spirituality, religion & your significant other

[Hestia]

Well here's a thought for a new thread:

Do you and your significant other share the same spiritual or religious values?

If not, how does it affect your relationship?

If yes, did you enter the relationship because of the similarity or did one person decide to follow the others' path?

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I am openly pagan with my husband of 7 years who is not (I have been a practicing witch for 13 yrs). He came from a very strict Christian upbringing and decided that it was not for him. Although he is open minded and supportive of my path he is still not all together comfortable with it and will often brush it off as "my thing" or just "something that I do". But I respect his chioces and we often share the same point of view. Still, I often envy couples that share the same spiritual path and are able to practice together. What are your experiences with this issue?

[Yvonne Belisle]

My husband and I follow different paths but they are both pagan. We are solitary practitioners and we share many of the same views and feelings. I have however in the past had husbands who's religious views were very different from my own. One of my exes was a Holy Roller and life with him was a nightmare. He was very close minded to any other ideas. I feel very lucky to have what I do right now.

[Earth Walker]

Ariel and I have both followed the Path of the Great
Goddess before and after we got together. It has been
a wonderful experience, learning from each other, and
from our family here at mysticwicks. :sunny:

[Xois]

No my SO and I do not walk the same path. I have been Pagan for 11 years and he was quite Anti-Pagan!

IT always amaved me that he was interested in me at all since there were so many things that he was so against. It got so bad that I had to leave him (but not directly about my spirituality, but more about not feeling like I could express myself)

Boy what a 180 he did! After that, he is very tolerant (which is all I ask) of my path. He even participated in my last Samhain rite! i coudln't believe it, he was out there, offering wisky to the earth naked around a fire with me..and he wants to do something for June 21. He offers to burn candles for people all the time and he helped me pruify my new apartment after I left him and we moved into different locations...it was a wake up call, i'll tell you!

I guess he decided I was more important than his stereotypes of pagans! Gee and it only took 4 years LOL

I don't think he will ever be pagan, but thats ok. We have a very intergrated life together. i love him very much and I know he loves me too...its not easy...but THAT has nothing to do with spirituality! ;)

It always amazed me that people would let religion split them up...that seems just what religion would seek to avoid! I am pagan on the inside, and pagan on the outside, but It is not the ONLY thing I have in my life! So I am not just Pagan, I just happen to be Pagan also.

Cheers
Xois

[LaDaya]

Currently, I'm not married but most of the guys I've been in a relationship with were either pagan or were at least open to my path. I would not go out with anyone that tried to change my beliefs or were critical of them....

[Hestia]

Originally posted by Xois

It always amazed me that people would let religion split them up...that seems just what religion would seek to avoid! I am pagan on the inside, and pagan on the outside, but It is not the ONLY thing I have in my life! So I am not just Pagan, I just happen to be Pagan also.

Cheers
Xois

I definitely agree with you there. I think mutual respect is probably one of the most important factors in any relationship. My husband may sometimes tease me about hugging trees and talking to the moon, but he would be my biggest ally if someone were to impose on my right to do so. And like in your case, my SO has sometimes surprised me by taking part in some of my practices. I like to take a walk along the river during the full moon and visit with a willow tree along its banks. My husband will usually offer to come along and even hang out under the tree with me. :)

[Amethyst Rose]

Well.....

My hubby is an Athiest -- a very skeptical, athiest. He's known that I'm a witch from day one though, and he's always found it kinda neat. He bought me my chalice, crystal ball and sword, and he even watched me do my dedication ritual.... mostly because I was doing it at night, outside, and he didn't want me to get attacked or anything.
However, I'm not too open about it around him. I've found that he tends to roll his eyes about some things, especially divination, so I try to keep what I do to myself.
I think it would be cool if he wanted to participate in rituals with me, and whatnot. But at the same time, it just wouldn't be him if he did.... does that make any sense?

Anyway.....

[Vinga]

I don't know what my hubby is ;). He isn't interested in religion or spirituality at all and when asked he just says 'I believe there is a god for everything', and no matter how hard I try he won't elaborate.
However he is very tolerant when it comes to my spirituality. He has known from day one what my beliefs are and even though I get the occasional eye roll, he leaves it up to me to do what I want.
It can sometimes affect the relationship, but I don't think he is aware of that. Sometimes I wish he'd be a little bit more interested or at least curious, if not in my path in any path. For example when there is a pagan event or pagan store I want to visit I most often have to go alone. It also effect my practicing in a way I know for a fact he isn't aware of. He has a daughter from a previous relationship and when she is with us I don't feel that I can be as open about it or leave things laying around. Her mothers family is very conservative Christian and I don't want to cause him any unnecessary problems because of my chosen spiritual path.

[MystyPines]

Merry Meet All!

I have been Pagan for 7 years and when I met my husband 1 1/2 years ago, I kept my paganism from him not sure what his beliefs were. Then, one day he mentioned that his English grandmother in Salem, Mass was a witch and clairvoyant and used to do readings with regular playing cards and told him when he was 6 years old that he also had the gift which he does through his dreams. It just blew me away. I then told him I was Pagan, and he proceeded to pull out old storage boxes filled with books on Wicca, natural magick, etc. that he read back during his college years. Since then, it has been a beautiful spiritual path with a wonderful working partner celebrating the esbats, sabbats and spellworking together. We make herbal intent candles together, work on our herb garden together and late at night in bed we write in our journals and BOS's. I tell ya, after a previous emotionally abusive marriage of 12 years, I never thought I would see a glimmer of light, but I guess the Goddess was supporting me all the way...........

[Faery-Wings]

But he knows this is an important part of me. I was raised a Catholic and was actually in a Catholic all girls college (I know, unbelievable! LOL) when we met. In my own defense, I had dropped out of a state college in my senior year, and had to find somewhere where I could commute as well as get my teaching degree. ;) Anyway, he had a lot of trouble with a lot of the Catholic stuff that came with my family. I wasn't a practicing Catholic at this point but for funerals and weddings kind of stuff I went along.

Over the years, he has always seen that I tend to go to my own drummer, so when I told him recently that I wanted to become Wiccan, he wasn't surprised. However, he doesn't take it seriously himself, it is "just one of those things I do," and I get some eye rolls like Amythest Rose! :)

He said he wants to watch a ritual one night and was a bit bent when I said no way. He would totally ruin my concentration and that isn't something I feel comfortable with yet. And I think I would feel self conscious too- like I would have to be prepared for his jokes afterwards.

Here's another question~for those of you whose SO do participate, does it make it harder to concentrate? And for those of you whose SO don't particiapate, do they feel left out? And how do you handle that?

Chris

[Mairwen]

Do you and your significant other share the same spiritual or religious values?

If not, how does it affect your relationship?

If yes, did you enter the relationship because of the similarity or did one person decide to follow the others' path?


My SO (whom I call Mr on the boards and IMs) and I are both Elder Gwyddons. He realized that his future didn't follow a Christian Path when he met me 9 years ago. He and I started along the Gwyddon Path together, though I ended up being his teacher after a time. He is HP to my HPs. I became an Elder in December of last year; he was Eldered in April.

For the last year, while I've been concentrating on the Druidry Priesthood, he's been following the Asatru Path. His decision. Once a Gwyddon has reached Third Degree, which we both did in 1997, he is free to follow his own wishes. He is here in HP capacity, however, whenever there's an Initiation, an Elevation, etc, or etc ~ whenever we need him to be. He is Gwyddon before anything else.

[bluecat]

I met my first wife at a Mormon Ice cream social, really! It was when I was trying desparately to "fit in to society" which failed :). But that is another thread. I introduced her to the paganism and she is still pagan. We parted on other issues, but are still on friendly terms.

I am presently very happy with someone, from here ;), who is out to her family and friends and who will be moving in with me very soon. :)

I am not out to my whole family though and my sister thinks she has ammunition to use against me. To quote a cartoon character, "She don't know me too well, do she?"

Blue :cool:

[Mairwen]

Originally posted by chryssi1
Here's another question~for those of you whose SO do participate, does it make it harder to concentrate? And for those of you whose SO don't particiapate, do they feel left out? And how do you handle that?

Concentration isn't an issue. Why would it be? ... K, now I'm confused! LOL!

[cydira]

My beloved and I are both pagan. I'm a witch, I'm not exactly sure what he practices. He tells me druidism, but some times I swear that he is practicing Asatru and just not telling me. <chuckles> Just don't tell him, I'll get scolded for that one again. Last time I was tickled untill I cried with laughter....

Anyways, putting aside the antics of myself and my beloved, once in a while he may participate in my rituals. Because I'm in Maryland and he is in New York (long story), we don't get that much of an opportunity to celebrate any rites together. My father's family is supportive of my choice of religion. My mother's side, I don't really associate with or consider to be family for various reasons.

I don't really know too much about how his family feels. I know that it is a non issue with his mother's side of the family, but I don't know about his father's side. I'm a little too overwhelmed by the fact that there is *so many* of them. His father's side of the family is *huge* :eek: I don't know what I'll do when we finally do get married. <faints dead away at the thought of the reception>

But now I"m rambling agian. :)

[IsisMoon]

MM All
I am very lucky that my significant other is supportive of my sprituality (I was not so fortunate with my ex!) and my search.
While we have been together I have been searching for my path, and he is fine with that. We have similar views on many aspects of belief and that there are outside as well as inside forces. Neither of us really has a 'label' or category that we fit into. I suppose multidenominational witch would suit me best! :-)
Blessings
IsisMoon

[cybele]

Hestia,

Oh my, you certainly are bowling down my alley with that question. I have been married for seven years to a Jehovah's Witness. He does not attend church/temple nor has he ever gone "door to door", he just converted when he married his first wife ( very young) and holds some of the core beliefs very strongly. As much as I love discussing and learning other religions, he gets uncomfortable when I prod him to tell me more of his faith. We have grown together over the years and he does take interest in my religion occasionally, though ( despite my best efforts at education) I think he is a bit frightened of the subject. We do have many common spiritual beliefs, I am not sure if it is "J.W" beliefs or they are just his own. We hold the same mores and ethic for the most part and have a good relationship. Neither of us try and "change" the other. I sometimes am envious of those people who have partners of the same religion, but I would not ever wish to have anybody as my life partner than my husband. We are more than what we choose as spiritual paths, we are individuals who find each other "nifty". :rolleyes:

Blessings,
Cybele

[sherry]

Originally posted by bluecat
I met my first wife at a Mormon Ice cream social, really! It was when I was trying desparately to "fit in to society" which failed :). But that is another thread. I introduced her to the paganism and she is still pagan. We parted on other issues, but are still on friendly terms.

I am presently very happy with someone, from here ;), who is out to her family and friends and who will be moving in with me very soon. :)

I am not out to my whole family though and my sister thinks she has ammunition to use against me. To quote a cartoon character, "She don't know me too well, do she?"

Blue :cool:

And I could not be Happier about meeting you here !!
I never expected to meet anyone here, and have never even dated anyone who was pagan before. Could be why they never worked out !! I do not like to hide anything about me and now that my confidence in who and what I am is on a rise the choice to move west was the easiest choice I have ever made!!

[Hestia]

BlueCat and Sherry, I just think it's so cool how you found each other here :) Just wanted to wish you guys lots of luck and much happiness :heartthro

[Vinga]

Ooooh :heartthro :heartthro :heartthro!! :D I met my hubby online 3 and some years ago and I moved from Europe to Canada, easiest decision I've ever made!
Bestest of luck and Brightest Blessings to the two of you! :sunny:

[Faery-Wings]

I am good at that :p


<<Originally posted by chryssi1
Here's another question~for those of you whose SO do participate, does it make it harder to concentrate? And for those of you whose SO don't particiapate, do they feel left out? And how do you handle that?
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Concentration isn't an issue. Why would it be? ... K, now I'm confused! LOL!>>

What I meant and had difficulty saying is that my hubby wants to watch- not participate. There is no way I could think straight (hard enough without distraction) with him looking over my shoulder. And as soon as I started talking to people "that aren't there" (that is what he would think), he would be ROTF and I would be pissed. Not my idea of a circle LOL!!

Does that make any sense or am I confusing people more?


Chris
:confused:

[Mairwen]

Now watching and staring I couldn't handle.

[*ULA*]

My Muchacho is not pagan - but very open-minded. He's Christian- but not Christian. When we met, I was so pissed off and bitter at Christianity in general... but he helped ME become more open-minded towards Christianity.

He was a little confused when I told him that I was studying Wicca.. and skeptical.. but now he thinks it's pretty cool.. :)

and good thing, too - or i'd have to thwack him. :)

[SahuaDjet]

Em Hotep (in peace),
My bf and I have differences in many areas not just religion but they seem to be tolerated, eheh. He is an eclectic of sorts he agrees with wicca, buddhism, and Kemetic Orthodox (which I am currently taking the beginners class) and anything that says "it isnt the only true way". We don't really discuss religion because for some reason it gets our feathers in a ruffle. Strangely enough he is the one who introduced Wicca to me :D . We have been together 3 years and I have yet to figure out what exactly his view points are his way is just his own :) . I have practiced Wicca for the past year though and there hasnt been any problems he supports me as well as I support him.

Sahu Djet

[Xois]

:) Glad you are taking the probationers class. Its great. Rev. Schaefer is wonderful!

I hope you learn what you need to do :)

I am happy being Remtje! (I still think I am spelling that wrong!)

Cheers
Xois

[Mariposa De La Luna]

Originally posted by Hestia
Well here's a thought for a new thread:

Do you and your significant other share the same spiritual or religious values?

If not, how does it affect your relationship?

If yes, did you enter the relationship because of the similarity or did one person decide to follow the others' path?


Me and my husband are Pagan seekers. I believe we met up in this life so I could be steered to Paganism. he introduced me and gave me a couple of books to read when we we're just friends. It sounded great and all but I was too busy being a teenager. So eventually we hooked up and got married, this is not our first lifetime together in a married sence. My husband lives by the Rede and the 3 fold law but never practiced so it was a nonissue for most of our marrage and I had alot of issue to resolve within myself. now we are taking classes together and attending circles. Now most of you are probably thinking I've got it easy but its not so simple. My husband has not wanted to do this alone and i've felt like I am his "crutch". if I wasn't going with him I'd doubt he'd go. I'm not the talkative one either. I feel like my learning has been more of an "awakening" and my life has changed quite a bit since Samhain. I have been practicing solitary lately and I love it! My husband's learning is going at his pace, which is a bit slower than mine. He also has this notion that we can join the same coven. I doubt this will happen since we're at different points in our learning and have different expectations. I don't think he can admit this to himself. I also don't feel comfortable practicing alone with my husband but I won't go into that and it will most likely change with time. Besides that we mostly think alike and we are soul mates. I don't know where Paganism will take our relationship but I embrace it and the change it brings. My views are changing on alot of things and I have alot to work out/on yet but to say the least I don't believe our relationship will be the same 10 yrs from today.