Tell me the TRUTH please..............

[The Crone]

Ok....people are ALWAYS thinking they want the truth....but I tell them my oppinion of the truth as my old eyes see it...and they go off in a pis sy huff........

So as the old saying goes...maybe it's not so old.....

People tell you they want the truth....but what they really want is PRAISE!

When I ask for a person's TRUTHFUL oppion....that is what I want...tell me like you see it let me digest it...let me take in what I think I want or want to handle at the moment. To just get an empty "YOUR DOING A GREAT THING" would get me nowhere...

We grow from what we learn...if people are just blowing hot air up my arse ..it might feel good at the moment but have I learned anything? Have I progressed along my Path to becoming that Enlightened Being I want to be? Nope I have just had 3 seconds of Hot air. When in those 3 seconds same said person could have said something I could have looked at....and chose to change or not....

Hey I think I am PERFECT.....but I still am walking on the Earth so I must have things I need to learn..LOL

Do you people on my screen like to be told the truth and if so how...sugar coated....raw...or do you prefer hot air?

Crone tip toeing out of the building hopeing she steps on no ones toes_*_* __ * _ * oh sorry excuse me was that your toe : )

[Radocs]

You can't handle the truth!

[mol]

Originally posted by Radocs
You can't handle the truth!

LOL!

[flar7]

well, I want the TRUTH, but the hot air does sound awfully nice...:huh:

[Armitage]

Truth is good, but sometimes it seems that people who pride themselves on being truthful use that as an excuse to be brutally so. Don't sugarcoat it, but don't drop it with a shot of Tabasco either...

[cherrywind]

Truth. Everybody around me knows that if I ask a question, I'm asking because I want to know their REAL opinions on it, if I didn't I wouldn't ask. In turn, I do the same for them.

Just because the truth isn't always pleasent doesn't mean you have to lie about it. There are nice ways of putting things when discussing touchy subjects. I've never had a friend go get angry when I tell them the truth because they KNOW I'll tell them the truth, and I have the ability to word things nicely, just so things aren't so hard to hear.

[Semele]

Truthfully, I find that we seek other's opinions entirely too much. Why not just trust our own inner guides to lead us to where we need to go and doing what we need to do?

What do you think of that?....Oh, wait, I cancel that request for your opinion, because whether you are honest or not, your idea of what is just and right is not the answer I should be seeking.

[The Crone]

You all are soooo cool!

Radocs....I bet ya I could handle just about any truth....lets see...

And for the Hot Air..hehehe yippers sure not bad on a cool night when I forget to put on my furry thong HAHAHAHAAHA (old Fat woman trying to get small furry thong over large arse)

Semele....can I come study with you....(Crone looks shy and needy)

Cherrywind...think you just might be my type....when I ask something give it to me..cause I got a hard head and sometimes it takes a nice dose of truth to get me on the path again. I have fallen of this Path so many times I need hand rails!!!!

Armitage..I think you hit on something...and I have been acused of NEEDING to not be so brutal...but that is how I likes it....I like to have it shock me .....but then I give back the same way.....not everyone wants it with a little spice...I think I need to work on that one........

[Old Witch]

Truth? I think we all have our own truths...........

[Raevyn]

The problem is what's "brutal" is so subjective and so based on personal interpretation and bias. So many people would rather be offended and deflect blame then have any fault. Too many people would rather have sugarcoating then honesty, and would call the latter brutal.

[Flar's Freyja]

It depends on what that truth is, whether the person can handle it and whether it's really necessary to point it out to them. I can handle truth if it is presented to me in a constructive way without demeaning or dehumanizing.

There are many great books out there on communication techniques, including John Gray's Mars and Venus series. What we are saying and what the other person is hearing can be two completely different things.

My most admired supervisor could be furious with you but could tell you in a diplomatic way how you did it wrong, tell you how to do it better next time and give you a pat on the back for what you did right.

[PeleRising]

In my opinion... opening your mouth and expressing anything but the truth is a waste of breath... However... I try real hard not to slam someone upside the head with said truth.... Also i agree with OW... there are many truths out there... your 'truth' isnt always the only truth ... (if that makes sense):rolleyes:

[Old Witch]

Well, it does to me.........

[Phoenix Blue]

:) One thing that I've learned is, Truth (or the reception of it, at least) does depend on the delivery. People will listen to something if it's shared in a way that is at least. . . easy to hear. Does that make sense?

I have a lot of ways of telling someone that an outfit doesn't particularly work, for example. I can tell them, "That doesn't quite work on you - try that outfit?" I can mention that I prefer the way said other outfit looks on them. I am not going to tell them, "Those pants make you look fat."

On the other hand, if someone's done something patently stupid, I may ask: "Did you stop and think at all before you did that?" :) Honesty is a light - it can illuminate; or, focused sharply enough, it can burn. Sometimes you need a little firepower to break through a thick skull. . . but until you do, keep the lasers in the armory.

[Rose Sunny Rionach]

I think its nice to get the honest to Goddess truth, but its also nice to get a bit of hot air to motivate you more. I guess in a way if you sugar coat it, it would also motivate you as well.. So I guess it all depends on the subject you want the truth on and how you think the truth will effect the person(s).

[Flaire-FireStar]

Originally posted by flar7
well, I want the TRUTH, but the hot air does sound awfully nice...:huh:

It might not smell the same if someone was eating garlic in their supper. :T

[Raevyn]

Originally posted by Phoenix_Blue
:) One thing that I've learned is, Truth (or the reception of it, at least) does depend on the delivery. People will listen to something if it's shared in a way that is at least. . . easy to hear. Does that make sense?

Here's another one for you; I read this awhile ago but didn't put much thought into it until recently. If you have to tell someone something that they may not like but you must be honest about, let the first thing you say be positive - highlight the positive thing they did, or make an effort to agree with them in some way, and then say "however, I was thinking...". For some reason people will remember the positive at the beginning more then the rest, and will respond better because of it. Presumably because you've complimented them or agreed with them first, they remember you've shown them respect, and may respond better then if they thought you were just attacking their beliefs.

[materra]

I have heard and been told alot of things labled as "truth". In about 10% of the cases this information was true. 40% was opinions and 40% ideas about me based on little or no knowledge of me or my life. 10% was just out of pure meanness and spite.

I find that if I look to the real truth and say it with compassion, kindness and with choices you get thru to folks better. Telling someone "your crazy" isn't very effective. Telling someone they seem pretty misunderstood is more workable for them. Then offering the observation that a psycotherapist may help explain other people's motives and poor behaviors to them has a more positive spin. If you can offer them a few referals immediately that is helpful too. In otherwords, if you are going to tell the truth be compassionate and have a reasonably motivating alternative immediately at hand. Anything else is just critisism and not very helpful. IMO It isn't truth if they cannot hear it and have it make a positive change.

[Saphra]

With the truth thing, Okay, if a woman asks her man if her butt looks big in this dress , hell yeah, lie, "No sweety, it doesn't" or something like that, now if I ask, do I have mustard on my cheek, go ahead, tell me the truth, so I don't go around looking like an idiot. :crazy:
If it's really important, tell someone the truth, it may hurt them right then, but in the long run it will be better than lying.
Just never, ever tell a woman her butt looks big, it might get you a black eye!!! ;)

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by materra
I have heard and been told alot of things labled as "truth". In about 10% of the cases this information was true. 40% was opinions and 40% ideas about me based on little or no knowledge of me or my life. 10% was just out of pure meanness and spite.

I find that if I look to the real truth and say it with compassion, kindness and with choices you get thru to folks better. Telling someone "your crazy" isn't very effective. Telling someone they seem pretty misunderstood is more workable for them. Then offering the observation that a psycotherapist may help explain other people's motives and poor behaviors to them has a more positive spin. If you can offer them a few referals immediately that is helpful too. In otherwords, if you are going to tell the truth be compassionate and have a reasonably motivating alternative immediately at hand. Anything else is just critisism and not very helpful. IMO It isn't truth if they cannot hear it and have it make a positive change.

And a great deal of the time, the person already knows the truth better than anyone else and just hasn't been able to face it. If they're telling you their business, they may very well be asking for your support, so criticism isn't going to go down well.

[Raevyn]

Originally posted by materra
I have heard and been told alot of things labled as "truth". In about 10% of the cases this information was true. 40% was opinions and 40% ideas about me based on little or no knowledge of me or my life. 10% was just out of pure meanness and spite.

To me, when someone asks for an opinion 80% of it *should* be opinions and ideas of the people answering. If you didn't want *their* outlook you shouldn't have asked them. What else are they going to give you? Also, say on a forum, you know people are going to have "little to no knowledge of you or your life", and so do they - often they don't have all the facts and thus form an opinion based on that, or they know they don't have all the facts and go "wait a minute, what about the other side of the story?".

This is why I wouldn't ask for an opinion in a public forum if I didn't want to hear it - if I want support I'll say as much. Also, since I don't know the people on a public forum and they don't know me, I wouldn't be surprised if they *didn't* give support or wanted to give opinions. Thus why when I want support or opinions I personally go to people I trust and who I know know me and understand some of my background.

As far as the 10% "meanness and spite", I agree with you there, but then I don't consider that being honest, I consider it being mean and spiteful! So to me, that's a whole other ball of wax.

As to the example of someone asking if they look fat in an outfit - my honest answer would be 'I don't think that's the best one for you, try this one instead', or 'I'm not sure I like that one'. If I was the one asking I certainly wouldn't want someone to go "oh no not at all"; I'd prefer "yeah it does make you look fat" personally.

The responsibility of asking for an opinion and getting one isn't totally on the person who gives the opinion, it's also on the guy who asked - hence my thought that if you don't want to know someone's opinion, don't ask. I've learned not to answer certain people at all, when I know them to be the type who's really looking for support. But otherwise I have to go by my instincts, and since I value honesty over sugarcoating that's the outlook I come from in response, and what I give in response.

[Gwion]

"Truth. Because when a man lies, he murders part of the world."
~The Merlin, Excalibur

[The Crone]

Originally posted by Gwion
"Truth. Because when a man lies, he murders part of the world."
~The Merlin, Excalibur


HERE HERE!!!!!!

[flar7]

isnt it, "...some part of the world."?

[Flar's Freyja]

Just please don't let me go out of the house with my skirt tucked into my pantyhose........:rolleyes: