Amethyst Rose
September 15th, 2002, 01:18 PM
For those of you who have read my orphaned puppies thread, you know a little bit of this story already. For those of you who haven't, here's a little background.
I had become very attached to a neighborhood stray, especially after I realized she was pregnant. I made sure she got food and water every day, because I wanted her puppies to be helpful. After a while she was always thrilled to see me -- and me her. I realize now that I was starting to love her...I named her Princess.
Anyway... she had her puppies about 3 weeks ago, and 3 days ago, I found her dead by the shed where she had the puppies.
I was coming home from a bar's opening party with friends, and I saw her lying there. I was half drunk and I said to my husband, "she looks dead", but in my fuzzy mind, I didn't really believe it. I walked over to her, just to make sure she was all right, but she wasn't. I immediately burst into tears, worried sick about the puppies, and then I took all the puppies and put them in a box, and took them home.
I then went out, found a shovel and beat my way through very hard rocky ground to bury her. My hands are still covered with blisters and bruises. There was some closure in that, though.
The next morning, I was up early so I could go to the store and get milk for the puppies. On my way out, I saw in the parking lot, another of the strays, lying dead...he must have been lying under a car when I came home the night before, so I didn't see him.
He looked exactly like the puppies' mom, so I'm convinced they were poisoned somehow.
Every since then, I keep having flashbacks and nightmares. The other morning I woke up, and glanced at my dog (a rottweiler cross), sleeping on the floor beside the bed, and I was convinced that he wasn't breathing. I jerked awake and screamed out his name - at which, he lifted his head. I was really shaken though...shaking, with my heart beating, almost in tears. And again, last night, I walked past him, and was convinced he was dead. I never would have thought this before, he's only 1 year old!
Am driving myself crazy with all of these horrible thoughts! Will it go away, in time, do you think?
I had become very attached to a neighborhood stray, especially after I realized she was pregnant. I made sure she got food and water every day, because I wanted her puppies to be helpful. After a while she was always thrilled to see me -- and me her. I realize now that I was starting to love her...I named her Princess.
Anyway... she had her puppies about 3 weeks ago, and 3 days ago, I found her dead by the shed where she had the puppies.
I was coming home from a bar's opening party with friends, and I saw her lying there. I was half drunk and I said to my husband, "she looks dead", but in my fuzzy mind, I didn't really believe it. I walked over to her, just to make sure she was all right, but she wasn't. I immediately burst into tears, worried sick about the puppies, and then I took all the puppies and put them in a box, and took them home.
I then went out, found a shovel and beat my way through very hard rocky ground to bury her. My hands are still covered with blisters and bruises. There was some closure in that, though.
The next morning, I was up early so I could go to the store and get milk for the puppies. On my way out, I saw in the parking lot, another of the strays, lying dead...he must have been lying under a car when I came home the night before, so I didn't see him.
He looked exactly like the puppies' mom, so I'm convinced they were poisoned somehow.
Every since then, I keep having flashbacks and nightmares. The other morning I woke up, and glanced at my dog (a rottweiler cross), sleeping on the floor beside the bed, and I was convinced that he wasn't breathing. I jerked awake and screamed out his name - at which, he lifted his head. I was really shaken though...shaking, with my heart beating, almost in tears. And again, last night, I walked past him, and was convinced he was dead. I never would have thought this before, he's only 1 year old!
Am driving myself crazy with all of these horrible thoughts! Will it go away, in time, do you think?