Dying and Crying

[Lunacie]

Day-umn, this never seems to get any easier. As an Empath, how do you deliver bad news to someone without getting emotional? And how do you listen to someone give you bad news without crying along with them?

My best friend's mother is dying as we speak, her kidneys have shut down completely and she is under morphine and unresponsive. I was doing fine expressing sympathy and understanding and the offer to help - until Deral began to cry and then neither of us could talk anymore because we were both crying. May the angels take Gramma Treva to her own heaven and make her welcome there.

[staticonthewire]

Day-umn, this never seems to get any easier. As an Empath, how do you deliver bad news to someone without getting emotional? And how do you listen to someone give you bad news without crying along with them?

My best friend's mother is dying as we speak, her kidneys have shut down completely and she is under morphine and unresponsive. I was doing fine expressing sympathy and understanding and the offer to help - until Deral began to cry and then neither of us could talk anymore because we were both crying. May the angels take Gramma Treva to her own heaven and make her welcome there.

Sympathies for the loss, Lunacie.

Trying to understand: Why do you wish not to get emotional? Why not cry?

[Miabella]

Day-umn, this never seems to get any easier. As an Empath, how do you deliver bad news to someone without getting emotional? And how do you listen to someone give you bad news without crying along with them?

My best friend's mother is dying as we speak, her kidneys have shut down completely and she is under morphine and unresponsive. I was doing fine expressing sympathy and understanding and the offer to help - until Deral began to cry and then neither of us could talk anymore because we were both crying. May the angels take Gramma Treva to her own heaven and make her welcome there.

I am very sorry to hear for your saddness and feel akward at giving bad news . I hae been there with my best friend of over twenty years. She died of cancer this past summer and i went throught it all with her knowing there was no turning back. All i could do is comfort her till the end, even then that last day she waited for me to come home so we can see each other one last time. Its hard and its so incredibly sad when someone loved goes on. But i think crying is a normal emtions but I never cried in front of my friend because i was her rock the way she had been mine growing up. Death touches us all different some remain strong and some break and crying but our emtions are all beautiful and it shows to others how much we care in our beautiful different ways.
May you have strenght for each day that goes by as you deal with this heartbreaking trial. May you grow strong from this as well because you are strong and you seem to keep growing stronger
bless it be

[Lunacie]

Sympathies for the loss, Lunacie.

Trying to understand: Why do you wish not to get emotional? Why not cry?

As Mirabella says in her post, sometimes we'd like to be strong and comforting for our friends who are experiencing the loss much more strongly than we are, instead of falling apart emotionally.

[Miabella]

we are all different in how we handle stuff, our coping mechianism are all different. But yet i always cry in private very easily, being an empathetic myself its hard. But I was taught at a young age (while being abused) never to show my emotions (because they consider this to be a weakness) which now I know is my strongest one - being able tohave emotions and feel others too!

But let me say this thou i never cried before sandra died, or if i did it was in private. But they day we buried here and I was one of her pall bears i let everyone see my emotions on my face bared to the world showing my love I had for my best friend/my sister but not by blood!


So I think we all deal differently and we all learn to show how we learn and deal with things differently too *sad smile*
we all go thru trials and tribulations ever day of our lives.

[Lunacie]

we are all different in how we handle stuff, our coping mechianism are all different. But yet i always cry in private very easily, being an empathetic myself its hard. But I was taught at a young age (while being abused) never to show my emotions (because they consider this to be a weakness) which now I know is my strongest one - being able tohave emotions and feel others too!

But let me say this thou i never cried before sandra died, or if i did it was in private. But they day we buried here and I was one of her pall bears i let everyone see my emotions on my face bared to the world showing my love I had for my best friend/my sister but not by blood!


So I think we all deal differently and we all learn to show how we learn and deal with things differently too *sad smile*
we all go thru trials and tribulations ever day of our lives.

Thank you Mia. In some ways it really does take more courage and strength to allow our feelings to show honestly and openly, as long as we're not wallowing and pulling a pity party for ourselves. Excellent insight. :uhhuhuh:

[staticonthewire]

As Mirabella says in her post, sometimes we'd like to be strong and comforting for our friends who are experiencing the loss much more strongly than we are, instead of falling apart emotionally.

Gotcha. It hadn't occurred to me that someone grieving would want you NOT to grieve, but I get it now.

Is there a middle ground between showing no emotion and falling apart emotionally?

[Frore]

Emotions are the strongest things on the planet. Through words they can raise your spirits through the heavens, through touch they can make you feel like you're the most loved woman in the world. They influence and effect all they come into contact with.

One of the few ways to do what you're wanting to do, is to simply seperate yourself from your friend on the 'love' level. Taking your situation, you should pre-plan that when you see her, you're seeing her as the rock, and giving her all the support she needs but nothing else. If crying with her isn't seen as a form of support in your eyes, then you will not cry because it is not what you're there to do or achieve.

This doesnt mean you have to drive a wedge between yourself and your friend, you just have to treat every situation with care. You're not going to waltz into the room and start cracking sex jokes, so they are the last thing on your mind. With conscious effort, you can be exactly what another person needs to the best of your ability, thus helping them to the extreme.

Just be aware that you do not get taken advantage of, as is easily the case.

[brigidrose]

When my Dad died, he was with us in Hospice ( wonderful program). We cried on and off, but I realized we were crying for ourselves not really for him.
He was in no pain, mostly sleeping. I do believe he could still hear us but he was mostly unresponsive. He was already in and out, I could see flicks of light once and a while and I knew he would be just fine.
Its hard to let go but they will be free and full of energy to do whatever they do on the otherside.

If you feel the urge to cry then cry, I do think people in morning appreciate that you feel for them. Being a sensitive you tend to feel deeper.

[Meadhbh]

You have a good point. People die and its a sad thing. But the people we're really crying for is ourselves. If it was a sudden death then they didn't suffer, at least not for long. If it was a lingering death then at least their pain is over. We all die its apart of the cycle of things. I find that keeping that in mind helps some what. Even if it hurts now its all apart of something bigger than us.

[Lunacie]

I understand all this, I really do, and I'm not talking about denying any honest emotions on my own part. Just saying that as an Empath I tend to automatically switch to whatever is going on with the other person, especially when it's such a strong emotion like fear or sadness or anger. And if I'm picking those up from someone else then they aren't honest emotions FOR ME and it would be nice to be able to connect with the other person without taking on their feelings as if they were mine.

Does that make any better sense?

[Lady White Tree]

Well, I'm not so sure about that. If you are crying for your own pain then that's perfectly fine and is appropriate whenever and wherever it happens. If, however, as an Empath (not a sensitive) you are feeling the pain that the person you are tuned in to feels (just as they feel it) then they are not actually your emotions.

The aura of a crossing person is the most beautiful it will ever be in the physical plane. Pale sky blue and filled with stars. You can commonly see angels and spirit guides in the room. From a spiritual perspective it is not a bad time.

Mostly the news we deliver is just hard to hear, not necessarily bad.

Blessings be

:hugz:

[Frore]

Lunacie, perhaps you would be so kind as to use your experiences and any future experiences to try something for me.

As we are all aware, an empath receives the emotional understanding of a person much more directly than an average person would, do to the heightened levels of sensitivity and psychic awareness.
If we take a moment to visualise that, let us assume it is of two jugs. One is empty, one has juice in it. An empath recieving the emotion from one person would be similar to pouring the juice from the full container into the empty one.

This represents the transferrence of feeling through empathy to you. The juice in your container muddles your own emotions, and you're left to get rid of it, either by absorption, or throwing the contents out. I believe that is similar to this situation.

I would like you, if you wish to, try something slightly varied.

In your mind, create a dupicate of yourself. A shell in every aspect. It simply looks like you, however, is not you. This is mind, you are still linked to it as it is your creation and under your control. There are now three jugs, you, your shell and the other person.

Instead of letting the emotions filter into you where you accept and understand them, subtly divert them, so the juice is being poured into the container of your shell. It is still linked to you, because it is your creation, and you will be aware of every emotional link within that shell. But it will not be directly involved with your own emotions.

This way, you can keep yourself clear from the emotions of others, will find it less of a hassle to move on (since you can simply dispose of the shell, rather than have to mentally exert a lot of effort on self-cleansing and grounding) and find it more convenient to deal with future situations that will be equally if not more, emotionally taxing.

Either way, let me know if you get any results should you decide to attempt it.

[watersprite]

AW! I know that is hard!
I will light a candle for strength for you and your friend.
And another for a peaceful transition for your friends' Mom.

[Lunacie]

Thanks again to those who had suggestions and good wishes all round. I find going through the last few losses that once the initial blasting of emotion passes, then I am able to sympathize more and empathize less. It's just dealing with that first blast that's so difficult, eh?

[Lunacie]

Lunacie, perhaps you would be so kind as to use your experiences and any future experiences to try something for me.

As we are all aware, an empath receives the emotional understanding of a person much more directly than an average person would, do to the heightened levels of sensitivity and psychic awareness.
If we take a moment to visualise that, let us assume it is of two jugs. One is empty, one has juice in it. An empath recieving the emotion from one person would be similar to pouring the juice from the full container into the empty one.

This represents the transferrence of feeling through empathy to you. The juice in your container muddles your own emotions, and you're left to get rid of it, either by absorption, or throwing the contents out. I believe that is similar to this situation.

I would like you, if you wish to, try something slightly varied.

In your mind, create a dupicate of yourself. A shell in every aspect. It simply looks like you, however, is not you. This is mind, you are still linked to it as it is your creation and under your control. There are now three jugs, you, your shell and the other person.

Instead of letting the emotions filter into you where you accept and understand them, subtly divert them, so the juice is being poured into the container of your shell. It is still linked to you, because it is your creation, and you will be aware of every emotional link within that shell. But it will not be directly involved with your own emotions.

This way, you can keep yourself clear from the emotions of others, will find it less of a hassle to move on (since you can simply dispose of the shell, rather than have to mentally exert a lot of effort on self-cleansing and grounding) and find it more convenient to deal with future situations that will be equally if not more, emotionally taxing.

Either way, let me know if you get any results should you decide to attempt it.

That will take some practice, hopefully with things that are less stressful than hearing about someone dying, to be able to basically set aside those feelings - still feeling them but without being overwhelmed by them. Sounds like a good idea though.