The Amythest Room

[AmbivalentMirage]

*walks into his closet, covered in black with amethysts hanging from the ceiling*

*kneels at the altar and lights a white candle*

Dear HaShem,

I don't know what to say. Sorry, maybe? I've been mad at you with no right...it was senseless of me. I suppose you already know all of this, but...hey..
I ask that you would be with Mél and Matt. They are new together, and if it is meant to be...I must accept that. They seem happy together, and that's what I want...her happiness.
I don't know what else to say. I feel very confused...I can only hope you know what I can't seem to articulate.

*lights lavendar incense and sits quietly, raising energy and grounding it into the candle as it burns down*

[AmbivalentMirage]

*walks back into the room and looks at the already lit candles, lights some sage incense*

Baruch Atah Elohenu,

I have so much to thank you for today, and so little time. First of all, thank you for your help with the whatever it was. I'm naive when it comes to spiritual cleaning...but you keep me safe. Thank you for helping me to be more calm today and blessing me with a good dentist. *smiles with his teeth aglow* I ask that you would be with Nicholas right now during this trying time and be with his family too. I'm glad my readings for Laura and Bran came out accurate...I'd really love to have more control and power over my insights...but I guess that comes with time. Anyhow, thanx again. Je t'aime.

*raises energy and grounds it into the candles, as before*

[AmbivalentMirage]

*walks into the room quietly, with little expression on his face, and closes the door behind him*

*sets seven white candles, a green candle, and a red candle, then some lavendar incense*

*sighs slightly and walks up to the altar, picking up an athame and vial of oil*

*dips the athame point into the oil and caves an ayin, zayin, and vav on each candle, then lights them with the incense*

*stands back and quietly raises energy, then holds his hands forward and releases it into the candles*

*recites his prayer-spell....

May this rhyme I now speak,
Bring with goodness and light.
Truth to my soul in full effect,
Now comes to me this night.
I call on you, O growing moon,
Send me wisdom of the ages.
I call on you, O earth below me,
Raise me with the sages.
May the questions in my heart,
Be answered true in my dreams.
Breaking the cycle in my life,
Of repetitive dark themes.
I bind these words into power,
I ask you to grant this plea.
YHVH, my teacher in all,
This night, set my heart free.

*tearfully takes two pictures out of his pocket and lays them on the altar next to the candles and leaves the room silently*

[AmbivalentMirage]

*walks into the room with a pensive expression on his face*

Baruch atah Adonai Elohenu Malekh HaOlam asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu ladlik neir shel erev...

*kneels at the altar and lights a green and white candle*

Toda raba for today, Adonai. I am truly grateful to be alive and well. Toda raba for rayah. She's a blessing to my life, and I might not understand how she fits in...but I'm just glad she does. Toda raba for helping me through today without losing my temper. Toda raba for your protection and divine surroundings. Toda raba for my new aleph-bet cards which are already bringing me joy. Toda raba for just being You.

*lights another white candle and touches the hand symbols*

HaShem, please continue to be with baby Nicholas as he fights for his life and thank you for giving him the time he has enjoyed with his family. I ask also that you would be with me as I go to see my doctors in the next few weeks...I pray they find the cause for my complications and find a quick solution. I ask you to bring into my life more of Your divine lights and emanations so I can be closer to You. Please continue to guide me down my new path and help me to understand where my place is in this colossal puzzle we call society. Je t'aimerai toujours...

*takes the ashes from yesterdays incense and spreads them around a red candle and lights it*

Please bring me love and show me how to love better that my soul may become love...

[AmbivalentMirage]

*lights a black protection candle*

Please oh please let things go well tonight at bubby's house. Please grant my family peace and above all, more love. Please be with the Stover and Swinehart families...and help me to make sense of my heart. Je t'aime et merci pour aujourd'hui.

*lights some ocean incense and leaves the room, mildly happy*

[AmbivalentMirage]

Dieu,

Je ne sais pas que dire...mais je suis TROP heureux! Chose avec ma famille et amis devenit mieux. Pourquoi? Parce de TOI! Je vrai c'pense m'amitié avec ------- s'améliore. S'il vous plaît aidez-moi demain à ma classe de voix. J'veux chanterai très bien...et je ne sais pas parce je n'ai pas practicé pour longtemps et...meh.. je garderai mon éspoir. Je t'aime et merci...merci toujours. Sans toi, je suis rien.

*allume une bougie d'rouge d'amour*

[AmbivalentMirage]

Adonai of my world,

Blessed are You who rules over this world and is always with me. Blessed are You who holds my pieces together in a world that is falling apart.

Please be with me this night and bring me dreams that will speak of my future. Please dry my tears and heal my wounded soul. I just want to be rid of this jealousy and to feel set free. I am lost and confused...I really need You right now. Je t'aime...toujours...j'y sais...

*lights a white candle and walks to bed*

[AmbivalentMirage]

This is not an easy day :'(.

HaShem, I do not understand. What is going on? WHY WHY WHY? Everytime I think I've made progress with this situation, something goes wrong. I hope that my letter will correct this...but... *sigh*

Please keep me together tomorrow. I don't want to spend extra time in that pit of darkness, but I need to. Help me to say and do the right things to keep all my friends happy. I love them, but they're SO high-maintenance. Please dry my tears tonight and let me sleep. I need sleep. I miss sleep. I'm not sure if I remember what sleep is.

Anyhow...je t'aime. Even in the midst of all this, je t'aime. T'es mon Dieu, et je suis l'enfant de Toi.

*lights a green candle for healing, a while candle for peace, a red candle for motiviating energies, and a purple candle for foresight and wisdom*

*cries a few tears on the altar and walks out*