Changing a Divine Deal...?

[AcornThornpicker]

Ahoj!

I'm [for all intents] new, and I could really use some advice on a matter that's been bothering me...

I went through some changes and shifts Theistically; I was a Catholic with Christian backgrounds, and I didn't know how to really find other Deities. I got two "hits", as it were, 'Fortune' and 'Malachi' (I knew the names were 'wrong', but They seemed to accept these pseudonyms for the time being to help me along). Malachi was always a more substantial, but darker spirit, while Fortune was lighter, but more whimsical. All the same, these two spirits/Deities were alive, present, and very real to me, so I worshiped them and prayed to them.

I'm currently Asatru, and the Goddess I called 'Fortune' has actually been Freyja; I do believe "Malachi" was actually Loki. I dropped my prayers to Him long before the realization, but unfortunately I'd made a sort of agreement with Him, in the format: if I give up X, Y will go away; if I indulge in X, Y will come back. If you're curious, "Y" basically comprised anything to do with pimples and acne (I was 16 at the time and trying to impress a cute girl >.<).

Since I've stopped worshiping him, the consequences no longer come true, with adherence or breaking... But I still feel that the bond exists, and I keep getting His messengers, which take the form of rather inconvenient house spiders [I don't know why it's a Spider, or any mythological correspondence, but they most certainly give off His essence] in inconvenient house places, and which only appear when I've crossed the bargain. [These are indescribably different from other House Spiders (We get loads).]

(If you're curious, I feel it terribly unlucky to have a broken oath without an earthly punishment, worrying that the punishment will come in a very undesired form; I won't make a promise or swear an oath EVER unless the other party attaches a consequence for failing to adhere.)

Essentially, my situation is this: I've got a minor deal with a God I don't worship anymore. The deal is minor, and doesn't contain any large "breaking" consequence. So, it's basically just an annoyance.

I feel sort of like the fellow who gets Spam mail from the future... it's not doing any harm, and it's really just a bizarre curiosity. But, I'd still like it to stop.

Any suggestions? I feel like just giving up X would eventually break the contract, but quitting is always easier said than done! :-P But, perhaps I'm looking for the easy way out, when I really just need to buckle down >.<


Thanks in advance!
Na Zdraví!
-K.T.
Appended: Perhaps "dropping" prayers to Loki was a mistake? The connection is there, so why not cherish it? To be honest, the decision was motivated by fright at the intensity with which He communicated... Maybe he's holding on to try to get me back to Him?

[Shawn Cameron]

*giggle*

I’m sorry… believe me I’m not laughing at you… as a devotee of Loki I can see a bit of where your coming from (only without the fear) and I’m not going to Loki thump you into following him if you don’t want to (though as many other Loki followers have said, if he wants you he isn’t going to let you go… ever… persistent bugger he is.) Loki has this nasty way of finding exactly what you don’t want him to find, every little weakness and using it very painfully against you until it is no longer a weakness… or you break… which ever comes first.

But that said that is only one side of him, he is also a very loving father and husband and the blood brother to Odin.

My own advice would be to talk to him… maybe there is a different more favorable deal you can make for both parties.

(CAUTION WITH THIS ADVICE: Loki is known as “Lie Smith” and is a master of words, he has no weapons such as Thor and his hammer or Odin and his spear, he works with words, and so in making any deals with Loki you must be VERY clear as to what you want and how you word every little fraise. Be very precise and leave no holes or loops.)

Also in my experience Loki never wants to be “worshiped” in the same sense as Christians but he dose appreciate a bit of honor once in a wile, laugh at serious situations and thank him for the ability to do it, if you ever poor a drink to Odin follow there old pledge and poor some for him as well. Play a joke or a game once and a wile and think of him. You don’t have to worship or follow a God to pay respects to them or what they teach/stand for.

[Solya]

Shawn Cameron gives some definite good advice. :smile: Maybe you're indeed seeking the easy way out, as you said yourself, but on the other hand I feel that you should perhaps still honour the relationship you have with Loki. He's not sending you these messengers to get that sort of worship back, I think, because as far as I know Loki cares very little about official worship.

I have personally found him to be an awesome drinking/joking partner. We appreciate each other's sense of humour and he often tells me to lighten up a little. When I don't listen to him, he plays a joke on me only he and I will have hopes of understanding. ;) He comes through pretty intensely when need be, but on the other hand I feel that that's a part of his charm. You can honour the bond you once had with him and show him the respect he deserves without getting back to 'worshipping' him. Just talk with him, and see what you can get from that experience.

I can definitely see where you're coming from, though. When I was younger, Loki scared me a little bit as well because I never knew how to take his words. He taught me how to discover truth within words, though, and for that I am grateful. Spiders seem to be related to the Norns, so perhaps Loki is trying to tell you to pay more attention to the weaving of your own fate...

The web you weave is the reality you experience.

[skilly-nilly]

Good points in both posts!

As you, the op, say-- the connection is there. Shawn has some good guidelines for honouring Loki without commitment towards 'worship'.

As I was reading the first post, it occurred to me that what might work for you was a redefinition of your 'acne' oath; you could open further negotiations with a statement about your "fright at the intensity with which He communicated" and offer to acknowledge your connection with Him if He backs off on the bang.

[AcornThornpicker]

Thank you very much for the advice! ^_^

A few words to Him did wonders, and I'm actually feeling a whole lot... "lighter" now.

I come from a Catholic background and don't have any close mentors for any Pagan faiths, so essentially I'm trying to take the clues and hints I can scrounge and adapt it from what I learned as a Christian - some of it works, and others... well, needless to say, They let me know if I get something wrong... ;-)

When I actually look at it, it's rather foolish of me to deny Loki's influence in my life; of the whole pantheon, I think I can identify with His characteristics best.

Thank you very much for the suggestions; as I said, I'm new to this variety of path and have trouble, sometimes, getting over the whole Monotheistic "worship" mentality...

Your mentions of jokes certainly brings to mind my own experiences. I get through a lot of day-to-day hardships in life simply because I step back and think of it as a Cosmic joke, and usually find the lighter path around the obstacle.

As for the "fear", I'm pretty well over that now. It was mostly just at first, because He was the first Deity to actually contact me, as opposed to the other way around - the experience was a little frightening at the time, because I hadn't been expecting that at all.

Again, thank you, all! ^_^

This is a very lovely forum, and it's a pity I lost the location a while back (I actually found this again because of the "Happy Birthday" email the site sent me ^_^)

Have a lovely day,
Blessings!
-K.T.

[Solya]

In that case, I do wish you a happy birthday. ;)

I also hail from a Christian (Roman Catholic) background, so I know where you're coming from. It's quite weird to get involved in the whole business concerning multiple deities at first, but I've found it to be strangely soothing as well. I still honour some Christian traditions and do still visit church from time to time, so maybe you can work out a similar kind of balance to start out with. I know it helped me to not totally go "cold turkey" on the Christian faith, at least. :smile: It does definitely sound like you're one of Loki's children, though, which is awesome.

:hugz: Blessings right back at you, brother.