MitsukaiMizuAmaya
January 15th, 2009, 02:01 AM
I am rather new to Wicca. I can't actually get any books or study the path very much until I turn eighteen - I turn seventeen on the 24th - because my mother absolutely forbade it. But there have been somethings that just have been piling up lately.
I'll start with the mildest. Quite often, when I look at clocks, I look at exactly 11:11. Am and Pm. I happens a lot, but mostly at night.
Throughout my life, I've sort of seen things. Sometimes I dream of something, and then it happens. Maybe the next day, maybe a year from then, but a lot of the time it happens. For instance, I had a dream about playing a videogame, getting stuck in it, then figuring out how to get past what I was stuck on and kept playing. About a week or so later, I got a new game and played it. At one part, I started feeling deja vu, and got stuck for an hour before it hit me; this was the same thing that had happened in my dream. I then used what I remembered to get past that part.
That's a mild one. I also dreamed of things like my father's and grandmother's diagnosis of cancer, as well as their death. And then it happened. I sort of KNEW my dad had cancer, and when he told us I... wasn't surprised. I also dreamed of a dark man attacking me and... doing things. Then that happened. I don't know what it is, and it scares me.
Also, when I meditate, I sometimes feel this presence. Not a bad one, just like someone is there with me. I feel an odd sense, almost like what I think love would be like. It keeps me peaceful. And sometiems when I dream, I dream of a man. He has long hair. Sometimes it is black, other times it is gold; usually in a braid. His eyes are a bright, bright silver. And his skin is pale. I get the same feeling I do when I'm meditating sometimes when I see this man when I dream. And when I do, it's just the two of use sitting together in a field of white flowers, talking. Always the same place. Oddly enough, he is always wearing old Japanese clothing; hakamas, furisodes, kosodes, etc. And my hair is floor-length, white, and I wear a plain white dress. In reality, my hair is shoulder-length and a lightish brown. This dream has been coming a lot for years now, usually once or twice a month. I remember it very well because it's one of the few dreams I can remember entirely. It's just so unbelivably VIVID for a dream... Then there is the first few seconds after I wake up. I can SWEAR someone laying with me, but when I wake up fully and turn around, there's no one.
And then, when I'm alone and I don't feel that presence, I feel another. This one isn't so good. I feel scared sometimes, especially when the lights are out. It's gotten worse, and sometimes it's hard to sleep. I feel like this one follows me, too. I've taken a tendency to never let myself be alone or, if so, never have it quiet to. Because it's then that I mostly feel it. When I am changing, even in my bathroom or my own room, I feel like something is almost leering at me. And all this gets worse when I'm around mirrors. Conincidentally, my bathroom is covered in them. I feel like I'm suffocating in it sometimes. And whenever I feel this presence, I seem to think things I shouldn't a lot more. It feels like another voice is in my head. Like something it trying to force me to do things I don't want to. I won't say what it tells me to do unless someone asks, though. But when the other presence, the good one, returns, the other one is gone. This one hasn't come to me in a dream or anything, but sometimes when I'm laying down to go to sleep after turning off the lights, I almost think I can see someone past the curtains of my bed.
Am I just being paranoid or crazy or something?
I'll start with the mildest. Quite often, when I look at clocks, I look at exactly 11:11. Am and Pm. I happens a lot, but mostly at night.
Throughout my life, I've sort of seen things. Sometimes I dream of something, and then it happens. Maybe the next day, maybe a year from then, but a lot of the time it happens. For instance, I had a dream about playing a videogame, getting stuck in it, then figuring out how to get past what I was stuck on and kept playing. About a week or so later, I got a new game and played it. At one part, I started feeling deja vu, and got stuck for an hour before it hit me; this was the same thing that had happened in my dream. I then used what I remembered to get past that part.
That's a mild one. I also dreamed of things like my father's and grandmother's diagnosis of cancer, as well as their death. And then it happened. I sort of KNEW my dad had cancer, and when he told us I... wasn't surprised. I also dreamed of a dark man attacking me and... doing things. Then that happened. I don't know what it is, and it scares me.
Also, when I meditate, I sometimes feel this presence. Not a bad one, just like someone is there with me. I feel an odd sense, almost like what I think love would be like. It keeps me peaceful. And sometiems when I dream, I dream of a man. He has long hair. Sometimes it is black, other times it is gold; usually in a braid. His eyes are a bright, bright silver. And his skin is pale. I get the same feeling I do when I'm meditating sometimes when I see this man when I dream. And when I do, it's just the two of use sitting together in a field of white flowers, talking. Always the same place. Oddly enough, he is always wearing old Japanese clothing; hakamas, furisodes, kosodes, etc. And my hair is floor-length, white, and I wear a plain white dress. In reality, my hair is shoulder-length and a lightish brown. This dream has been coming a lot for years now, usually once or twice a month. I remember it very well because it's one of the few dreams I can remember entirely. It's just so unbelivably VIVID for a dream... Then there is the first few seconds after I wake up. I can SWEAR someone laying with me, but when I wake up fully and turn around, there's no one.
And then, when I'm alone and I don't feel that presence, I feel another. This one isn't so good. I feel scared sometimes, especially when the lights are out. It's gotten worse, and sometimes it's hard to sleep. I feel like this one follows me, too. I've taken a tendency to never let myself be alone or, if so, never have it quiet to. Because it's then that I mostly feel it. When I am changing, even in my bathroom or my own room, I feel like something is almost leering at me. And all this gets worse when I'm around mirrors. Conincidentally, my bathroom is covered in them. I feel like I'm suffocating in it sometimes. And whenever I feel this presence, I seem to think things I shouldn't a lot more. It feels like another voice is in my head. Like something it trying to force me to do things I don't want to. I won't say what it tells me to do unless someone asks, though. But when the other presence, the good one, returns, the other one is gone. This one hasn't come to me in a dream or anything, but sometimes when I'm laying down to go to sleep after turning off the lights, I almost think I can see someone past the curtains of my bed.
Am I just being paranoid or crazy or something?