RubyRose
February 3rd, 2009, 07:58 AM
Alright. So the bare bones of this is simply that hubby and I separated on November 26th 2008.
A lot had been going on in the previous few months leading up to our separation. My mother dying and the reactions of those around me, to the way in which I chose to grieve didn't help. I put the life of my unborn baby first at the time of my mother's grieve and to an extent just moved on, and when he was born, my world came crashing down and reality set in. There's no other way to explain it, other than that.
I was depressed, tired and angry. Not at anyone in particular but I took it out on the wrong people. My husband mostly. Of course he didn't appreciate that, and my in law's didn't like the treatment I was giving their son. But nobody understood my need to just grieve. To just be completely selfish and want time to myself, time to do whatever and time to just sleep. Not the greatest way to fix oneself I know. But instead of pitching in and just letting me be for a few weeks. Hubby and my inlaw's decided that they'd best try and diagnose the problem.
By early November I'd started counselling and been placed on anti depressants. Almost put into a mental clinic as a way to fix me. But nothing was moving fast enough for hubby or my mother in law. I tried, but I didn't know enough, and I certainly didn't want to go back to the past year of ignoring the problems.
So when hubby took off to his mother's with our eldest two, I took off with our youngest to my dad's. Packed a bag for the two of us, and a few supplies and ran essentially.
One and a half weeks later, I was in court seeking legal proceedings to get all three of our kids in my custody. I won, but the victory was short lived. I've spent from December 7th trying to make hubby and my in law's see why I did what I did with going to court. It hasn't worked. Until February 1st when hubby seems to have done an about face over night. His entire attitude has changed towards me. I'm greatful that he says that we're "okay" and that he's not going to ruin things between us, but I'm incredibly wary of him. I trust him but I don't.
You see we have a meeting with a court family guidance counsellor this Friday and I'm scared there's something in the works. He's hinted as much as that when he's been angry of late, but it could all just be talk. He's not easy to read.
My ideal goal has always been for us to reconsile and get back to being a couple and the parents of three young kids ... together. I know many of you may wonder why, those of you who know me, and my time here, will most likely know of the history my husband and I share. It's difficult at times to say the least. Things have happened in the last two years, that I still stuggle with at times. But we'll have spent 9 years together as of the 18th February and while there has been bad times I feel that while perhaps this break may be the best thing we've done. (yes, I've only come to this realisation late in the game - originally I never wanted such a thing) I don't want us to separate perminently unless we truly can't make it work.
The main thing I worry about is, my mother in law, and her involvement in our relationship. I worry what kind of impact she'll have if we wind up back together, living in our own place with the kids. I worry also, that she has been a driving force when it comes to hubby's access times with the kids.
We've only been married for 2 and a half years out of the 9 we've been together. At 25, with 3 kids under three, I have to remain optimistic and hopeful, because at present its just too hard on the kids.
I feel a little like I'm trapped. Being iron deficient and only just been placed on iron suppliments these last 12 weeks have been hell-ish for me and I haven't coped as well as I could have. I've been worn out constantly, but have had to get up to my kids, all the while knowing that my husband doesn't have a care in the world, hurts.
I only hope that there are no surprises waiting for me on Friday, and hubby really is genuine in his change of attitude. I hope that something also comes up by way of a job for hubby, or else all my plans for us if we are to get back together will be put on hold. We can't get a place to rent, or even look at buying something for ourselves without a decent income.
I feel like I've come full circle, and not in a good way. I never wanted to be living back in my parents house, under these kind of circumstances.
A lot had been going on in the previous few months leading up to our separation. My mother dying and the reactions of those around me, to the way in which I chose to grieve didn't help. I put the life of my unborn baby first at the time of my mother's grieve and to an extent just moved on, and when he was born, my world came crashing down and reality set in. There's no other way to explain it, other than that.
I was depressed, tired and angry. Not at anyone in particular but I took it out on the wrong people. My husband mostly. Of course he didn't appreciate that, and my in law's didn't like the treatment I was giving their son. But nobody understood my need to just grieve. To just be completely selfish and want time to myself, time to do whatever and time to just sleep. Not the greatest way to fix oneself I know. But instead of pitching in and just letting me be for a few weeks. Hubby and my inlaw's decided that they'd best try and diagnose the problem.
By early November I'd started counselling and been placed on anti depressants. Almost put into a mental clinic as a way to fix me. But nothing was moving fast enough for hubby or my mother in law. I tried, but I didn't know enough, and I certainly didn't want to go back to the past year of ignoring the problems.
So when hubby took off to his mother's with our eldest two, I took off with our youngest to my dad's. Packed a bag for the two of us, and a few supplies and ran essentially.
One and a half weeks later, I was in court seeking legal proceedings to get all three of our kids in my custody. I won, but the victory was short lived. I've spent from December 7th trying to make hubby and my in law's see why I did what I did with going to court. It hasn't worked. Until February 1st when hubby seems to have done an about face over night. His entire attitude has changed towards me. I'm greatful that he says that we're "okay" and that he's not going to ruin things between us, but I'm incredibly wary of him. I trust him but I don't.
You see we have a meeting with a court family guidance counsellor this Friday and I'm scared there's something in the works. He's hinted as much as that when he's been angry of late, but it could all just be talk. He's not easy to read.
My ideal goal has always been for us to reconsile and get back to being a couple and the parents of three young kids ... together. I know many of you may wonder why, those of you who know me, and my time here, will most likely know of the history my husband and I share. It's difficult at times to say the least. Things have happened in the last two years, that I still stuggle with at times. But we'll have spent 9 years together as of the 18th February and while there has been bad times I feel that while perhaps this break may be the best thing we've done. (yes, I've only come to this realisation late in the game - originally I never wanted such a thing) I don't want us to separate perminently unless we truly can't make it work.
The main thing I worry about is, my mother in law, and her involvement in our relationship. I worry what kind of impact she'll have if we wind up back together, living in our own place with the kids. I worry also, that she has been a driving force when it comes to hubby's access times with the kids.
We've only been married for 2 and a half years out of the 9 we've been together. At 25, with 3 kids under three, I have to remain optimistic and hopeful, because at present its just too hard on the kids.
I feel a little like I'm trapped. Being iron deficient and only just been placed on iron suppliments these last 12 weeks have been hell-ish for me and I haven't coped as well as I could have. I've been worn out constantly, but have had to get up to my kids, all the while knowing that my husband doesn't have a care in the world, hurts.
I only hope that there are no surprises waiting for me on Friday, and hubby really is genuine in his change of attitude. I hope that something also comes up by way of a job for hubby, or else all my plans for us if we are to get back together will be put on hold. We can't get a place to rent, or even look at buying something for ourselves without a decent income.
I feel like I've come full circle, and not in a good way. I never wanted to be living back in my parents house, under these kind of circumstances.