Husband needs help

[Cemetary_Raven]

My husband has some anger issues that he really needs to work through.
When he gets angry, he won't talk to whomever it is that he's mad at for several days or longer.
Sometimes he's anger results in him getting physical.
Like last night, my father in law and his brother in law went to pick him up from work, and well he was trying to order an pizza to bring home with him and his brother in law was rushing him, when all of them was in the truck his dad had to pull him off of the other because he was choking him.
And I'm very worried about all of this and what may happen.
Because the other times when he got physical with anyone it never was that bad. He has never tried to hurt our daughter or myself.
But I was wondering if there is any way he could get help without having to take meds for it, because before he and I met he was going for help with his anger and taking meds then one night he tried to od on it and had to be rushed to the hospital and have his stomach pumped.
If anyone could help, I'd greatly appreicate it thanks.

[Tanya]

sweetie,
my husband also has anger management issues... he has to get back in treatment... you and your child deserve better..

when he is in a calm mood tell him that you love him and support him and like he loves and supports you, you want togive him everything he needs to grow and develop as a person and a parent.

that you see he is struggling with his anger, that you love that he is trying to do the best he can with where he is.. and that you are willing to help him continue that journey of self discovery and healing

beyong meds, he needs to get to and deal with the source of his anger.. which is always... a lot of pain and disappointment that has come into his life

be his safe place to work through it.. but INSIST he MUST work through it for himself., you and your child.

[Cemetary_Raven]

Thanks, I'll try to talk to him.
I hope he will listen.

[Iris]

Tanya is right.

A lot of people scoff at the concept of therapy, but sometimes it really is needed.

Even if your husband has never hurt you or your daughter, anger of that magnitude still creates a horrible atmosphere where you feel you have to walk on eggshells and don't feel entirely 'safe'. Or at least, that has been my experience. You don't need the stress that comes with that, and you shouldn't have to deal with someone else's issues. The only person who can effectively deal with issues is the person whose issues they are!

Also, he doesn't just have adults to think about, adults who can reason theough his behavior...but a little girl (you don't say how old your daughter is so maybe she is not so little, but the point is still relevant lol) who looks up to him and will learn from him all the things that a man should be. Little girls generally idolise their fathers, and he needs to gain control of his temper, if not for you or himself, for the sake of setting a good example of a calm, respectful and well-rounded adult to his daughter.

I hope it goes well. Keep us updated :hugz:

[Lady White Tree]

I agree that professional assistance is the best path. His anger stems from something deep within and he cannot, and you cannot, estimate when and where it will bubble over. He is crying out for help and you are best placed to help him.

Blessings and peace to you and your family.

[Cemetary_Raven]

I hope I'll be able to talk to him about this with no problem, because usually when I bring up something that needs to be brought up he tends to get huffy about it. But I have to try.
Lilith our daughter will be 9 months old this month.
Personally I'm convined that he has bipolar because of his moods and everything, and I don't beleive him getting that self inflicted concussion helped it at all.
Sorry that this is the first time mentioning that.

[Glowy]

(( hugs))

Be there to support him, but you have yourself and your baby to worry about first. Bottom line. I hope he listens to you, about some treatment for the anger. He needs to do this for himself, and his family.

[darkangeljbm]

Well you should try to get him help but for rigth now get him a membership to a gym so he can work out which can help him relive stress in a way he migth feel more comfoable about insted of talking

[Clair de la Lune]

Honey, I am not trying to scare you, but if he lays a hand on you at all...you need to leave. The problem is that you may not have warning. He may just get violent 'out of the blue' with you...and you could land in the hospital...or worse. My ex was never violent with anyone else like yours is already comfortable being. Bad sign!

My ex just did little pushing or shoving things occasionally, and was psychologically abusive at times (withdrawing his affection and I would have to figure out what I did 'wrong' in his eyes) and then acting lovey-dovey and apologizing, until one night he lost his temper and put me in the hospital (nearly killed me) for not having dinner and laundry done 'on time'. He threatened me if I ever told anyone he would kill me and everyone that I cared about. He was never that bad before. I couldn't get help until the next day when he went to work (business trip). I was a mess. He thought I would die and left me for dead when he went out of town for a business trip. When he later found out I didn't, he wanted me back and wrote me a love letter and apologized (so I would not press charges). When I wouldn't come back he was a real monster.

All I have to say is that I know you love him, but be very, very careful, ok? He really needs help, and some people who are offered it, still refuse it when they have anger issues. His problem is NOT your problem. (I am sorry if that sounds harsh and blunt...but you can't force him to get help. He will get it if he wants it and will use it.) He had the problem before he met you.

You have to protect yourself and your baby from harm psychologically, verbally, and physically. It all hurts the same. Just one can kill you more quickly than the other ways and is more visible to others. You don't want her growing up and thinking it's ok and 'normal', to have to take that treatment from a guy and be scared all the time, do you?

If you need someone to talk to I am here. :hugz: I have been there, believe me.

Battered women's shelters are a great resource too. They a lot of times have 'anger management' resources for men to go to in a separate facility that you can access info on, and plenty of support for you and your baby! :)

[Darkest Eve]

:hugz:

I agree with what others have said... he needs to get back into treatment.

His doctor would need to be informed of what happened the last time he was on meds, because they will keep an eye on that and be more likely to recommend medications that don't have side effects that may increase the liklihood of him attempting suicide.

At the very least, he should attend some of the anger management sessions that most communities offer, and get some ideas on how to control his anger without medication... but a doctor is always your best bet, and can give you the most relief.

:hugz:

[Morgane]

Medication may be necessary, unfortunately. But, if they get him on the proper medication, it doesn't have to be a repeat performance of the last time.

I agree that you need to protect yourself and that precious little girl, so please, be careful. If you aren't comfortable approaching him about getting help, temporarily remove yourself from the house and talk to him via telephone. (I know that's not your first choice, but sometimes we don't have alot of choices as to how we handle things.)

Also know that, in most countries, should things get too out of hand, you can have someone involuntarily committed for a psychiatric evaluation should they present a threat to themselves or someone else. I know this is not something you would want to do to someone you love, but in many cases, it's the only way to get them the help they need.

[Cemetary_Raven]

I come bearing some news, he and I had a talk last night about his anger issues and he promised me that he will get help.
Espically since he was trying to goof off with me and he accidently got me in the mouth tearing my labrett a little, I told him that I know he didn't mean to because heck that's what happens when you rough house someone is bound to get hurt, he told me no, how could that had been accident? And he kept on aplogizing for it and hugging me tight and he even cried.