No Direction

[Lemon]

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm only 19 and I have no idea what to do with my life.

In 2007 I graduated from high school, and went straight to a photography school. I thought photography was what I wanted in life. Halfway through college I got really depressed, and stopped caring about photography. But, I still received my diploma. It's sitting on a shelf because I don't care about it. Right now I'm living with my parents, unemployed and not in college.

I want to go back to college for something else. Something that will make a good amount of money to pay off my loans, and something I'm interested in. I've been searching for 3 or 4 months, and haven't found any career that appeals to me. I've checked out a book with descriptions of 300 careers (and went through EVERY single page of it), I've taken about ten different career assessment tests, and I've evaluated my interests. Nothing.

I don't know what to do, I'm starting to freak out. My parents want me to get a job at Wal-Mart, and I'm afraid that I'll never find a career and stay a cashier for the rest of my life. I'm getting more depressed every day because I'm realizing I have no direction in life, no goals, no career ideas, I have nothing. I feel like a failure. I just don't know what to do.

[Vampiel]

Well first of all there's nothing wrong with working at Wal-Mart for the rest of your life, it's much better than mooching of other people or living on the street, at least you are working but it's certainly good to have goals to better your financial situation.

Either way just getting a job, any job really I find makes me feel better. I feel worthless when I don't have one for any meaningful amount of time so I know were you are coming from.

You have to start out small and take baby steps like paying off your own car yourself, smaller accomplishments can be very fulfilling. Life doesn't happen as planned, things may go up and down, or one day something may land in your lap yes that does happen sometimes.

I would start from that and go from there, by getting a basic job so you have some income and at least for me, just having money in my pocket that I know I made myself makes me feel a lot better. You may just have to wait, not everyone knows what they want to make a career out of in life early on and many people end up doing things that they might have liked to do something else instead.

So you never know, the one thing I do know is that you always have to have a job no matter what happens if your physically and mentally able to and not otherwise preoccupied with school, though many people especially when they get older do both.

[Brightshores]

Firstly, you're not a failure. Not everyone knows what they want to do at an early age.

You can always enroll in a college that offers lots of majors and allows you to take a year or two before you matriculate into any one of them. (I think most colleges have a "general studies" sort of program that you can be in before you have to choose a major.)

This way, you can take some time to explore different courses in different departments to see if there's anything that appeals to you, while fulfilling your core requirements. Plus, most colleges have a Careers Services center or something of the sort. They will run lots of workshops and have counselors you can talk to about finding a career direction.

Also - please make sure your depression is under control, and get whatever care you need for that. When you're depressed, nothing is appealing, and nothing seems worth the energy. If you're in a state like that, (I speak from experience) it's really hard to make any decisions.

Peace and best wishes to you.

[Willow Rosette]

Im 31 and just now realising what I want to do with life after several career changes. You will make it through this and find your path I promise.

[staticonthewire]

Important also to remember that the decisions you make can change. You have your own personal "what's hot / what's not" list of careers, and over the course of time it will shift, from photography to whatever and then to something else, perhaps. It's rare these days to see people with single careers relentlessly carried out all their lives.

[Lemon]

Thanks for the replies.
I guess I'm just going to apply for a part time job and forget about college for a year or so (my Dad told me it'd be impossible to get a student loan right now anyways).

I guess I'll admit that depression is a major problem for me right now, it doesn't help that everything is life is crappier than what I imagined it to be. I guess life really does suck.

[Phoenix Blue]

Actually, photography can make you a good deal of money -- it does require a pretty good up-front investment, though. Seriously, check out how much photographers charge for weddings. :)

[la tortuga]

Actually, photography can make you a good deal of money -- it does require a pretty good up-front investment, though. Seriously, check out how much photographers charge for weddings. :)

Also, see if you can hook up with a local newspaper service and take pictures of local events such as art gallery openings and high school football games. That's what my friend Robert did while he was between high school and college and I believe he did very well with it.

[*~Amora~*]

You're having a quarter-life crisis.

I've been going through the same thing, and so has my husband. It's not uncommon to reach this point and not know what you want to do with your life. I give you this advice with all of my heart both as someone who has gone through it (diagnosed with Depression), a spouse of someone who is going through it (also Depression), and as someone who works in Psychiatry and has worked with Major Depressive Disorder professionally.

The first step is to get into therapy. I mean it. Right now. Go to community mental health if you don't have insurance. You may not think it's "that bad" or "bad enough" but personally, I think everyone should be in therapy - it's like getting a regular oil change - but in cases like this one really needs the support and advice of someone not involved in other aspects life. Friends, family, they all have a different relationship with you. But there is nothing like someone impartial and trained to listen and offer suggestions for your personal growth.

Part of this first step is to really think about taking meditation. *ducks from the produce being thrown her way* I know people like us are really reluctant to go that route because of fear of dependency on drugs. But it's just an assistive device, like a crutch while you're leg is broken and mending. You need it just to get to the doctor and work on healing. Just see your general doctor and ask for an antidepressant. They'll probably run you through a quick questionnaire to determine if you have enough of the symptoms.

The second part of this first step is . . if you have thoughts of suicide, GO TO THE ER IMMEDIATELY. NO EXCUSES! I know you may think that I'm going overboard here, but it's really important to keep in mind.

The second step is to explore your options. I know money is tight right now, but you can always audit classes at your local college. Just do it to explore different areas of study. If you can, take classes part time while you're working.

Third, it takes a lot of courage to go from having a degree to working retail. But a lot of people go that route when they're switching careers and it's terribly common to do so now at this point in life and in this economy. Just think of it as saving up for your future.

I hope this helps.

[Lemon]

I know it's the depression that's eating at me, and I'm supposed to start a new med tomorrow (Lexapro). But, I've been at this stupid mental health game for 3 years! That includes 1 week-long hospital stay, 3 psychiatrists, 5 different meds, 1 counselor, and several different diagnoses and to be honest things haven't really changed.

I know the original issue with this thread was my hopelessness about a career, but I'm starting to realize that's not really the issue anymore. I had a career plan, I desperately wanted to be a photographer. Now, I don't give a crap about it anymore. I'm numb. I shoved my Certificate in a drawer, while my dad pleaded with me to be proud and hang it on a wall.

I never know what I'm feeling anymore, I'm sorry! I'm always this bundle of messed up emotions.

[*~Amora~*]

I know it's the depression that's eating at me, and I'm supposed to start a new med tomorrow (Lexapro). But, I've been at this stupid mental health game for 3 years! That includes 1 week-long hospital stay, 3 psychiatrists, 5 different meds, 1 counselor, and several different diagnoses and to be honest things haven't really changed.

I know the original issue with this thread was my hopelessness about a career, but I'm starting to realize that's not really the issue anymore. I had a career plan, I desperately wanted to be a photographer. Now, I don't give a crap about it anymore. I'm numb. I shoved my Certificate in a drawer, while my dad pleaded with me to be proud and hang it on a wall.

I never know what I'm feeling anymore, I'm sorry! I'm always this bundle of messed up emotions.

No worries on my part. That's the depression talking. I know that you've been through the wringer trying to improve your quality of life, but it does take time to find the right match between you and the medication you need. And sometimes what you need changes, and sometimes it's a combination of mediactions. The human brain is a complicated thing. But as long as you are taking your medication consistently, following your doctors' and counselor's instructions, and being forthright and honest with them, they will help you. Give it time and have patience.

I would encourage you to call your counselor (or doctor) now and explain what you are feeling, if you haven't done so already. They can't help you unless you tell them. None of us here (that I am aware of) have the necessary training to give you specific advice (and even if we did, we're not much help at a distance). All we can do is offer moral support. But you need to reach out to the experts who are familiar with your case before you can move forward in life.

[Lemon]

My doctor knows already, I just feel like sometimes the doctors aren't very helpful. They have so many patients that they never remember things about you. Hell, I had to argue with mine that I'm not Bipolar. She wanted to ignore my depression and just focus on my outbursts of anger. But, I can't find a different one because she's the only psychiatrist at this mental health clinic. Everyone else in this area is a private one who costs a fortune.