I'm in counselling

[Knight]

It's been a while since I've been here. My girlfriend still drinks, but I needed to talk to someone outside the battle zone. I made an appointment to see a counsellor I had seen a while ago for depression. We had a rapport, my insurance covered it, so I decided to go back. She agreed with me that the situation is bad. She said I put up with too much, let it build, then blow up. I'm not sure how to proceed. I need to set up another appointment, but work has gotten in the way.

I don't think I can stay with my girlfriend. She wants to get married, but her behavior is so erratic, and her drinking is in no way under control. Every other night she passes out drunk on the living room floor watching TV. I never know what will set her off. She almost caused a scene at a friend's wedding this weekend. I had to hustle her out. We missed the ceremony, and almost missed the reception. Then she accused me of flirting with a woman at our table. For the record, five people at our table, myself, my girlfriend, the woman I was 'flirting' with, two seats away, her boyfriend, and another gentleman. I was trying to have polite conversation with strangers at our table, including the two men. I introduced my girlfriend to them, and tried to include her in conversation. This is 'flirting'. Oy.

Breaking up would be hard. We have been together fourteen years, and shared so much. I don't think she could support herself. She has never been on her own, ever. This is really the only thing keeping me in the relationship, my sense of duty to her. Sometimes, when she's sober, I see glimpses of who she used to be, who I loved. But then, she drinks again. She loses 100 IQ points, her speech is stereotype drunk slurred, she weaves and stumbles, all the weird, twisted drunk logic starts. Last night, I took a long shower, then just crouched in the tub and cried. My heart is breaking.

[Jezibaba]

:hugz: I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I've lived with an alcoholic before (if that is what your girlfriend is) as a young teenager, and I know how hard it is just to live in that situation.

The thing I learned from seeing the relationship itself, was that you can't help someone if they don't want to help themselves, and keeping that in mind it's best to remove yourself from it for a while, until you feel more stable in yourself.

No matter how much it hurts, you're not helping anyone by feeling a duty to someone else, she's not going to learn to stand up for herself that way. You know my mother tried so hard to help her boyfriend, and she gave him so many chances, but in the end she realized that she needed to put herself first.

Anyways, that's just from my understanding of it, whatever you decide to do I hope that you find happiness.

[Childof_theMorrigan]

:hugz:

going to counseling is a good idea. at least there you have an outlet - a safe place to let yourself be angry or cry and get some perspective.

i've never been.. but i wonder if a support group for family and friends of alcoholics may be a place you could find support and a shoulder. You may be suprised the kind of support and how much it can help to hear stories of people who are or have been in similar situations.

I agree with jez in that you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

I hope that you find the perspective and the support you need to stay strong and make decisions that will allow you to find peace and happiness - no matter what your decisions.