Potential To Lose A Friend

[Lilith Morgaine]

I'm scared. I'm hurt and I'm scared. For the last year I've been best friends with this woman and become friends with her boyfriend of 7 yrs as well.

He is an AMAZING human being and lately she has been doing everything possible to destroy their relationship.

Of course I've been in the middle like a tug of war.

I love them both dearly.......

Today or tomorrow I'm hoping she finds it within herself to be honest with him about something MAJOR!

As her BF I swore I would never tell him... and I won't! I never break promises. But I have to at least try to get her to.

It's killing me to have the secret and it's NOT fair to me at all.

Shit's gonna hit every fan and all hell is gonna break loose.....

There's a good chance he'll leave.....

Meaning there's a good chance she will do something bad...... (I can't go into it right now)

I'm ****ing terrified.

I need your love and support right now.....

Please... just tell me something honest..... even if you don't think I want to hear it....

All I ask is that you be gentle..... I doubt I've ever been as fragile as I am right now........







I love you MW!

[*GrumpButt*]

Seems to me that your BF isn't being fair with you.. If she knows that you and her man are great friends and she tells you something, and makes you promise not to tell him.. Thats not fair. Is this secret going to put him in any kind of danger, health, mental ect.? Is it something she is still doing? Sucks being in the middle I know.
But you need to really think about how much of a friend she is and how much aof a friend he is.

The only thing I can tell you is to talk to her about it, and see if you can convince her (yeah right) into telling him.

If shes doing something that can endanger his health in anyway then I would tell him.

[GEBS]

If I were you I would back away from both of them slowly. I hate being in the middle. I hate keeping secrets from someone I love. I have been in the middle more than once. I hate it.

The best I could do is keep my mouth shut and back away until I was directly asked by the one that didn't know. I won't lie.

When/if the truth comes out and you are confronted about knowing but not telling explain how difficult it is to be in the middle. Explain that you backed away from both because you felt that by keeping her secret you were betraying him. You felt that either way you were going to hurt someone you really care about. You felt it best to remove yourself until the situation worked it's self out.

I don't know if that will work for you but it is how i handled it all three times I've been in that situation. It worked very well twice. The third didn't work as well but I do not regret how I handled it. I kept a secret for a long time to avoid hurting people I loved. Everyone ended up hurt anyway but like I said, when asked a direct question I am not going to lie.



Whatever you decide to do, good luck. :hugz:



And we love you too.

[la tortuga]

If I were you I would back away from both of them slowly. I hate being in the middle. I hate keeping secrets from someone I love. I have been in the middle more than once. I hate it.
The best I could do is keep my mouth shut and back away until I was directly asked by the one that didn't know. I won't lie.

When/if the truth comes out and you are confronted about knowing but not telling explain how difficult it is to be in the middle. Explain that you backed away from both because you felt that by keeping her secret you were betraying him. You felt that either way you were going to hurt someone you really care about. You felt it best to remove yourself until the situation worked it's self out.

I don't know if that will work for you but it is how i handled it all three times I've been in that situation. It worked very well twice. The third didn't work as well but I do not regret how I handled it. I kept a secret for a long time to avoid hurting people I loved. Everyone ended up hurt anyway but like I said, when asked a direct question I am not going to lie.



Whatever you decide to do, good luck. :hugz:



And we love you too.

I agree with this, it's important to understand that, despite how much you love the people involved, it's always the best advice not to get into someone else's relationships, despite the fact that you can see what's going on, what should be done, everything. It's not your relationship. It's the hardest thing. My sister is dating my best friend. They've broken up once and I stayed out of their fights, and we still maintained a good friendship the whole way through.

The key is not to interfere, if at all possible. The weird thing is that it's the hardest thing to do.

[Fencai]

I will also second, third and fourth what's been said.


its not easy being in the middle, and you shouldnt have to be there.
Just pull back slowly from them both until they sort it out.



As for something truthful, you are a strong beautiful woman who has come through much. This too will pass and with it make you stronger.

come cuddle my Dear.... *holds out hands*

[watersprite]

The woman is going to do what she wants to do. There is nothing you can do about that. It was QUITE unfair of you to make you hold this secret. She probably just doesn't want him anymore, whatever her reasons. While I am sorry to say it. You are best off sitting back and letting it happen. And don't let her come whining to you when she messes up. If you take any action now, she will use it as an excuse to blame you for her problems.
Hang in there. It may be that your friendship has run its' course.


I'm scared. I'm hurt and I'm scared. For the last year I've been best friends with this woman and become friends with her boyfriend of 7 yrs as well.

He is an AMAZING human being and lately she has been doing everything possible to destroy their relationship.

Of course I've been in the middle like a tug of war.

I love them both dearly.......

Today or tomorrow I'm hoping she finds it within herself to be honest with him about something MAJOR!

As her BF I swore I would never tell him... and I won't! I never break promises. But I have to at least try to get her to.

It's killing me to have the secret and it's NOT fair to me at all.

Shit's gonna hit every fan and all hell is gonna break loose.....

There's a good chance he'll leave.....

Meaning there's a good chance she will do something bad...... (I can't go into it right now)

I'm ****ing terrified.

I need your love and support right now.....

Please... just tell me something honest..... even if you don't think I want to hear it....

All I ask is that you be gentle..... I doubt I've ever been as fragile as I am right now........







I love you MW!

[Cloaked Raven]

I agree with all of the sage advice here. Back away slowly from this.

I hate being in the middle too. Like others, I've been in that position before and it's a terrible one to be in. Seems that the only way that one can keep out of the crossfire when the blow up comes is by keeping quiet unless asked directly. It's a hard thing to do but it's the best thing for all involved.

Best of luck. If you need more hugs, let me know. :hugz:

P.S. Love you too, LM. :hugz:

[Phoenix Blue]

Today or tomorrow I'm hoping she finds it within herself to be honest with him about something MAJOR!
*Hugs* I'm sorry you're in the middle of this. But what she did to you isn't something that a friend would do to another friend, IMO. Everyone's given you sage advice, so I really don't have anything to add.

:hugz:

[Clair de la Lune]

Like a sliver, this is going to work itself out. The problem is, is that you accidentally stumbled upon the frontrow seat. While they are absorbed in their own world, I would back out of there, just as the others have said, or you risk losing them BOTH! I have seen it happen so many times! She would feel you betrayed her confidence by warning him somehow, and him by wondering why you didn't warn him sooner, the "how could you let her do this to me?!"

So the sooner you 'disappear' for now, the better. No doubt you will be getting a 'progress report' from one or both of them separately later anyway, but at least you will be in the clear and still friends with them both. :hahugh:

Love you too, and many many *HUGS*!!!!

[DreamSpell333]

I agree with Gebs on this..

I'm assuming that she is cheating on him... It sounds like she isnt telling him incase things dont work out with whoever she is messing with.. (keeping him on the sidelines)


:hugz: to you!!

[Philosophia]

Agreeing with everybody else on this matter.

Sending positive and calming energy to all involved in this situation! :hugz:

[Lilith Morgaine]

You are all so amazing......

I confronted her about putting me in the middle and we had ourselves a cry and she apologized, but refused to tell him.... so i guess I have to try to "forget" the secret...... I'm going to call her this afternoon and I'm sure I'll get some sort of update....

I will keep the best of friends posted.....

I love you all.....


~takes her "A" up on the cuddling offer~