God's new ad campaign :)

[SnowStar]

I found this on another board and thought you all might enjoy it, too.

And it came to pass that God visited the earth, and He did behold a series of billboard ads attributing to Him utterances of such banality that they would never pass His lips in a billion years. And it came to pass that God in His wrath considered a libel suit, but in the end opted simply to mount a cantankerous, self-contradictory ad campaign of His own. . . .

I never said, "Thou shalt not think."
-God

Okay, you've got multiplying down. Now let's try replenishing for a while.
-God

I don't care who started it. Just stop it.
-God

If you seek to know my ways, read a damn science book.
-God

You'd better have stopped fighting by the time I get back, or you're all grounded.
-God

Six days? Yeah, right. I'm a scientist, not a magician.
-God

If I wanted you to have seven kids, I would have given you a bigger planet.
-God

You're not tracking those bloody footprints in here.
-God

E=mc?. Yeah, that's one of mine.
-God

You can have another kid when you learn to take care of the first one.
-God

The dinosaurs didn't believe in you either.
-God

Excuse me? Where do you see my name on the front of the Bible?
-God

Only six thousand years old? Oh, that's a good one.
-God

Just look at this planet! Do you expect me to clean this up?
-God

I love Marilyn Manson, too. Maybe more than I love you.
-God

Here's a clue-if they say they're doing it in my name, they're lying.
-God

I'm flattered you liked my book so much. Now why don't you read something new?
-God

I'm concerned about children's education. I favor lower child-to-parent ratios.
-God

I gave you a bigger brain for a reason. Start using it.
-God

Want to know how old the earth is? Ask the earth, not the Bible.
-God

If you don't clean this place up, you won't get another millennium.
-God

I don't blame video games when my children start shooting each other.
-God

I like to kick things off with a bang. A Big Bang.
-God

If you didn't hear it straight from my lips, take it with a grain of salt.
-God

All this will someday be your children's.
-God

There is no such thing as killing in my name.
-God

Stop smirking, America. I'm talking to you, too.
-God

[Yvonne Belisle]

ROTFLMAO

[Sequoia]

w00t! yes!! go God!!!

[Piper]

yes, those are sweet! Thanks

[Haedis]

hehe the last bit was especially true. *abruptly stops smirking*

[SerenityMoon]

LMAO that's hilarious

[DragonDawn]

:lol: :rotfl: :lol:

that just made my day!

[BeachWitch]

That really is funny. I wish some of those billboards would show up around here (LA). If they have, I guess I've missed them.

Thanks for posting that - it made me smirk.... er..... :rolleyes:

[Wyrdsister]

LOL! Very good! I did like some of the "original" ads, though. My favourite:


Don't make me come down there.
- God


Teehee!

Wyrdsister

[st0rm]

lamo

[Ryhla]

That's a good one. I know of a few people to send that to.

[Pan]

That's great! I sent those to my hubby and a friend. I bet they're laughing their butts off!!!! :D

[Illuminatus]

If god does exist, he probably is a jerk like that.

[Chibi-Fallon]

:lol:
I've see a few those around. But I saw another one that said:
"What part of "Thou shalt not kill" don't you understand?"

[Witchy Cowgirl]

good ones!

[Tiana_Ecarias]

Those are excellent, and who says he's being a jerk?? WEll, he can be taken as one, but to me he sounds like arealist, and a parent......

And according to Christians, he is one, so I guess that's why. Anyways, if only more people saw them, and actually listened...

*grin*

Tiana_Ecarias

[NightSkye]

:T lol

[Earthcup]

Now why would I be a man, or a woman for that matter?
---God

Actually my only son was Hank and his singing always made me shed a tear in my beer...----God

*giggles and wanders away*

[Garnet]

Thanks, Snowstar. They're great. I e-mailed them to my brother, who liked them so much he e-mailed them to everyone he knows (so I got them back).