Worried, confused, a little out of it!

[HeatherN]

I've been feeling the most guilty lately. For the past couple of weeks, I've been so busy and tired and drained that I haven't cast a circle or communed with the Goddess. Heck, I haven't been able to read any more pagan literature trying to figure out what I should and shouldn't be doing.

I'm a little disappointed with myself because paganism is the best thing I've stumbled upon in years and yet, I can't figure out why I'm not "doing it." I just wonder if my heart is not ready. I asked the Goddess and God for guidance along this path, but I have not seen/heard/felt anything, or least I've been too tired to notice.

And now all that Christian programming is coming back to me...where you feel really, really guilty and sinful is you didn't go to church on Sunday.

*sigh* Thanks for listening...I'm not really sure what the problem is! :)

[Raevyn]

Having been here for something like a year and a half, I can tell you this happens to many many people. We often get people posting that they just don't feel like "doing it", that they're taking a break, etc. Maybe mundane life is getting in the way, maybe you feel at a plateau, maybe it's just time for a breather.

You might want to take time to think about your beliefs, to sit outside in nature, to gaze at the moon, you might think about other belief systems or study other ways, or you might just let it ride right now. Maybe you will look around and find new interest in a new way such as tarot, runes, gemstones, herbs, etc. Don't worry too much, everyone has a quiet time I think.

[Ryhla]

Originally posted by HeatherN
I've been feeling the most guilty lately. For the past couple of weeks, I've been so busy and tired and drained that I haven't cast a circle or communed with the Goddess. Heck, I haven't been able to read any more pagan literature trying to figure out what I should and shouldn't be doing.

I'm a little disappointed with myself because paganism is the best thing I've stumbled upon in years and yet, I can't figure out why I'm not "doing it." I just wonder if my heart is not ready. I asked the Goddess and God for guidance along this path, but I have not seen/heard/felt anything, or least I've been too tired to notice.


And now all that Christian programming is coming back to me...where you feel really, really guilty and sinful is you didn't go to church on Sunday.

*sigh* Thanks for listening...I'm not really sure what the problem is! :) I can relate to the christian programming. Most of my mother's family are christian and even for awhile I was also walking that path. In my experience, it took me a long time for me to accept what I was doing was right for me. I'm not knocking down the christian way of life, and I don't regret walking that path before. If anything, it has added to the path I walk now.

I also know that when I first stepped onto this path, I questioned myself if it was the right one. I think at one time or another all of us has questioned our spirituality. One thing I have found with my path is the freedom to be yourself. Also there is comfort in finding a way of worship comfortable to you and knowing that there is no wrong or right in someone else's eyes. In time, it will come to you and you will know the way for you to take.

[Amber Ravenstar]

One thing I do to keep my connection with the Goddess active is say Hello to her every time I see the moon. A simple "Hello, Lady" works just fine. I find that I almost always end up smiling as I say it.

[Haedis]

That was happening to me too lately. Only for me it wasnt just a matter of needing to take a "breather". I needed to reexamine EVERYTHING because I realized I had gotten too comfortable and wasnt bothering to challenge my limits and beliefs anymore. Ever since I started being more open to new ideas and thinking about things that take me out of my secure little world things seemed to have brightened considerably.

If you still really enjoy learning about Pagan things you should try working on something less stressful like meditation or visualization. Something thats more religiously neutral and that doesnt involve you making any major decisions about what you believe, just yet. Soon you'll get your ambition back and pick up where you left off or maybe you'll find something new that you like even better.

[Silverlotus]

I agree with Amber Ravenstar's idea. Maybe if you tried to do something small every day it would help you feel like you are keeping your connection. As you close the blinds before you go to sleep, you could offer a simple prayer to the moon. And maybe as you leave in the morning you could do the same to the sun. Or a quiet mediation while showering before work. Taking a bit of time to feel each drop of water has it hits you is really nice.

I can definitely relate to the idea of feeling the Christian guilt at not always doing something. But I think if you live life by sticking to the Rede and other Wiccan and/or Pagan ideals, then you are doing just fine. I don't think the Lord and Lady need big rituals. Just remember them, and find your own path to worship them. :)

[Djiril]

"When one is seeking to ignite the heart, there are often many false flare-ups and flickerings. Like lighting a campfire, you may have to make many attempts before you have a steadily burning flame."
Avram Davis - The Way of Flame

In other words, don't sweat it, it's perfectly normal.
I agree with the people who say to practice in small ways. In any kind of practice, trying to do something big and time consuming too often will only drain your energy and enthusiam. As far as everyday practice goes, smaller is better.:)

[Mandii]

HI! I haven't read many responses to your message yet, because i want to get this all out before i forget:)... Ok, Over the past year that I've been practicing, I've felt similar to you many times!! I still do a bit... well, alot actually. I'd go thrhough phases where all I'd want to do is read about it, then i just wanted to practice more, and then i was just sick of it and would have rathered to sleep. But what I've recently realised is that that is ok, and it's pretty normal. Now (this is a bit off the topic, but still kind of relevant) I'm trying more intuitive work, becasue i found a great book called 'Practical Intuition' by Laura Day, and I've also just got some Tarot cards... I've basically just taken a slightly different slant, and at the moment it suits me alot more. Maybe, instead of casting the whole circle and going all out, just do simple little things and try small new things. And the fact that you aren't reading books at the moment may even be a good thing... I used to be obsessed with reading and trying to know 'everything', that I didn't even use or realise the knowledge that i already had. I also often felt that my heart just wasn't as in it as much as it had once been. ALso, you said that you felt that your heart wasn't ready... Maybe that's part of your intuition trying to tell you to look in a slightly different direction? I felt similar to that for ages (although i actually felt that my heart wasn't into it) because I was very focussed on spells and learning. Until a few months ago, I had focussed mostly on learning more about spells and was very intersted in elemental magick, even though i knew that i had no real need for them in my life at teh time... then i focussed on another aspect that i had been interested in but had brushed off as being too hard for me, which was basically just more intuitive skills... and since then I've felt much more peaceful and I've actually practiced more. you probably just need a break!! So, just follow your heart and watch for where it leads you... You are on a journey, so it's likely that your Goddess or God has a just has a special lesson for you to learn!

Anyway, I hope at least SOME of that helped... And I hope it made some sense!!

Ride life like a wave!