In a whispering glade...

[Arzhela]

*she lies down, stretched out on the ground, under the stars*
Great Mother, I am standing in a whirling eddy and my feet slip on the rocks. Help me to find a foothold, a handhold, help me to stand upright without a stiff back. Help me to be strong without being rigid, to be relaxed without being overly vulnerable.
*rolls under the sheltering branches of a hemlock tree and slowly falls asleep*

[Arzhela]

*rises to stand facing the wind that blows strongly through the trees* Thank you for holding my hand, Great Mother, as I begin to find new strength.

[Arzhela]

*Sets a candle on a flat stone and lights it*

Please, let this concert go well. I know that we can do it.

[Arzhela]

*wanders through the snow-crusted woods in the cold that feels like it should be making the air crackle...passes through into the little clearing, which miraculously has been less touched by winter than the rest of the forest. A soft, warm breeze stirs through the hemlock. She sits down and buries her fingers in the grass, then stares up to the blue, cloudless sky.*

Great Mother, it would be so nice for things to work out for once, so nice to not have to keep such a firm grip on emotions. But I hardly dare hope anymore; it has been so long since that kind of dream turned into reality for me. Strange then, how I still hope, even though my head tells me that I am foolish, that it is useles. Why is it always useless? Grant me the ability to understand, for right now I cannot. It does not make sense to me, and I do not see what more I can do. What more is necessary?
But I will abide by what will be. Grant me the strength to go into battle once again if needed. Grant me the gaiety of spirit to carry on through frustration, impatience, and disappointment.

[Arzhela]

Goddess, I do not understand what I am doing wrong. Or is it me at all? Why is it this way? The only thing keeping me from despair is the knowledge that despair is even worse than the frustration I am feeling now. On all other aspects of my life I seem to be making progress. I work and eventually I see the results of that work. But here...
What more must I do?