom) go wrong when I was raising you. I hate that she can still get me with that one.

I still think though that you can't let what others think influence a decision you make in your own life. Granted if it involves them then they must be considered as well but in the end it's going to be your decision alone. If you wait and keep on the path you're on you'll know when the time is right, if ever to tell them, then their hearts and minds will be open and they will be able to understand.

[Sequoia]

Wow, you've been with your boyfriend for three years and you think he doesn't know you that well yet? I am surprised!

Sometimes going slowly can be alright. Leave little 'clues' by accident. . . maybe leave a book out, or wear a necklace? Maybe ask them what they belive in, their personal views?

My dad was startled at first, I think. He also tried to dissaude me from wearing anything obvious, such as a pentacle. Eventually, though, I belive he became used to it. It isn't exactly a raving discussion topic, but he doesn't try to change me anymore. Often times, things can be firey at first, but if you give it time, they calm down.

Hey there, FlamedLilly! Welcome! :D

[~niamh_x~]

...for your insight. You have no idea how much your posts (advice, opinions, etc.) help me out. It's so great to have people to talk to to who are or have been in the same boat. Brightest blessings to you all!!!

PS-- Greta-- I don't really feel like I have to come out of the closet to EVERYONE, but I DO want to feel comfortable enough talking about becoming a Pagan to my Mom and my boyfriend at least. Rather than have them suspiciously checking out my pentagram or kind of wondering what I do at my altar, I'd rather they KNOW that I'm a Pagan and what it's about. I'd rather have them know than have them guessing and undereducated about what I AM doing...

[Flar's Freyja]

I can identify with the part of your post about no one ever being staunchly Catholic anyway. We've only had one person in the family who was devout. I have a cousin who returned to the faith after supposedly being involved in a "hard-core coven" while she was doing drugs and told me that what I am doing is evil ~ yet she asks a lot of questions and even asked me how to do a candle spell. Come on, how could you have ever been involved in the craft and not know how to do a candle spell?

I'd have to ask the same question that Greta did. Why do you feel you need to "come out"? I live in a small midwestern bible-thumping town in addition to having the above-mentioned relatives. I find that it serves me no purpose to advertise my religion. If anyone asks, I will answer but I feel no need to come forward unless I am put into a situation where it's necessary for some reason. Right now, I find myself having to explain things to some who don't understand my path because we are being handfasted in February. Flar's mom is very open-minded and this has been a great opportunity for teaching. She was very impressed with some info I sent her regarding the meaning of Imbolc, the Sabbat that we have plannned our ritual for. It's been an opportunity to show how beautiful our path really is.

I've been able to have some fun with it. I have a beautiful statue of the Blessed Virgin that one of my aunts made for my mother. I inherited it when she passed away. She is the Goddess representation on my altar. And who knows candles and incense better than a Catholic? :T

[buttercup]

I've been where you are. I was a practicing catholic when my husband and I married and we have been raising our children catholic. (they are 8 and 6). Even while catholic I always knew my beliefs weren't by-the-book. I have been studying paganism now for 3 years and I can't say that I have really "come out". However, my family and friends all know my beliefs. I've never hidden it. In fact, they ask me about my beliefs quite a bit. I think that when families and friends of pagans react negatively, it is usually out of concern because paganism is so misrepresented in our society. Let them see by the example of how you live your life and how your spiritual beliefs shape your choices in life that there is nothing to fear from it. The literature you are providing them with is a good start, but who you are is the best example of what paganism is.
My husband is still catholic and our children attend catholic school. We all go to church together as a family. Christians and pagans, IMO, really aren't that different when you get down the basics. You've got good ones, you've got bad ones. Some talk it, some walk it. The comments about grandma being disappointed? Coming from a catholic family, they'd honestly be just as disappointed if I had become lutheran or protestant or muslim or mormon. Religion is personal to most people, even if they don't practice. It's tradition.
Now that I've rambled.....the best way to come out may be to simply live your life. Tell them what your comfortable with and then let them see what being pagan means in your life by how you live that life.

[wicca3000200020]

Well catholisim is a form of paganism. They bow down to idols and pray to them. They pray to them like they are Gods and paganism has many gods. The God that the christians are worshiping do not allow them to have idols nor bow down to them nor serve them. note this back.

[Nina]

... very interesting topic for me right now! New boyfriend is practicing Church of England. He doesn't know the extent of my beliefs, although I have given him a brief run down on my sprirituality - rather vague!

My altar is in my bedroom, and hasn't been changed, even when he (blush) stays here.

The funny thing is, he's a geologist, and I dragged him into my favourite rock shop the other week. He picked up a beautiful piece of rose quartz, looked at me, and said "rose quartz... the crystal of love!" I nearly admitted to him that every time I see him I have a piece of rose quartz in my pocket!!!!

So, I'm not going to change my beliefs, but I wouldn't change his either. Just a little bit nervous about talking to him in depth about it all.

Mind you, it's all very new, so maybe I shouldn't worry about it yet!!!

[wicca3000200020]

I am not telling you to convert but tell him that if you love me then you convert. He is already doing pagan things so it wont make any diffrence. note this back.

[FlamedLilly]

I don't understand why if pagans don't try to convert people a pagan would tell someone one else to tell someone they loved, if you love me convert, In my opinion if you make someone prove their love for you to you then YOU don't love them, I would not suggest this approach.

[Nina]

I certainly won't tell him to convert. I like it that he has faith and spirituality - even if it isn't the same as mine.

As far as I am concerned, there are many ways to reach the divine. And if the way for him is through Christianity, then that is his way. It isn't mine. But I think Hecate would scare him witless... she does that to me occasionally!;)

Who knows where this will lead. The Goddess brought him into my life, gave it a little stir, and now she is sitting back, and telling us to get on with it. She never promised to bring me a pagan lover..!!

[wicca3000200020]

Well may your path be good and prosperus.

[Nina]

Thank you, and may the Goddess bless you too!

We all have our individual lives and opinions, and I do appreciate you sharing yours. Big hugs!

[jelly.belly]

I'd really like to help you, but my experience wasnt, um... As great as I wanted it to be...

My mom is kind of a closed minded person, but on some points tho, she's very open... Anyway, we were talking one day and I just told her "What would you say if i told you i was a pagan/witch?" and she actually laughted :eek: and then said something like "We'll see if that ever happens!" So, I just blurted out a "Mom, I'm a pagan/witch" and she kinda stopped laughing... I didn't really take it as a good sign, and since then, she's trying to "convert" me to "the right path" :rolleyes:
And then, when we were at my granma's, which is like 10 times more close minded then my mom, without the open-minded part on some points, and she said something about me not believing in "God"... You should've seen my granma's face... priceless, really... And i had a little speach about how i would go to hell and some thing like that, so the best thing I found to say was, and believe me it works, was:
" Well, I believe that you're judged by what you are, not by what you believe in, and if your God sends all the Buddhists, Hindus, etc, to hell, then I'd better go to hell with them then to believe in an awful God like that!"
And they never talked to me about it again! :D
But leaving hints is a very good idea! My mom kinda knew before i told her, and my stepdad doesnt really care (He really believes in science or something like that) he even brought me an article about witchcraft one time... you shouldve seen my moms face.. again, priceless... So now, I just hide my stuff in my room... :D So, no judgement or anything! But most of my friends (like the whole school) know, and they’re really ok with it, one of my friends is even kind of a natural born witch and she totally understand my beliefs, so it’s really cool! :)

[Emaleth]

I understand all of you very well! I have no need of "advertising my religion", but when my mom tells me that I'm a heretic, cause I don't go to church makes me want to blurt out the whole truth.

I've left hints: incense, candles, pentacle, I even told my parents about the Sabbats and they were interested but they have no idea that there's a religion called Paganism. They know about my views on different things but don't relize it is connected with religion. My mom thinks I'm just having a faith crisis or maybe that I'm lazy...

I want to tell them someday , but first I have to move out and become financially independent. Otherwise they will always tell me to do what they want.

Blessed Be