Wedding planning woos

[Kahlan]

Okay I have found wedding planing to be a bet harder than I thought? How do you plan a wedding between a wiccan and nothin-arian (Whoes Mom and Dad are more Catholic than the Pope) and My parents are Mormons! Wheres the middle ground I am going crazy trying to figure this out!!!!

Help Please!!!!!!

[Flar's Freyja]

I wish I could help. I'm blessed in that although Flar's parents are basically Christian, they are very open-minded. I've sent his Mom a few things on our faith and she's actually enjoyed reading them. All of Flar's friends are non-pagan but also open-minded and he's had a lot of fun teasing them, telling them we're going to sacrifice goats and whatnot........we are planning a handfasting, but it's really not that much different than any other wedding.

I did find this handfasting ritual that was designed for people who would have people attending their ceremony that might not be aware that it was a pagan ritual:

http://wiccanbos.home.att.net/bos/handfastingwedding.htm

[kblackthorne]

Kahlan,

I'll have to PM you when I get home. Basically, I've been through this twice now (once my own, once a friend's).

"Stealth Pagan" weddings can be done -- without giving offense to anyone. Unfortunately, everything I'd like to share is at home right now. So give me about 6 hours. :)

[Nina]

*chuckle* A "stealth pagan" wedding!!! I like that!!! Impervious to radar!!!!:D :D

[flar7]

I loved it when ya mentioned it the first time and it still makes me
smile........"Stealth Pagan"....sounds like something the government
is working on......"Our Stealth Pagan Program is years ahead of the
enemies."

[Flar's Freyja]

:lol: Sounds like little witches on brooms lurking in the sky waiting to approach...........

[Yvonne Belisle]

Don't forget the chocolate goats for the sacrifice lol

[Mithrea]

The only one I know who has done this had two ceremonies. One for you, and one for the family. My sister did it and it was very nice. Two small ceremonies. Logistically it was a little more complicated, but when you factor in the subtraction of hurt feelings and name-calling and uncomfortableness, it was totally worth it :)

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
Don't forget the chocolate goats for the sacrifice lol

Last year I did find chocolate lambs and does around Easter but no goats......

Nearly everyone who'll be attending ours is open-minded, but there are a few......and I haven't figured out how to deal with it just yet. Two ceremonies would be feasible if it's that much of an issue.

edited to correct spelling/typo :rolleyes:

[Scarlettvixen]

Hi Kahlan
been there done that
both our parents are Christian - his ultracatholic and mine very anticatholic lol where as my dh and I are very much non believers of the whole Christian experience, and exploring the gaian/pagan/alternative route.

We declared to both sets of parents that neither of us were converting to the other ones religion (and that put the cat among the pigeons with his Nazi Catholic mother lol) and that the most neutral person we could think of was a marriage celebrant (she just happens to do handfastings - but we never told them that)
we then sat with her, wrote our marriage vows - which left all mention of god etc out of the vows. we included the apache wedding prayer at the end - its a very pretty poem, but its fairly neutral religiously and had a great wedding and party.

My family fairly much accepts that i have strayed from the fold - and they would prefer me to me pagan than catholic lol!

however my nazi catholic mother in law keeps telling everyone that dh and i r not married as the priest didnt do it! and then offering to introduce her eligible son! I finally caught up with the priest the other day for her church (im a nurse so i know them all and they know and like me and cope with my beliefs) and asked him to speak to her - he added it all up and was horrified at what shes been doing - so i expect fireworks after shes been to church this weekend lol as he promised to speak to her for me

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by Scarlettvixen
Hi Kahlan

however my nazi catholic mother in law keeps telling everyone that dh and i r not married as the priest didnt do it! and then offering to introduce her eligible son! I finally caught up with the priest the other day for her church (im a nurse so i know them all and they know and like me and cope with my beliefs) and asked him to speak to her - he added it all up and was horrified at what shes been doing - so i expect fireworks after shes been to church this weekend lol as he promised to speak to her for me

Whack that woman with a wet fish ~ or one of those big, heavy censers that they use in the Catholic church!

Let us know what happens.

[Kahlan]

Thanks Everyone! Stealth Pagan Wedding sounds interesting, but I wonder how do-able it is?

[kblackthorne]

Drat -- last night was crazy, didn't have time to go online.


The first thing to know is that anyone can receive legal authorization to perform a single, specific wedding on a single, specific day. This means if you have a HP or HPS, but your coven isn't incorporated & they've never gone out & got a ministierial license, they can still legally perform your ceremony. However, City Hall considers it a "civil ceremony", and so the appropriate regulations apply. (In our case, she wasn't allowed to say anything religious. No rules about what she did, just what she said.)


The other thing to know is that most people won't bother looking too closely at your altar. They'll sort of expect one -- if nothing else as a place for the officiant to lay their book -- but they won't really think twice about what's on it, as long as there's nothing to bizare & obvious.


OK, let's take the first of out group -- we'll call her Eve.

When Eve married Adam, his family was Jewish, most of hers Roman Catholic.

They had an outdoor ceremony that looked very normal... well, maybe not that normal: She entered to the Imperial Death March from Star Wars. (Think "Darth Vader's theme".) If you knew them, it made sense. :devil:

The words to the ceremony were very familiar, though ("Do you, Adam, take this woman, Eve, to be your lawfully wedded wife...") They incorporated a number of symbols from both their families' religions -- a reading from Paul on the meaning of love (followed by a reading from Shakespear), the sharing & breaking of a glass, etc. They lit a Unity candle, though Eve was adamant that the individual tapers not be extinguished. ("We're not losing ourselves -- we're joining to make something new. We don't have to lose our individual lives to do that!") The officiant bound their hands with a bit of cloth (wrapped it around them & held it tight) as he spoke after the exchange of rings, blessing the union, and stressing the bonds that were now between them.

Oh, yes, and there was some chick in the back row with a broom under her chair. As the new couple walked out together, she "tried to trip them" with it. (When people asked me what that was about, they always asked if I was trying to trip them. And I replied with a devilish smile and, "It didn't work, did it?")

For mine... well, if you give me some time, I can send you the actual ceremony we used. And scan a photo of the altar for you. (And a few locale shots, just because the setting was so gorgeous.)

The Circle was cast quietly beforehand, by the HPS. One of the honor attendants closed it after all memebers of the wedding party had entered & taken their place. (Not a single guest even noticed -- he was just casual about it. Heck, half the wedding party didn't know what he was doing.) Although Eve (yes, she officiated for me) couldn't say anything religious, there were a number of symbolic acts -- sharing a cup, lighting (or attempting to light -- it was windy) candles, the exchange of rings, the silken cord. The physical objects for these acts were all blessed in Circle the night before, and held by Eve until the ceremony started.

There isn't much in the traditional wedding vows that should be objectionalble on a religious basis -- to have & to hold, to love, honor, respect. The Gods I worship don't have a problem with these things, and neither do I. As long as the form looks mostly familiar to them, most guests won't bat an eye.

And there's plenty of room to get in lots of appropriately Pagan elements. Heck, many of the old wedding traditions smack of folk-Magic. Tossing grain to ensure fertility and plenty. Taking a bit of wedding-cake to dream on, that you might see the face of your future groom. "Something old,something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence in her shoe" -- each of these was meant to ensure something particular for the new couple, or serve as a reminder to them. I had no problem with incorporating customs such as these. (I even own an actual sixpence. Just don't dance on it.)

I'll locate the ceremony for you, & scan those altar photos.

[kblackthorne]

Who told you Stealth Pagan was a government project?

Drat. Another mole, leaking information again.

We'll find out who talked....

[Kahlan]

Wow! I have ideas rolling threw my head already! Oh did I mention he wants to have a Hawaiian wedding, with a Lolu reception...... complication after complication!:eek:

[Flar's Freyja]

And Flar just found a beautiful Cherokee ceremony......and he wants to wear Native American garb, so what I was going to wear isn't really going to work.....

The person officiating our ritual is both a Wiccan HP AND a legally ordained minister :)

[Kahlan]

Lucky You I live in a mostly Mormon or Catholic City, Finding any other Wiccian/pagans/anything if like trying to find one needle in ten hay stacks all rolled togather :eek:

I mean how dose one find a Pagan JP?

[Flar's Freyja]

I don't know if this will help at all....but it's worth a shot. You might at least find other pagans in your area who might know:

http://witches.meetup.com/

[Flar's Freyja]

You might also try contacting Universal Life Church....they may have a listing of ordained ministers in your area:

http://www.ulc.org/hq/