Need to vent

[Sacreligioushippie]

Ok so they are my in laws yet but my fiance's brother and sister-in-law are expecting twins. They had agreed that they would each pick the godparents for each of the twins. My SIL picked her close friend and her brother. My BIL picked my fiance and myself. One of my SIL's other friends is really ticked about not being picked and is fighting with the friend she did pick and they're putting her in the middle. So my BIL comes to me and asks me if I'll step down. I foolishly said yes and I'm extremely upset about it. (I know it sounds stupid because I'm pagan, but it was my only chance at being a godmother). After taking my anger out on my poor fiance, he's told his brother that I need to think about it. Am I being selfish for wanting to hold my place as godmother? What kind of friends does my SIL have if they are going to fight over who's going to be a godparent? Am I the only one who's a little disappointed that neither of these people are willing to stand up and say "we're the parents, we decide"? I would have been fine with everything if they hadn't picked me and then asked me to step down.

[LizaBeams]

Heaven Forbid anything should happen to the parents of this child. But should the need ever arise for the godparents to step in and assume their roles; Then me feels that this "friend" being upset about not getting the grand title of "godparent", having a complete hissy fit/ temper tantrum over it and making everyone feel guilty for making the "right decision" to begin with. She does'nt appear mature or selfless enough to be handed a child whom would (under the theoretic events) be in need of serious comfort, patience, love, understanding... etc etc....

Don't step down, if anything should happen, those kids will need someone just like YOU!!!

At the end of the day this is'nt about her feelings, but what is best for the child, should that child ever need the GPs to step in.

[PandoraHealer]

no crap----

I agree with the above post--- if something were to happen to the parents---- would those kids be ok with her as thier new parent?

We didn't pick god-parents....

Don't step down--- but don't make a scene about your end either--- just tell them that you want them to SERIOUSLY consider what would happen if they were both killed--- who do they want thier kids to go to?

~PH

[Sacredsin]

I agree with the above two posts. Don't give up your place as possible god parent as you're probably the best choice for the job by the sounds of it.

[Ceres]

Are these parents legally designating two sets of parents in the event they should die in their will? Is it made legally clear who will have custody of the children and inherit the estate? Or is this a matter of who takes the role of guardian in a religious context only?

[Lunacie]

Are these parents legally designating two sets of parents in the event they should die in their will? Is it made legally clear who will have custody of the children and inherit the estate? Or is this a matter of who takes the role of guardian in a religious context only?

Yep, that's what I was wondering. There can be a big gap between being a godparent and becoming a child's legal guardian or being expected to adopt the child. It's possible the grandparents would want to take the children, but otherwise the courts will generally favor another family member - like a sibling (a brother eh?). Especially if they can keep the children together in their new home in the case something unfortunate happens to both parents.

[Sacreligioushippie]

This is just in a religious context although my SIL's chosen godparents seem to think that they are getting one of the children if something happened to my BIL & SIL. We're going to their house today to talk about it because I'm upset and so is my fiance. He actually told his brother that he'll step down as godfather because he doesn't like the other woman that they want to replace me with (she's a drunk). One of the things that really bothered me was my BIL said he asked to replace me because the other woman is more well-off than my fiance and I or the other godparents. That and he says they've known her longer than me. Its actually his wife that knows her and he told my fiance and I that he wanted "stable" godparents for at least one of the kids. I'll have to see how everyting goes today. Thanks everyone for your input :)

[LizaBeams]

"stable" godparents for at least one of the kids.


Ok, now I'm seething.... Since when is a drunk "stable":confused:



... sorry, going back to lurker mode now

[oceandreams]

This isn't a good situation to be in is it? If it were me I'd step down and let them pick who they want, even if they're only doing it to keep the peace. They might be making a poor choice but at the end of the day, it's their poor choice to make, right?

[DreamSpell333]

This is just in a religious context although my SIL's chosen godparents seem to think that they are getting one of the children if something happened to my BIL & SIL. We're going to their house today to talk about it because I'm upset and so is my fiance. He actually told his brother that he'll step down as godfather because he doesn't like the other woman that they want to replace me with (she's a drunk). One of the things that really bothered me was my BIL said he asked to replace me because the other woman is more well-off than my fiance and I or the other godparents. That and he says they've known her longer than me. Its actually his wife that knows her and he told my fiance and I that he wanted "stable" godparents for at least one of the kids. I'll have to see how everyting goes today. Thanks everyone for your input :)

I think it was good that your fiance stepped down because they asked you to.. Since you both would soon be married it would be only right tht you both raise the child in question if anything were to happen to your future BIL and SIL. I would just let them pick who they think it fit to be godparents even if the choices they make are wrong.. It's their lesson to learn.
If it's only in relgious context and anything were to happen, I would think the family would have say before the godparents in custody.

[HetHert]

Perhaps you all could share the roll with the other contender up for the task of god parenting. Is that a possibility worth exploring?

[LadyWinter]

Ok so they are my in laws yet but my fiance's brother and sister-in-law are expecting twins. They had agreed that they would each pick the godparents for each of the twins. My SIL picked her close friend and her brother. My BIL picked my fiance and myself. One of my SIL's other friends is really ticked about not being picked and is fighting with the friend she did pick and they're putting her in the middle. So my BIL comes to me and asks me if I'll step down. I foolishly said yes and I'm extremely upset about it. (I know it sounds stupid because I'm pagan, but it was my only chance at being a godmother). After taking my anger out on my poor fiance, he's told his brother that I need to think about it. Am I being selfish for wanting to hold my place as godmother? What kind of friends does my SIL have if they are going to fight over who's going to be a godparent? Am I the only one who's a little disappointed that neither of these people are willing to stand up and say "we're the parents, we decide"? I would have been fine with everything if they hadn't picked me and then asked me to step down.

I guess I am a bit confused....You seem very emotional over this when really its nothing. You will be the aunt to these kids and very influential in their lives without being a god parent. Why is it your only chance at being a godmother? I am godmother to one child...a best friends daughter...Do you have no friends?

You ask what kind of friend is she to fight over being a godmother....You are mad over the issue...so that makes you the same kind of friend....or future SIL. You want the parents to step up and say they want to decide....didnt they do that by asking you to step down?

Being a godparent is really nothing unless its a legal issue. I am listed in the will of the above mentioned individual to actually accept custody of the child should she and her husband die before it reaches the age of maturity. Unless, stated in a will, and sometimes not even if its in a will, custody goes to blood family members first often....so being a godparent isnt that big of a deal.

Besides, as an aunt you can spoil them sugar them up and send them home, you will see them more often than any godparent.

Winter

[Sacreligioushippie]

Well the issue was resolved. They replaced the other woman with the "drunk" and kept me as the godmother of the other child. They did it this way because the other woman is "on again off again" with the other godfather and when they're off she won't speak to my SIL.

To Lady Winter, I had been arguing with myself over "they're the parents, they should decide". I've said that all along and felt like a total hypocrite because I wouldn't step down as asked. My problem was that they already chose me a month ago and then my BIL (without asking my SIL) tried to take it back just so her friends could keep the peace and "share the wealth".

Thank you all for listening to my rant. :)