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Attila_the_Honey
May 18th, 2009, 09:06 AM
I felt that this would probably be the most appropriate place to put my questions.

I've always been a spiritual person and lately I've been feeling even more so and feeling closer to God. But at the same time I feel like I'm at a crossroads and I've been feeling more conflicted than I ever have before... I've identified both consciously and unconsciously as pagan for a very long time, since childhood really. I was never made to go to church as a child and I developed mainly negative views of organized religion and of Christianity in general. While I'm more mature now and no longer hold (too much) disdain for Christianity, I still have a distaste for it.

The thing is, I'm now developing this sense of conflict. I feel connected to Earth-based religions and at the same time I feel drawn to aspects of Christianity such as Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene. The issue I have is that I don't believe in Jesus Christ as Lord or Savior. I don't believe that he was crucified and then rose from the grave and ascended bodily into heaven. I barely even believe that Jesus existed as a real person at all. This conflicts so totally with my rational mind that I cannot suspend belief and believe in this aspect of Christianity... Is it possible to be something of a Christian Witch without believing in those things? Is there some kind of belief in a "christ conciousness" that represents this sense of enlightenment, peace and love that Jesus is just a representative figure of? If I don't believe in Jesus and believe him to be fictional, how can I feel connected to his "mother"?

I just have this fear of the unknown. I believe that all religions are paths to God and therefore are valid, yet I have this unreconciled fear of "what if?" in regards to the afterlife. What if I'm wrong? What if there is no afterlife at all and there's no reason to worry? This feeling of uncertainty bothers me. Sure, people can have deep faith and belief in certain concepts, but that doesn't make them real. I just feel like I need some sense of certainty spiritually and I can't find it.

I'm sorry if any of this is confusing, but I guess it reflects my state of mind. I just feel like I'm being pulled into two different directions and I don't know which one to take.

Nesta
May 18th, 2009, 09:33 AM
Ok, firstly I love your name. :thumbsup:

I don't see why you can't identify with Mary or Magdelene in their own right and separate from the concept of Jesus. I share your views concerning Jesus and yet also feel an atraction to Magdalene. I'm firmly commited to Freyja but I also feel it's natural for a strong woman to be attracted to any female figure whose qualities we appreciate or respect.

You mentioned that you sometimes think there may be no afterlife so therefore you don't need to worry? What do you mean? What are you worried about? Is this connected with a Christian concept of afterlife?

I don't really have any firm thoughts concerning afterlife in relation to my current life or path. As with everything else I just try my best to do what I feel is right so I don't worry about it. I don't feel able to say any more on that because I'm not entirely sure what you mean.

I do know that MW is a great place to ask questions about things like this. I would also say that your current concerns are a part of the natural process of your journey and while it can be really tough it is something that we need to get through. Which is exactly what you're trying to do. :) I'm going to sound like a broken old record but I'd say 'trust yourself' and take your time.

Attila_the_Honey
May 18th, 2009, 10:42 AM
Thank you for the compliment :).

My concerns regarding the afterlife I think are influenced by Judeo-Christian beliefs. If you don't believe in such-and-such then you are going to hell sort of thing. I don't believe in hell, but at the same time there's just a nagging sense in the back of my mind making me uncertain saying, "But what if you're wrong?". Ergo, the concerns on the afterlife... I would like to think that there's a place where everyone goes regardless of belief or anything else.

And I think you're right about being able to identify with characteristics and aspects of strong female deities. I think my line of thought just sort of gets me into mental trouble sometimes with lots of "if, then's" and the like. I tend to overthink things and make them more complicated than they are.

I am just trying to figure everything out so I appreciate your advice, and anyone else's as well :).

Darth Brooks
May 18th, 2009, 06:37 PM
If hell is real, and if you are going there when you die, then don't worry, because more than likely, all of your friends will be there with you. It must be awful lonely in heaven, if the televangelist notion of these "places" is correct.

If there is no afterlife, and you will cease to exist after you die, then don't worry, because it won't hurt, and you will not be able to complain. In fact, you won't even know you don't exist. Non-existence is not so terrible, because you have to exist in order to suffer.

Either way, you shouldn't worry, because the afterlife, if it exists in any form or fashion, is ultimately beyond our control anyway. Why fret about the things we cannot control? Though it could just as easily be that you will go to heaven after you die, no matter how wrong or incorrect your opinions might be. Personally, I sometimes hope to be sucked through the Big Dipper into Setheus, the kingdom of Set, and become a star or something, but in the end I accept that I have no control over what happens, and frankly I've ceased to care.

But if it will make you feel any better, I don't believe anybody gets sent to some underground furnace just for not practicing "the right religion." If there is such a furnace, I believe you would have to be a really really nasty person to get there. Somebody like Hitler, or Stalin. :p

And as for the Maries, I don't see any reason why you can't honor them without paying any particular attention to Jesus. You may benefit from researching Gnostic Christianity, many forms of which also believe that Jesus was never crucified, and was only a spirit, not a flesh-and-blood person.