Uni life closure and future optimism

[Raining_At_sunset]

Hi guys,
About a year and a half ago I graduated from university. Since then I feel like my life has been spiralling down. I miss everything about uni. I miss having room mates, going down to the pub, going to lessons, doing one nighters, getting to meet new and interesting people. Since moving back with my parents I've done pretty much nothing but mope about and I have no enthusiasm to do anything. I used to be in a band but these days I struggle to pick up the guitar to learn something. I used to have friends but here I have no-one. Everyone has moved out of this town and I only see them when they come back here. I have a vomiting phobia and although it's always been with me it's been really bad in the past year or so, down to the point where I can't go out without freaking about it. I can't touch door handles, anyone who touches me or walks past me I worry they'll have passed something onto me. I'm getting better because up until a couple of months ago it was on my mind 24/7 and I got really stressed and depressed because of it.

Here I feel like half the man I used to be. I feel like this town is part of the reason because there's just nothing to do here. I can't get back into a band or go to a local open mic night because there aren't any around here. I feel useless and that I can't get a career in animation or illustration, which is what I've been studying since I was a kid. I can't even get a retail job round here because there's nothing. I spend my days in my bedroom on the computer doing nothing. I'm so frightened of picking up a stomach bug that I can't even see anything good about this time of year. It's cold, people are always ill, it gets dark early.

The only thing keeping me going is that I have a girlfriend over 3000 miles away in Texas. I'm planning on moving over at the end of the year to be married and handfasted to her and it's the only thing keeping me going and look forward to. Until then I'm stuck here in this town with no job, no friends, no career prospects, no social life. I do think a lot of it is since leaving university. I really miss everything about it and I think that's why my vomiting phobia has taken a huge turn, because I'm doing nothing, missing my past and leaving myself open for it to take over. I'm hitting 26 in 2 months and I think it's hitting me that I'm not as young as I was, I can't go back to uni, that I need to grow up, get a job and settle down.

If anyone could offer any advice or anything I'd really appreciate it because I just don't know what to do anymore. Thanks :-)

[SphinYote]

:hugz:

The thoughts are always worse for me when i have nothing to do, to distract myself. They take over when there's nothing to replace them with.

It sounds pretty strong in your case. If you don't think that therapy is right for you, nor medication (I'm phobic of medication and have enough of a chip on my shoulder, some rational some not, about therapists, that going to one wouldn't help right away when going through a depressive phase, building up the rapport/trust/connection would take a long time), then I'd suggest going out and either volunteering or getting a part time job where you are learning a new skill or working with your hands....I have a masters degree, and yet working in a frame shop at hobby lobby, while having its own stresses, was probably one of the best things that happened for breaking me out of a depressive cycle, just because I always had something I HAD to be doing. It wasn't always pleasant, but it didn't give me time to think about everything worrying or frightening, and therefore broke the cycle long enough for me to get general control over my mind and emotions again.

When left to my own devices I can't choose, and tend to continue in that cycle, but I know now that when I feel the thoughts starting again I go and just find a novel and start reading, force myself to focus on it (some days it isn't possible, other times it helps). Computer doesn't work, I'm always following quick leads, whatever captures my immediate interest, and being as I'm not really focusing on anything, it's too disjointed, and allows the thoughts to come back in.

Get something to concentrate on. It doesn't matter what, or whether you like the activity or not. Whatever requires enough concentration that it breaks the cycle. Just make sure that it captures your attention, frustrating or no.

My concentration, ability to hold a thought still isn't what it used to be, and one of the things I've been trying (rather unsuccessfully, but it's sufficiently distracting from my own thoughts that it still has a benefit despite my lack of success at the actual activity) is poetry memorization.

If you were part of a band before, use your old instrument, find a new one, and just play it, learn new songs, concentrate on that. It doesn't matter whether you like it or not at first, just throw yourself into it to distract yourself from the thoughts. I know if I don't do anything, it just gets worse and more paranoid. The thoughts (in your case it sounds like fear of illness) keep compounding until they are the only thing. You need something else to think about, something else to feed your mind so it quits gnawing on the same old bones.

And sometimes it seems impossible. But try. Given my own issues about therapists (who might genuinely be able to help, if I could get over my own stumbling block) and my phobia of medication, it's the only thing I have to fall back on at times....

Hope you find something that helps, and in the meantime, know that some of us do know where you're at now, and how bad it can get. I sincerely hope that you find something that you can use and feel better.

Good luck,

Yote

[watersprite]

It's time to get a bit of help, friend. Get out doors and deal with those germaphobe problems. No sense coming here if you cannot deal with your issues first.
IT can be beautiful here in Texas, but a total change. If she is in Austin You would be in a Uni town. But so are most of the cities here because we are so spread out.
I wish you luck, and hope you can get past that depression and grow up a bit.

[Raining_At_sunset]

:hugz:

The thoughts are always worse for me when i have nothing to do, to distract myself. They take over when there's nothing to replace them with.

It sounds pretty strong in your case. If you don't think that therapy is right for you, nor medication (I'm phobic of medication and have enough of a chip on my shoulder, some rational some not, about therapists, that going to one wouldn't help right away when going through a depressive phase, building up the rapport/trust/connection would take a long time), then I'd suggest going out and either volunteering or getting a part time job where you are learning a new skill or working with your hands....I have a masters degree, and yet working in a frame shop at hobby lobby, while having its own stresses, was probably one of the best things that happened for breaking me out of a depressive cycle, just because I always had something I HAD to be doing. It wasn't always pleasant, but it didn't give me time to think about everything worrying or frightening, and therefore broke the cycle long enough for me to get general control over my mind and emotions again.

When left to my own devices I can't choose, and tend to continue in that cycle, but I know now that when I feel the thoughts starting again I go and just find a novel and start reading, force myself to focus on it (some days it isn't possible, other times it helps). Computer doesn't work, I'm always following quick leads, whatever captures my immediate interest, and being as I'm not really focusing on anything, it's too disjointed, and allows the thoughts to come back in.

Get something to concentrate on. It doesn't matter what, or whether you like the activity or not. Whatever requires enough concentration that it breaks the cycle. Just make sure that it captures your attention, frustrating or no.

My concentration, ability to hold a thought still isn't what it used to be, and one of the things I've been trying (rather unsuccessfully, but it's sufficiently distracting from my own thoughts that it still has a benefit despite my lack of success at the actual activity) is poetry memorization.

If you were part of a band before, use your old instrument, find a new one, and just play it, learn new songs, concentrate on that. It doesn't matter whether you like it or not at first, just throw yourself into it to distract yourself from the thoughts. I know if I don't do anything, it just gets worse and more paranoid. The thoughts (in your case it sounds like fear of illness) keep compounding until they are the only thing. You need something else to think about, something else to feed your mind so it quits gnawing on the same old bones.

And sometimes it seems impossible. But try. Given my own issues about therapists (who might genuinely be able to help, if I could get over my own stumbling block) and my phobia of medication, it's the only thing I have to fall back on at times....

Hope you find something that helps, and in the meantime, know that some of us do know where you're at now, and how bad it can get. I sincerely hope that you find something that you can use and feel better.

Good luck,

Yote

Thanks for the reply Yote :-) I like the idea of keeping busy and I can see what you mean about the internet not being great for it because you can wonder off on so many things. I'm trying to get back into my music and I may be going back to my old band in Stoke which could be great. With regards to medication, I went to the doctor earlier last year about my vomiting phobia and they put me on anti depressants. Sadly one of the effects I got was nausea and after waking up one morning nearly throwing up it took me months to be able to sleep normally again. I've been to exposure therapy and I ended up panicking more and as a result I had to leave that. But I'm hoping I can take my mind off things and it will help.

[Raining_At_sunset]

It's time to get a bit of help, friend. Get out doors and deal with those germaphobe problems. No sense coming here if you cannot deal with your issues first.
IT can be beautiful here in Texas, but a total change. If she is in Austin You would be in a Uni town. But so are most of the cities here because we are so spread out.
I wish you luck, and hope you can get past that depression and grow up a bit.

Thanks for the reply watersprite :-) I have slowly been trying to expose myself...it's mostly public places that I tend to start worrying.
Texas was certainly beautiful when I visited, I felt so at home there. When I move over there I'll be staying in Terrell, near Dallas, but there are plans of moving to Austin.

[watersprite]

Austin is a WONDERFUL place. Lot's of live music, plenty of "Pubs." But you can't smoke anywhere in public around here, so get ready for that.
There are plenty of Tech places,(Dell is based there), I don't know what they are doing, job wise. AND it depends on your degree.