Insecurity & me.

[punkymister]

Well, a little backstory "pour-toi":

Over the past few months, I've been dating like crazy. The two guys I really had genuine feelings for hurt me badly. This has lead me to problems with trust, and overall major problems with insecurity.

I met this guy a few weeks back, and we seemed to click. We have a lot of similar interests. We had our first date just a few nights ago and things seem to be going well.

The thing is I keep telling myself that he doesn't like me, or that he's out to hurt me. He's uber nifty, and kind but the other guys were too at first and then they hurt me. He's different, age wise as he's 22 and the others were 17 (my age.)

Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome my fear of trust and insecurity?

[flar7]

to recover trust......I think you must take the time to allow it to heal
like any wound, over time. Make sure you take enough time to
recover your center or trust. It will always feel fragile when given,
but that is the nature of it. The first time trust is broken is a hard
lesson, we think of it as inviolate but discover differently. When
you think you are ready, then you have to assert yourself and
truly attempt to "trust" the other person. Does this mean you
are setting yourself up for a future heartbreak? maybe. There
are no sure things, except that if you dont try it wont happen.

Remember when having difficulties to examine yourself and make
sure its not your trust issue causing the strife. If so, you may still
need more time to recover.

[Psyche Ague]

Trust is a funny issue. It's hard for me to trust ANYONE. I've been hurt in the past, too, and once trust is lost, it's all but impossible to regain it.

But Love is hard to find. If you think you're ready to find someone to love (even for a couple months), then isn't it worth it to take a risk? If you're ready to love someone and be loved, then open yourself up. It's the only way to truly love someone. If you can't open yourself to someone, then you can never truly love them either.

If you're not ready to give yourself to another person, then you're not ready for Love quite yet. Perhaps you should give dating a break and discover other interests to keep you busy or you should keep your relationships with other people low on emotion and committment.

In the end, it's up to you. I wish the BEST of luck with your new guy. If he's worth it, then you'll know. *hugs*

Like Flar said, you won't know until you try. And to live life fully and with no regrets, you must feel everything completely. Don't hold back. But don't just let yourself be screwed over either.

Trust your instincts.

[Leviyah]

I'm not sure I'm in any position to give advice, because I was the kind of person who used to trust everyone - not only in love but in friendship etc.

In relation to not getting hurt, try not to think about it (I know, easier said then done). Get busy while you wait for him to call so that your not constantly thinking about it. Because, I've found, that thinking about some one, wondering if they're going to call only makes me doubt myself and that really defeats me and the relationship before it's had a chance.

Also, know that your a great person and if he doesn't call it's not your fault.
Blessings
Leviyah