Okay so here it is

[Storm]

By now you all are sick of me but I am losing my sanity.

I am married. But I do not love him. He was not around for a long time but it was okay. I was a loner and happy to be alone and still have someone to have the nookie with. Had the kids and happy to take care of them by myself and still have the nookie. But then he was gone everynight for a summer and I fell for someone....not filling a void and I don't care what anyone says...But thats another story and I wont go into it. Anyway in April I told him it was over. Well he asked for another chance and because I don't know how to say no I agreed. Six months later he has completely turned around. He helps with kids, he goes on walks with us, he never, ever ever, goes out anymore. Yet I feel nothing more than buddy with him. I do not love him and the nookie well, I just can't bear it. It is like being with my brother. I knew when we got married, I knew we were great buddies but that maybe we were fooling ourselves. I cannot believe I have wasted seven years because it has brought me our kids and closer to something....important....but the kids is our problem. I feel I need to get out. NEED to but I can't bear telling him I have been pretending all along and I believe he knows but he is hanging on to me anyway. I look at my kids sleeping in bed and wonder what right do I have to rip their security out from under them. I need to stay for them..but do I want to be a martyr. There are days when I feel like screaming if I have to spend one more day here. And that is insulting to him because he is not that bad but pretending it is something it is not is like lying and lying is like a cat walking with its hairs combed the wrong way. Possible but it feels so WRONG. I don't know how to go. He will hate me and I will have to face the hurt everytime we have to see eachother and we will because of the kids. I feel like an evil B*tch for not loving him but you can't make someone love you. And no matter how great he has become is it just isn't coming back. And no I don't have a thing for schlepps. It was gone before he turned good and he was good before we got married so I didn't marry a schlepp. I resently had a wild dream where he told me he was not the one for me. It was very real and I almost became lucid. He said everything will work out and then I woke up. I wish I could believe that it would be okay. I don't see how.

[Phoenix Blue]

Let him go now, while he still has a chance to find a meaningful relationship with a woman who actually loves him.

[Bird Speed]

It isn't fair on any of you to stay if there isn't something there. It would be better to go now than to wait till even friendship is ruined between you.

[Athena-Nadine]

What Phoenix and Bird said.

Also, while it is admirable that you worry so about your children's happiness, this I can tell you. Children are not stupid. Staying together just for them is not always the best thing to do for them. My parents fought and hurt each other so much when I was growing up, I used to wish they would get divorced.

Maybe you don't fight in front of your children but, like I said, they aren't stupid. Children know when there is no love between their parents, believe me. Would you rather your children have two happy, separate parents, or two miserable, together parents?

I was in a similar situation last year (without the children). I spent 11 years with a man I hadn't loved for a long time, all because I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. I was so sure he would hate me forever for walking out on him. And when I finally left, I almost turned around and changed my mind because of the hurt in his face. But I didn't. And now, almost a year later, he's still one of my best friends. Yes, he was hurt--badly. And yes, he was extremely angry for a while. But pain and anger fade, and now we can both move on and be happy without guilt.

To leave will be one of the hardest things you have ever had to do in your life, and it will hurt you at least as much as it will hurt him, if not more (you'll have your own pain, plus the pain from hurting him, but he'll only have his pain). But once you both get through it, you'll both be able to see it's for the best.

It's not fair for you to keep this charade of a relationship going. Not to you, and especially not to him. You deserve to be able to love whomever you love without guilt or reservations, and he deserves to be able to find someone he can love who will love him in return.

[Storm]

Thank you all. Pheonix...You have been hard on me in the past..and I thank you for it. I am a hard head and need a kicking every now and then. Anyway, I shall have to pray for courage. My sister-in-law is getting married Sept. and I am in the wedding party. This may end her marriage plans completely as she told us we are her inspiration. I am so scared. I don't know where to go or what to do.

[Athena-Nadine]

Storm, you cannot be responsible for other people's actions. I doubt very much that your marriage ending would prevent your sister-in-law from getting married. And if it does, then they shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

You need to do what's best for you, not what you think would distress the least amount of people. You'll never be happy living for everyone else. Trust me, I know this all too well.

[Athena-Nadine]

Oh, and Storm...Phoenix was hard on me too when I was debating whether to leave my ex or not. :D

[SerenityMoon]

great advice given here, and i agree. and children are not stupid, they will know. good luck and blessings to you and the man you're with.

[Psyche Ague]

Speaking as a child whose parents were in that same situation...let him go. I watched my mom fall quietly out of love with my father years ago. She knew that marrying him was probably a mistake at the time she married him, but didn't know what to do about it. 25 years later, she finally gathered the courage to leave him. I was 16 at the time so I could understand my mother's as well as my father's points of view. But I still believe she made the right decision in leaving. My father was incredibly hurt and I think he still loved my mother, but it was what was best for all of us. What kind of example would her misery have been setting for me? I would rather have her happy than "stay together for me." In the end, it was best. It was just hard at first.

Good luck and many blessings!

[Rose Sunny Rionach]

Try talking to your kids. They deserve to know exactly whats going on with you two. Besides, your decision could play a major role in their life. Talk to them and find out their feelings for the whole ordeal and then decide what you think is best for EVERYONE.