Going Crazy

[Æon Flux]

I am at my (well, the small amount of it I have left) wit's end.

The "set" wedding date is two months away. A wedding I have to pay for MYSELF. (no help offered from my parents) A wedding I've, so far, had to plan myself. And now, all of a sudden, everybody has something to say about it. My fiancées suggestion is all of a sudden to wait 5 years with getting married, my mother wants me to get married BEFORE the "in-laws" even get here. I have a plan for food, I have my sister having agreed to take care of the floral arrangements and I have a band.
All of a sudden both my mother and my father have opinions about where to have the wedding, and both their suggestions are places I've never seen.

In all of this I also have to find time to sort ALL my possessions out and throw away most of it since I'm moving to Australia in three months (hopefully).
Nothing's taken care of, no one seems to even want to help me and all of a sudden I have NO friends. Except for when the discussions about bridesmaids are up. My so-called "maid of honour" never have time to meet me to help me go through the plans (the few ones I have) and I just can't take it any more since I'm not even 100% sure my fiancée really wants to marry me. And every time I try to explain how stressed out I am or that I need to cry a little because of all this stress he just growls at me.

I have had a constant headache for weeks along with nausea as of late because I am so stressed out. I have a million things to do, and pay for and I have to do it all by myself.

I'm just feeling like shite right now and so lacking in energy I have problems getting myself out of bed, let alone sort through all my possessions and make calls here and there (I have a horrible phobia when it comes to making phone calls)... and it doesn't get any better by the fact that I feel as though I am constantly bringing my fiancée down with all my stressing and "complaining". When I try to explain how I feel to others they just tell me to "buckle up and take care of things, it's all gonna be fine", which is hard for me to do because of my BPD and the fact that I can't even forget about the stress through going out for coffee with friends since I have none.

Thanks for listening, rant done.

[Nitefalle]

:hugz: I am sorry you're so stressed out. I would tell your parents that unless they want some tasks or to offer a helping hand, please don't bring up the wedding if all they want to do is bash your current ideas.


But before you go any further with any plans, I would find out how your betrothed truly feels about it. I'm sure that it's not you, he probably just sees the wedding itself as a big mess because he sees how much it's stressing you out. Sometimes people (not you personally, just pontificating) get so tangled up in the wedding that they forget why they're doing it in the first place and they let it stress them out to the fullest. Try and make it as simple as possible - since your sister is providing food, is there anything else she can help with? Tell your maid of honor flat out that if she can't help you anymore than she is now, you'll have to replace her with the runner up.

I hope things go more smoothly for you :hugz:

[RainInanna]

Yes he wants to marry you, but he doesn't want to see you so stressed out, he doesn't know how to make you understand that while he loves you and does want to marry you he is desperate to find a solution to get you calm and happy again. He grumbles because he's frustrated at his lack of ability to fix this for you, to reassure you he loves you and just wants to fix everything for you but can't. And somewhere in there he's worried you'll get so frustrated you'll just throw the whole idea out.

Everyone else - family - are just so excited they can't see straight. If I were you I'd say point-blank, "thank you for your input, but I'm not sure I can afford that without help. do you think you could help me out?".

Otherwise, I hope you feel free to vent here. Sometimes you just need to spew what's inside to people who can listen without judgment, and I can tell you, I'm here without judgment, ready to offer support. You are dealing with a lot, you will get through it, everything will work out fine, and it's fine to be so stressed too. Totally normal. I'm sorry your friends who are close by aren't helping out more; perhaps they are upset you are leaving the country and are pulling away prematurely. No excuse in my opinion, just offering ideas for you to consider.

[Xentor]

(((Njorun Alma)))

May calmth and happiness join your path.

[Brightshores]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

Weddings are happy and joyful occasions, but they can also bring out the biggest stresses in the world and can bring out the worst in people! There's nothing like mixing two separate families and all their issues, friends, finances, planning, arrangements, and everything else to create a holy hot mess.

I remember I almost went bat$h1t crazy in the couple of weeks before I got married.

My advice - Don't worry about everything being perfect. You'll look beautiful and everyone will have a wonderful time.

My alternate advice - to hell with it all, fly to Vegas, and elope! :D

[Rowan Darkmoon]

As you get closer to the wedding, everyone and their dog will have opinions about what you should do. Don't listen to them, do what you and your fiancee want to do as cheaply as you can because you're paying for it. Ultimately, a wedding is nice, but it's a ceremony to celebrate the relationship that's there between yourself and your finacee. Tell everyone, "Thank you for your advice, but this is the way that we're planning on doing it."

You have a lot of stressors in your life that anyone would find overwhelming in single (wedding, moving, moving to another country, relationship issues), nevertheless all together. You are perfectly entitled to feel crazy, you are really stressed out, and rightfully so.

Add to it BPD, and I'm sure that everythings on overload right now. Take time out to make a plan to take care of yourself, with things that you can do to help you relax and feel better. You like to go get coffee? Go pick up some on your own, and spend time chatting with people there or reading a book or magazine. When one has a lot of added life stressors, one has to plan extra things to take care of oneself.

I know that this is easier said than done, when I am stressed out and busy, I feel horribly guilt about taking time out for myself. But, if I don't, then nothing gets done, or things get done, but I resent it the whole time because I feel alone. Schedule alone time or relaxation time just like you would schedule time for wedding planning or packing. It should help you feel a lot better. As well, if you have a mental health professional that you have talked with in the past, this would be a good time to get in touch with them and get some things off your chest. :hugz: All of us on here are here for you if you need us. Good luck!

[Annorah]

:hugz: to you.

You have my sympathy for all the stress you are under and the lack of support from your friends and family.

Just remember that the wedding itself is just one day and it's what comes after that is important.

[SilverClaw]

:hugz: Njorun You know i can relate to what your going through with the wedding aspect and you know where to message me if you need to talk .

[Invidosa]

:hugz:Take a deep breath. You are dealing with the two biggest stressors human beings encounter! A wedding and moving! it's only natural that you feel the effects of making two major life decisions, so don't beat yourself up over it. Rant to your hearts content, we're listening.

[AliceJ]

A wedding is supposed to be the bride's day make/keep it your day!
An idea that may help with the stress is have a night once a week (if you can) for special time with your man. The only rule is no wedding talk for that evening.
Well wishes,
Alice

[GEBS]

Take time out to make a plan to take care of yourself, with things that you can do to help you relax and feel better. You like to go get coffee? Go pick up some on your own, and spend time chatting with people there or reading a book or magazine. When one has a lot of added life stressors, one has to plan extra things to take care of oneself.


:thumbsup: very good advice.


For me even something as simple as a long bath in a dark room with my favorite music playing helped. I felt refreshed enough to focus on what I had to get done. Or I would go for a long walk in the woods to clear my head.

Maybe even grab your guy and take him with you. Go do something together. And don't talk about the wedding or the move. Just do something to remind both of you why you are dealing with all of this craziness.

You two want to be together. You love each other. All of this stress is what it takes to get you to the point where you can start your life together in your new home. It is worth it in the end.

Forget about trying to plan the perfect wedding. It will be perfect even if it is the two of you without friends and family standing in a park somewhere. The clothes, food, decorations, music... none of that will matter when you two look at each other and realize that you are becoming husband and wife.

Nothing went right for us. Everything that could go wrong did. Our wedding even started two hours late because the electrical system overloaded. But when we were standing there holding hands exchanging vows everything was perfect. I think the same will be true for you.

If you need help with getting your thoughts together you could make a thread here and let us help you brainstorm :D Then your MW family will feel like we were a part of your wedding (I admit that's for selfish reasons! ;) ). You have MW family here that can help, even if only to share wedding horror stories. Every bride has them. :uhhuhuh:

Huge hugs to you :hugz:



ETA: Whoops! That's what I get for taking so long to his submit. AliceJ, good ideas :lol:

[BlackLili]

:hugz: Njorun Alma

From one former half-crazed bride to another - just lots and lots of luck.

Oh yeah, and try what the Gebbsie and AliceJ said, too. The others as well. Them's some good advice. (Not very helpful, am I?)

Sorry people IRL aren't being more helpful for your head right now. Sometimes, your best bet is to just take a deep breath, smile, and tell 'em all to sod off. :thumbsup:

Do it on your terms, and delegate. People wanna help you? Give them a job to do. Fiance wants to see you less stressed? Ask him to make the phone calls that make your skin crawl. Parents want changes? Tell them to put up some cash and a reservation and an expenses-paid trip and maybe you'll consider adding a trip to your over-burdened schedule. Or perhaps they'd rather just give you a hand with what you've already got planned? :smoke:

Seriously though, good luck. You don't have to do this all yourself - if they truly want to see your stress levels go down, they'll help if you ask for it.

[Tabby]

Everyone has already given you such great advice so I'll just offer you a :hugz: and I'll be keeping you in my thoughts for an easier time with the wedding and move.

[Teresa]

Dressing a 7 day candle for you!:hugz: May your nerves be soothed and may you forget all the stresses and focus on the new life together with your other half! :thumbsup:

[Lady White Tree]

People do act completely nuts around weddings. It brings out all sorts of issues that people have within. Remember that CONTROL is the big player here. A lot of people want some.

What is sitting uncomfortably with you is the lack of equity. It seems unfair to have to pay for the whole damn thing, but at the same time be pressured to produce a wedding that other people want.

It's your wedding, yours and your partners. He wants no fuss, doesn't see why it has to be so complicated. Have the wedding you two want. It's a sacred thing, and it's between you two. No one else.

Blessings and peace to you. Take care of yourself. Light and love for your future happiness. :smoochypo