how to reprogram urself??

[yukiperv]

hello...um where to begin well ever since i was yong i was raised by a christian family but i never felt like it suited me in my heart....then when i got older i discovered wicca and became fasinated... well i was told for years my dad was into magic (at this time i hadnt met him yet) and to my grandperants(the ones who raised me) it was evil or against the will of god...but i wanted to know if it was REALLY that evil...and what i discovered was it wasnt....infact chritianity caused more bloodshed than the pagans...so with this new info i tried to confront them and explain...but it was in vain....so i started studying in private....but i couldnt get very far with out being suspitious...eventially my dad came into my life (more like saved my life lol) and evntually i moved in with him....and had the freedom to study as far as my curiostity can take me....but i still feel a block in my contous...i may be free from my granperants but...i still feel wierd

are there any ways that can help me try and reprogram myself the way i WANTED to be? or anything that could help

[PandoraHealer]

Hey there--- I think I know what you mean-- but correct me if I'm wrong.

I was raised christian as well-- and I secretly discovered Paganism through the girls at school.
I finally told my mom I was interested in the religion, and she took me to a great Pagan book store, to metaphysical fairs, all kinds of places. I was pagan.
I purposly did not ever tell (and still haven't) my grandparents. (and a few other members of the family)-- I know/knew that it would basically break thier hearts to know that I wasn't christian, and didn't believe in that faith.

My grandmother died last year- and I know she went where she was supposed to--- and I'm still glad I never told her but I do have that guilt feeling that I feel like I was lying to her. When she was dying- she would ask me to pray with her-- and I would.

I felt bad then, and I feel bad now-- but I made the decision that NOT telling her would hurt less than telling her.

Does that make sense? I don't think that helped you any but if it did-- let me know-- if not, ... I'll try again... lol

~PH

[Windygo]

I wouldn't go so far to say as Christians caused more bloodshed than Pagans, that's not true.

If you still feel strange, then I'd say that maybe the paticular Wicca or pagan religion you've found isn't for you either. Sit down and figure out what it is that you believe in, what you feel is right, without a whole lot of influence from either religion. (For instance, I believed in reincarnation before I was old enough to even know the word.) Then, go from there, and find something that suits your beliefs and philosophies. You may not find one, but there's no shame in that. Paganism is a very wide range of people and religons, there's lots to explore.

(Even Christian Witchcraft!)

[EJ1096]

I too was raised in a VERY Catholic family. Its hard when you have no support or freedom to "feel" the way your instinct tells you. It can be very difficult to live with your family and their belifes but stay true to yourself. Personally I attempt to squash any religious debate with my family very quickly. I dont need to justify my belifs to them.

Now on to "reprogramming" yourself. I can only speak for me and what works for me when I feel the way you do. I try and take a walk in a wooded area. and just observe nature.. take it all in. Use all your senses (except maybe taste :) ) then close your eyes. Now concentrate on the feeling. What does the it feel like to be out with nature. Thats what I do when I have had enough of people and their pushy opinions. That for me is like a "spiritual" reset button.

I do other things as well, the biggest being reading and resarch. I look into where Ideas for things came from. For example ask a christian what a big pine tree and fire has to do with a babys birthday (christmas)...Not too many Pine trees in the dessert. Also What does an egg laying bunny have to do with a guy comming back to life. I guess What im trying to say is when I feel the way you do I dont look at it as I need "Reprogramming". I just need reminding. Reminding of who I really am and how to stay true to myself and not fold under the pressure of Popular scocity. I do this by finding thoes little underlying "pagan" building blocks that are all around us. The moment that you can look at something be it thought, or physical and know that what ever Idea or Item that your looking at has a greater history than what is being portrayed....Is the moment you will feel that you have stayed true to yourself and your belifs.

This is a total ramble and may or may not make any sense it is far too many hours past my bed time. If anything in this post helped you I am really happy and a bit supprised. If none of this helped than I hope you at least had a really funny confused look on your face while reading...

[EJ1096]

I wouldn't go so far to say as Christians caused more bloodshed than Pagans, that's not true.

If you still feel strange, then I'd say that maybe the paticular Wicca or pagan religion you've found isn't for you either. Sit down and figure out what it is that you believe in, what you feel is right, without a whole lot of influence from either religion. (For instance, I believed in reincarnation before I was old enough to even know the word.) Then, go from there, and find something that suits your beliefs and philosophies. You may not find one, but there's no shame in that. Paganism is a very wide range of people and religons, there's lots to explore.

(Even Christian Witchcraft!)

I just got done re reading my post.... I had a funny confused look on my face. So

I totaly agree with what Windygo said. I will tell you what I was told once. Read, reasarch, ask questions, test answers, listen to your gut... if it feels wrong it just might not be for you.

I'm going to bed now.

[yukiperv]

thank you very much for the advice whether it be confusing of not lol:lol: and as far as what EJ1096 said i might try that (the walking thing) unfortunately there arent any places like that where i live but ill try ust relaxing in the back yard at night :uhhuhuh:

[Willow Rosette]

I agree with whoever said if your not finding peace with it then it might not be your exact path. Re-examine what you believe. Sometimes even sitting down and writing it out helps to. You dont have to have a "title" or specification of what you are either. You are You and that should be good enough.

On a side note Philosophia is doing a class that might help you examine it. We arent very far along into it, she might let you join and catch up.

[LadyCelt]

I think the hardest part for me was getting over the guilt and the fear. not sure if i'd say reprogramming helps so much as renewing yourself and your faith, but that is up to you to do.

[coeur]

I suggest you don't antagonize Christianity. I believe Christianity is a noble religion despite not being a Christian and I think understanding Christianity and its history is key to understanding Western society from an academic perspective. No one can verify that Christianity has caused more bloodshed than any other religious group. If I remember correctly, Christians were fed to lions and used as human torches by the Romans in the early days of the religion; furthermore, Christian missionaries have been preyed upon in areas like Japan for religious reasons as well. Pagans are just as capable of killing each other for religious reasons and yes, some polytheist religions have practiced human sacrifice throughout the course of history. Christians are just as capable of intelligence, kindness, tolerance, understanding, and magic as much as anyone else.

You have commented that you want to 'reprogram' yourself so that you can be what you have wanted to be; however, I suggest that what you want to be and what you are can be very different. A very watered down example: Victorian women frequently suppressed their desire for sexual experiences because they believed sexual desire was not 'proper;' however, that didn't change the fact that they had sexual desire. In this case, having sexual desire and denying it was unhealthy.

Similarly, it appears you are trying very hard to reject Christianity and conform to some kind of paganism--but that isn't going very well. Perhaps, in all actuality, you believe in the notion of one God and a messiah named Jesus as well as a Holy Ghost and I suggest there's no shame in that since many magicians operate under a Christian model of magic. Magic is areligious; you don't need to have a religion to practice it. You can just as well be Muslim or Christian or Jewish and practice magic. It's not an idea that people offer in books under the New Age section of Barnes and Noble and it's not an idea that Christians want to back up in church--but it's true and Christians have had a long history of practicing magic. Or perhaps you just don't buy some parts of paganism; frankly, I don't buy many parts of paganism either. I believe in one God but in a very ambiguous Taoist sense. And that's perfectly okay as well. Your spirituality is personal and no one has any right to say that you must fit any spiritual mold and be like any other person spiritually. It's quite okay to go it alone. It's okay to disregard what books say from time to time.

It's just a suggestion since you seemed to mention Christianity an awful lot for someone who has decided to part ways with it.

[Xentor]

It's just a suggestion since you seemed to mention Christianity an awful lot for someone who has decided to part ways with it.

I'd say that people wanting to part from something, normally will mention it a lot. It's the first step towards reprogramming: recognising what it is that is troubling, identifying it, and then taking distance from it. It doesn't work without mentioning its name.

The next step is to understand its influence in one's life thus far. That requires getting to know oneself. One has to come to terms with certain positive influences, without having to accept the entirity. This creates a paradox most have to learn how to accept... a process which can take a long time.

In the mean time, the search for a new spiritual path should start. One will try to replace the previous one, and only time will learn that total replacement rarely succeeds: traces of the old path usually linger. One has to come to terms with that as well. Fortunately the person changing already understands this part of the process may take several years.

For instance, it took me several months to realise Christianity no longer fitted me, a year to find a new path, and about a decade to get comfortable with the notion that some of my spiritual tenets and social ethics are derived from Christianity.

[forsaken]

If I didn't find the answer in all the posts sorry I'll look again. I understood the reprogramming yourself like reversing the sacraments you took during your life as a christian. I didn't find the answer yet. Now is there a ritual, spell or something with which you can reverse the baptism for example and any other sacrament you took? I'm talking about like you're having a ritual bath to clean yourself before the ritual but not in that way, just to clean yourself from those sacraments. To be clean of anything unwanted. Anyone understands what I'm saying?

[Shawn Cameron]

I understand what you mean forsaken though I personally take a very different view of it.

I walked willingly out of Christianity, with no hard feelings and some great spiritual memory's, into a hard polytheist faith where I believe in all of the Gods and Goddesses as individuals, including the Christian God and Jesus.

maybe baptism just wasn't the best example because as we did it in my old chirch it wasn't a 'sacrement' such as anointing our heads in oil, it was a clensing just like a ritual bath, and just as many pagans try many different forms of clensing baths I don't see anything wrong with the christian methid for it.

but I digress, in answer to your question, Yes I do belive that are rituals to cleans such things from your mind or spiritual memory but I belive that it would have to be writen for you focused strongly and souly around your needs. I'm sorry I can't give any kind of an outline but I think a generic clensing ritual tweeked for the time and reason would be a good place to start.

[Louisvillian]

I wouldn't go so far to say as Christians caused more bloodshed than Pagans, that's not true.
Not only that, but it's horrifically simplified. Fitting modern pagans and ancient pagans into the same box works just as well as putting the Mediaeval Church and modern Christianity into the same container. They are far more complex than such simplistic notions of "they did more and those did less" sorts of things.

[forsaken]

I know what you're saying Shawn. I cannot deny the existence of the christian God but I don't believe in him because I have learned much about the christian religion and for me it's just a fiction. I do however believe in Jesus, but only as a human that lived as everyone else not as a God as some say. In primary school, I was told that Jesus couldn't be a God and a human because if he was he would had schizofrenia (don't know exactly how it's pronounced in english sorry). According to that Jesus was only a human but had that gift of healing and stuff. Thanks for the advice about cleaning.