Yvonne Belisle
May 13th, 2001, 01:18 PM
Please print out, fill out, and turn in this appication.
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including
drug tests) from your doctor.
1. NAME _________________ DATE OF BIRTH _________
2. HEIGHT ___ WEIGHT ___ I.Q. ____ G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _____________________________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_________________
If No, EXPLAIN ____________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married /handfasted ________________
8. Do you own a van? ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? ________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring,
or a tattoo? _____________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
________________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does
"DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
________________________________________________________
12. Church/coven you attend _____________
How often do you attend? ____________
13. When would be the best time to interview your
father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister/priestess?
_____________________________________________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone, ever, I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would
want wounded is ___________________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken
is my __________________________
c) A woman's place is in the ___________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask
me about is ______________________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice
about her is _________________________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
________________________________________
Signature( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please
do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before
your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen
wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch
your back).
Do you still want to date my daughter?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including
drug tests) from your doctor.
1. NAME _________________ DATE OF BIRTH _________
2. HEIGHT ___ WEIGHT ___ I.Q. ____ G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK___________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _____________________________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_________________
If No, EXPLAIN ____________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married /handfasted ________________
8. Do you own a van? ______
A truck with oversized tires? ______
A waterbed? ________
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring,
or a tattoo? _____________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
________________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or less, what does
"DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
________________________________________________________
12. Church/coven you attend _____________
How often do you attend? ____________
13. When would be the best time to interview your
father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister/priestess?
_____________________________________________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone, ever, I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would
want wounded is ___________________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken
is my __________________________
c) A woman's place is in the ___________________
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask
me about is ______________________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice
about her is _________________________
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
________________________________________
Signature( That means your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please
do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before
your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen
wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch
your back).
Do you still want to date my daughter?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house...