Having a really rough time...

[Jesyka_Silverwolf]

I'm not really sure where to start...I had my daughter almost 6 months ago and or the last two months (almost three) my aunt has been raising her full-time.

I have a disease called Endometriosis, which can only be completely cured with a hysterectomy. In short the disease causes me to become infertile and makes it extremely harder to get pregnant. And then if i do manage to get pregnant theres a high risk of miscarriage, ectopic pregnany, and premature birth.

I've miscarried twice the last two months and i'm pretty sure i'm pregnant again. Unfortunately it's too soon to tell.

My fiancee and i have talked about having children and recently he has told me that he doesnt want a child yet. That he isn't ready.

Do i tell him that i might be pregnant? Or do i just wait until a later date I.E.: when i start showing?

Also with the fact that my Aunt is raising my daughter, Being a single mother at the time i wasnt able to handle a child, My entire family has been giving me grief over that and I would constantly be going through issues regarding my family if they find out that ive gotten pregnant again.

Do i tell anyone about this? Should i hide it as long as possible?

I'm having a really rough time with this.....I dont know what i'm suposed to do.....

[Sollie]

-big hug!-

I understand that it's tough, but I wouldn't recommend hiding it for too much longer. The faster you tell everyone, the faster they'll be forced to get over it.

However, if you don't think that they will get over it, then I think you might want to only tell a few people who can help you out and can handle it.

I know this is hard for you, so feel free to pm me if you need anything.

-hug-

[Jesyka_Silverwolf]

:) Thanks. I guess mostly i'm afraid of how my Fiancee will react. I was engaged to my daughters father when i got pregnant with her (and he wanted her) and then wheen i was 3 months along he bailed. Hasnt spoken to me since and hasnt acknowledged her exsistence.

I guess im afraid of my current reacting in a similar fashion as he has already stated that he doesnt want kids yet...

[Willow Rosette]

First of all call your Dr and find out if you are pregnant. If you are the sooner you find out the sooner you can make decisions. If your not you can take steps to keep an unplanned pregnancy from happening.

If you are.....hiding it will do you no good. Tell the people that need to know. Say something like this is whats going on, I know you might not agree but realistically I need (state what that is) from you. For example accepting your decisions or stepping up and being a father or whatever it may be that you need from those around you.

I hate to sound harsh but having a baby when your not ready because you might not be able to is not a good reason. If your not please take precautions.

I think It takes a lot of courage to say what you have said and admitting the situation is not the best is very brave. If you want to have a baby and be a Mommy then be one to the one you already have. Dont start over simply because.

[ShadowcatX]

If you've been pregnant 3 times in 2 months, and have been diagnosed with a disease that "makes it extremely hard to get pregnant" I think I'd go looking for another diagnosis before I did anything.

[amazonkls]

Endometriosis is rough. It hurts like the dickens. You are so lucky to have had a child before you contracted it.

I know that you are afraid of what might happen, because the worst happened the first time around. But by reacting to the former situation really isn't being fair to your fiance. In your mind you are equating him with your ex. Is he that shallow? If that's the case, then perhaps you need to rethink the relationship.

I respectfully ask two questions that I want you to seriously consider:

1. If you cannot tell your fiance that you may be pregnant, do you think you can maintain the level of honesty necessary to have a successful marraige?

2. If your Aunt is raising your daughter, and you may be pregnant now, can you explain to your daughter how you can take care of the new baby but you can't take care of her? Nevermind what anyone else thinks. If you can explain it to her, then it doesn't matter about anyone else. If you can't explain it to her, then perhaps you need to rethink the pregnancy.

Here's to sending positive thoughts about the best possible outcome for you, for your daughter, for your fiance, and for your (unconfirmed) unborn child.

[Jesyka_Silverwolf]

Thank you so much everyone. :)

Oh yes it definately does hurt. And actually i'd gotten pregnant with my daughter after i'd been diagnosed with it. (in fact, that is one of the reasons why i got pregnant in the first place) My fiancee is about twice as fertile as most men...most likely why ive been able to get pregnant as i have been.

My mother had endometriosis as well and she had it so bad that she had to have a complete hystorectomy whereas most ppl with it only have to have a partial or in some cases it can be burned out....I have it worse than she did...Yippee for me! :)

When i first chose to let my aunt raise my daughter i'd discussed with my mom how i would explain to my daughter how if i had another child i was unable to raise her and i could raise a new baby. So i know i can do that. :) Plus i may start getting her back :)

Thanks for all the support, and when the time comes, I will tell my fiancee...I think you're right in me equating him with my ex in that respect. I guess its just the fear of it happening all over again. But i know he's better than that, He already practically raises his brothers' children. :)

[Glowy]

Is your finacee aware that you are a mother.. regardless if your aunt is taking care of her these last few months? Unless you are prepared to waive all parental rights to her.. you are still legally her mother as well as biologicly.

Maybe you should start with some type of BC if your finacee is not ready for children.

I am sorry for your condition, I hope you are feeling better soon. Perhaps you should have your DR. check you for some PPD. A baby, a few miscarriages and a diagnosis like that as well as losing a finacee and forming a new relationship can be extremely taxing on a woman.

blessings

[Jesyka_Silverwolf]

Yes he knows. :) And he loves her to death.

[Calli]

I just joined here, and I know we don't know each other yet, but I wanted to add my support. You are in a really tough situation, hon. You've gotten lots of good advice here, and I would only add, listen to your heart. Our hearts always know what's best, if we can quiet ourselves enough to listen. You are so overwhelmed with "what ifs" and "what about this?" Try to find your calm, quiet center - deep breathing, meditation, bubble bath, whatever works for you. Then you may see what you need to do. Of course, it is very easy to give this advice, and much harder to take it myself. :smile:

[Jesyka_Silverwolf]

Thank you Calli. :) I believe everything will be fine with me and my current. I now know for a fact, after certain happenings tonight, that he will never, NEVER come close to comparing to my ex.....i will post details in a separate thread shortly.

Blessings~ Jes

[Denikke]

I don't want to come across as a total cow here, but I probably will anyways and for that, I apologize, but I stand by what I say.

I think that having another child, even thinking of having another child when you aren't raising your first one is cruel, selfish and irresponsible.
I'm talking from the child perspective here. I've been there. My little sister was born when I was 5. Just after my 6th birthday my mom dropped me off with my grandparents, told me I'd have a better life and left. Over the next 5 years, she had 2 more kids (there's me, my sister and 2 brothers). As much as I'm grateful that I lived with my grandparents and for the life and opportunities they were able to give me, I've yet to be able to forgive my mom. Even as a little kid, I always wondered why I wasn't good enough. Why she threw me away and kept my sister.
Any idea what that's like?? How hard it is going through your childhood thinking that there's something so wrong with you that even your parents can't love you or want to be around you?? It's pretty damn traumatic and I'm still dealing with the consequences.
I can so distinctly remember thinking to myself that I was so defective that my mom decided to throw me out and try again. I remember thinking that I didn't deserve to be loved. And you know what, I was raised in a wonderful home with loving grandparents. It didn't matter. I still thought there was something wrong with me. Kids are talented like that. No matter what happens, they can twist it around so that it's their fault.

I have a 2.5 week old son. I can't even imagine giving him up. But if those circumstances arose, where it was best to give him to a better home, whether it was with family or to others, then that would be the BEST situation. And I can sure as hell tell you that I wouldn't be having another one until I had done everything in my power to have my little boy back with me.

I don't know your entire situation. I don't know the background, but even so. If you don't feel yourself capable of raising your first child, why would the next one be any different.
My opinion?? Deal with the child you already have. Raise her and love her to the best of your ability. Don't bring another one into the world if you can help it.
Think what you want of me and my opinion, I lived it and know the situation from the child's point of view. It's cruel and hurtful and it stays with you all of your life. It affects all of your relationships. Don't do that to your child.

Denikke

[Willow Rosette]

Denikke you are such a breath of fresh air! I totally agree with you but had been biting my tounge. If for whatever reason you dont want/cant handle the first child there is no way you should be having another!!