Dear Abby on Pagans/Handfasting

[Demeter]

I didn't see her original comments, or I'm sure I would have written to her, too ....

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/

[Psyche Ague]

Wow, I'm really impressed!

Way to educate the ignorant, Abby. Including yourself. :thumbsup:

Hm...we only had Ann Landers in our paper. ;)

[Danustouch]

Hooray for the Wet Noodle. Dear Abby just took a beatin! I am actually very relieved that she admitted ignorance. Hopefully, those who have read this column, who are NOT part of a Pagan Path, will find enlightenment through these words.

[Flaire-FireStar]

When I closed my eyes and tried to imagine a witch, what came to mind was a teenaged girl with black clothes, lipstick and nail polish going through a phase and trying to freak out her parents.


:rolleyes: Oh yes, all us pagan teens look like that.


:razz: to Dear Abby.

[Phoenix Blue]

**Grins** Chalk it up to Dear Abby reading too much "Teen Witch." :bigredgri

[Semele]

I actually remember the original question....because a coworker brought it to read to me...you know being a witch and all!! ;)

Basically the sister wrote in asking about how to approach the topic of the midnight ritual. The family didn't really get along well and hadn't for quite some time. The sister and the mother wanted to help in whatever way they could with the planning and event, but were shunned and asked to give money instead as they wouldn't understand her religion. In a nutshell, the mother and sister both had prior engagements the day after the handfasting which was to be held at midnight, and they wanted to know if there was a kosher way of getting out of it. Like could they have someone else drop off gifts etc?

I can't remember her exact response but, overall I thought it was pretty good. She said the same thing I would have...the lady was being selfish and rude to her family and shouldn't expect everyone to put their lives on hold and bend over backward to try to accept her when she was so baltantly rude to them. She suggested giving the gifts to someone else and telling her they couldn't make it. I would have done the same.

[Sequoia]

cool fish :cool:

[Flar's Freyja]

I almost double posted this because it didn't come up in the search function, MOL

Very good article for me to see right now. We've thought about midnight.......actually, our timing is more for my pagan friends than worries about family. We're being handfasted at Imbolc, and my friends are going to want to attend ritual that night :T

[MammaStar]

I saw that a few months ago...and since then decided that I'd NEVER read Dear Abby again, because her response ticked me off so much. I was considering drafting a response, but I figured why bother. I know...I know...nice attitude.....I'm glad someone more level headed responded and taught her a thing or two. maybe I'll venture a glance at the column next time I read the paper.

I sure do miss her Aunt though.

[PLHH]

I saw that in todays paper! To say the least, I was floored when I saw that! I'll BET she has learned more than she ever thought possible about Paganism! LOL

WAY TO GO READERS FOR WRITING/E-MAILING ABBY! :thumbsup:

[SerenityMoon]

*shrug* she admitted she was wrong, so...I don't see the big deal.

[Danustouch]

I think most of us think that it's GREAT that she admitted she was wrong. But..the "big" deal is that as an advice columnist, with such world renown, Dear Abby needs to be a little "knowledgeable" about the advice that she's giving. Yes..she admitted she was wrong. And that's terriffic. I was very impressed by her last reply. However, I think it's safe to say that most of us feel that someone with such fame and impact as she, should be more careful in the future, to look INTO things of which she is ignorant, before doling out advice :)

[Sequoia]

Earlier today, my mum called and was excited, telling me about how a Pagan Princess had written to Dear Abby to correct her, and how she wanted to know if I'd seen it.

[Sequoia]

oh, I forgot to add - here's the origional article. http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/viewda.cfm?uc_fn=1&uc_full_date=20020902&uc_daction=P&uc_comic=da my goodness! Somebody smack her with the baka stick!! :rolleyes:

[flar7]

I didnt see anything wrong with her response. She was quite
mild in expressing her opinion and said pretty much what I woulda
said. basically, "go to the wedding, dont do the clean up"(rude of
her to ask)

Abby only said she didnt know how serious sister was about
her religion or how long it would last. (She doesnt know. Simple)
It is an advice column based on personal opinion, people who write
in should know this.

[Sequoia]

"Dear Abby,
My born-again sister is having a wedding. She excluded me from the plans, because I am Jewish and she felt I wouldn't quite understand it, but she has no problem with letting me help clean up. Also, she's holding her service in a Christian church, which is quite an inconvinence and uncomfortable situation for me. I was wondering, should I just send her a wedding present and refuse to attend?"

"First of all, your mother should decline the "invitation" to be the clean-up crew. Your sister appears to be in a world of her own.

I don't know how serious her interest in Christianity is, or how long it will last. However, if you and your mother are curious about what the ceremony will be like, I think you should attend. It will demonstrate to your sister -- and her friends -- that you care about her and wish her well."

Does anybody else see how much more folks would be in an uproar about this. . . ? All I did was change one word. Oi vey. :rolleyes:

Yes, she was polite about it, but it was still a snub *chuckles* and we all do love to nit-pick! It's religion! If we all agreed, we'd all think the same way. ;) :D

[flar7]

I've seen similar stuff in other opinion/advice columns.

I think the world of her own, was in response to the girl thinking
that she could exclude them from the planning and yet have them
clean up. makes sense that way. And in her apology, it was a
blanket apology in case anyone saw any offence in any part. She
only mentioned in apology about stereotypical witches.....

[SerenityMoon]

i completely agree with flar7. it's an advice and opinions column. i don't think she was insulting at all, ignorant, maybe, but not insulting. the thing is, there are MANY young adults or teens who DO go through "witch" phases, i've seen it. they have misconceptions of what pagans or wiccans are, and they dress completely in black and pretend to cast spells an curses and give themselves ridiculous names, and..*shakes head* and it lasts about four months. so i doesn't surprise me that she pondered whether or not the woman's sister was serious.
i still see no reason for an uproar to be caused over it. if she had said something about the unimportance of paganism or wicca, then i could see,but she didn't.

[Psyche Ague]

While I do see her point about making that "don't know how long her silly witch phase will last" comment, I still can't get over it. Maybe I'm just being silly, but I really do feel offended. Sure, there are kids who go through an "ooh, I'm evil; I'm a witch" phase, but I've known people who have gone through a "born-again christian" phase, too. But somehow I doubt that Abby would have snubbed christianity or judaism or another "traditional, acceptable" religion in the same way. It just gets to me.

By the way, my aunt sent me the article in the mail. :D

[SerenityMoon]

here's the thing:
stereotypes can only exist as long as people live up to them.
there are more people who roll their eyes at "witch phases" then "born again christian phases" simply becuase there ARE more witch phases. there are more people who pretend to be wicca/witches/whatever then a born again christian. therefore, it's only natural for people to assume. it's not RIGHT, but it's understandable. (there's a difference between justification and understanding).
people perceive witches as angst ridden teens who dress in black and have whimsical names becuase there ARE those-a lot, might i add-who do that. they exist, therefore, we stereotype.

[Psyche Ague]

Yes, I admit that it's an occasionally proven stereotype about witches and Pagans that we're "weird" and "childish" and all that. Obviously that's not true for everyone. It's just the fact that someone who is supposed to give advice and take everything into consideration and be well-informed would say something like that. It's ignorant. I understand that Paganism is not a well-understood religion. That's fine. But she shouldn't have made a statement like that without knowing the subject she was giving advice about, especially since it had no place in her advice in that particular situation. It was just thrown in as an extra. That's my problem with it.

[flar7]

well, she didnt make a statement, she stated an opinion.:)

[SerenityMoon]

of course it's ignorant. she didn't know better. but as flar7 says, it's an opinion, and most opinions ARE ignorant. *shrugs* i still see nothing wrong with it. people who write in to these advice columns should understood that it's THIS perons's column, and they hvae the right to throw in whatever extras they please

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by Psyche Ague
Yes, I admit that it's an occasionally proven stereotype about witches and Pagans that we're "weird" and "childish" and all that. Obviously that's not true for everyone. It's just the fact that someone who is supposed to give advice and take everything into consideration and be well-informed would say something like that. It's ignorant. I understand that Paganism is not a well-understood religion. That's fine. But she shouldn't have made a statement like that without knowing the subject she was giving advice about, especially since it had no place in her advice in that particular situation. It was just thrown in as an extra. That's my problem with it.

:lol: Rush Limbaugh's been doing that for years......I cut him off the radio a few years ago because he was blabbing about criminal rehabilitation and had no clue what he was talking about. He even had the facts wrong. Haven't given him one second of my time since.