Hello, and HELP! (longish.)

[greensilver]

'lo, folks -

I am in near-desperate need of suggestions for how to keep myself focused on my studies. Yes, indeed.

To acquaint you with the entirety of my problem (it's a long'un, so you might want to break out the popcorn):

I'm nineteen, raised Roman Catholic - started developing an interest in paganism right around the same time I was being confirmed in the Catholic church, ironically enough. I picked up a book or two (Rae Beth, Gerina Dunwich) and carried them absolutely everywhere with me, always intending to read them cover-to-cover, which I never quite got around to doing. I did an immense amount of 'net-surfing for pagan sites, hunted the news stands for Circle and Sage Woman magazines, started studying herbs and their properties. Life kept pulling me away, and I'd totally lose interest for months at a time, but I always came back to it. Around two years ago, just before my senior year of high school, I finally found a book that caught my interest enough to make me read it - Scott Cunningham's Guide for the Solitary Practitioner - and suddenly all the flirting with paganism I'd been doing seemed to come into focus, and come Yule I did a short, simple ritual - if you can call it that - dedicating myself to, not so much belief and practice, as just a path of learning. My intention was to get myself to finally stay on that path, instead of continually wandering off-road as I had been ... only, as you might guess, it didn't quite turn out that way. I meant well, but my book-based studies fell flat, and when Yule hit just last year, I realized with a bit of a start that I hadn't kept to my promised path at all. The past year has been ... hectic, and I haven't had as much time to pursue studies as I would've liked to (that excuse being pretty much weak, I know). I just recently moved back home for a bit, and on Oct. 31st I walked into the house to find my dad watching a "Haunted History of Halloween" special on the History channel or some such; around the thirtieth time the word "divination" was used in the special, I decided, "Well, why not?" and dragged out one of my old books to give reading tea leaves a try. I mucked things up pretty badly, to the point where any results I had (crazy though they were - a very distinct wolf covering a large part of one side of the teacup) just had to be thrown out. For the next week I had drawn-out, crazy-vivid dreams, which spooked me more than a little as I normally rarely if ever have dreams (that I remember, anyway). That whole week-long episode made me sufficiently interested/curious/just a little bit paranoid to want to pick my studies up again, only, I'm just not sure where to start. As often as I find myself right back here, wondering where to begin ... every time, I end up falling away from it after a short while, and it's driving me absolutely crazy.

So, this (finally!) brings any of you wonderful people who actually read this far to my actual question: any suggestions?!

Suggestions for ... what it is I'm doing wrong? How to better go about doing this? Any suggestions at all, really. Even if that suggestion is just "brevity." ;)

Of course, if you just want to say "hello," that would be appreciated, too ... :)

Thanks much,
greensilver

[Tammy Sullivan]

:wave: Hello! Welcome.

"Real life" does get in the way a bit doesn't it? I think that is true for all of us to a degree. I wouldn't beat myself up too much for it.

[Jenett]

A couple of suggestions that might help.

1) Don't panic. It's not at all uncommon for people to start having more vivid dreams/odd synchronicities/etc (or to notice them happening more) when they first start exploring. For most people I've talked to, they usually settle down or you get more used to them and they're not as scary (or much more rarely, you start seeing definite patterns about what's going on, which is when advice can be very helpful.)

If something really freaks you out, stop and take a deep breath or ten, and then write down what happened. Take a few minutes to analyse it (or ask other folks: like here, f'rinstance) and then move on.

2) My understanding is that tea leaves are tricky to work with. Personally, if you're interested in Divination, I'd try something solid form (tarot, runes, etc.) If Tarot interests you, there's a great (free) online resource at http://learntarot.com that talks about all the basics plus detailed information on each card.

3) Maybe take a step back, and look at what you're most interested in. Then, maybe, set aside time each week to work on that for a month or two, and focus on that.

[Ryhla]

Hello :sunny: and welcome to MW.

I've only been practicing a year. It took a year for me to even become comfortable with actually casting my first circle. I was awefully nervous about doing it right and not making a mess of things. But if one thing I have learned in this past year, take time and try not to do everything at once. I, myself, am only beginning to really set my own traditions after nearly a year. I know I still have much to learn and to find that which I am comfortable with. What may be right for one person may not be right for another. That's the beauty about choosing your own path.

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Howdy and Welcome! So glad your here!
Real life! Yep, it's out there and we all gotta learn to deal with it. And it does seem to slow us down. Sometimes it makes us come to a screaching halt.
But don't let that get you down. Just pick up where you left off. I remember when I first found my path that I couldn't learn quick enough. I wanted to know everything NOW! But, it just can't happen that way. As soon as I accepted that, things started coming easier for me. They didn't come any quicker! Just easier.

Take things at your own pace. If you read a chapter a month - that's OK. I've got a great book that my mama-in-law gave me. I was half way through it when I deciced to take up Tarot. I haven't picked up that book since I picked up the cards. Which reminds me - I haven't written in my BOS since then either - although my Tarot Journal need some new paper added to it!:D

When real life gets in your way. Don't give up. We all have responsiblities we have to tend to. My kids gotta have supper, Hubby likes to talk hunting, and of course the kids gotta play ball. The horses, cats and dogs all gotta be feed and the cattle's gotta be moved. That is all stuff I have to do and I don't won't to miss any of it! Our Creator put us here to live life. Enjoy it!

[Sovaan]

Heyla greensilver,

I can relate to what you're talking about. I've been studying on and off for twelve years. I slowly gathered books and tools over that time period, studying when the urge struck, and attempting to practicing magic when the need arose.

When I first got on this path, I thought I'd be a High Priest by now, and that I would have mastered all the arts of magic and divination. Ha ha. Not quite.

I've learned a lot over the past twelve years, but in many ways I'm still a neophyte. Sometimes I wish I had studies more diligently, but really I'm pretty happy with where I am. I think it's better to work at your own pace instead of rushing into things you're not ready for. It's not an easy path, and it takes time and commitment, but there's no need to rush. Developing a relationship with the old gods should be a joy, not a chore.

Some of us are solitaires because we want to be, others because we don't have a choice. If you live in an area where there are other pagans, then I suggest you attend classes, workshops, retreats, public events (like Pagan Pride Day), and open circles whenever you get a chance. Also try to find a discussion group or study group if you can. Many college campuses have a group for pagan students. Internet sites like this discussion board and witchvox.com are good resources, as are periodicals like Circle Sanctuary's newsletter. If you start meeting people, a teacher may emerge, or you may be invited to join a study group or the outer circle of a coven. Be patient, as it may take a while.

If you have no choice but to study on your own, or if you just don't feel ready to work with others, try to structure your studies by setting small, reasonable goals, like reading a chapter a day (or maybe even less often, depending on how busy your schedule is, like a chapter every other day). Don't try to learn it all at once. Some books are structured in a series of lessons. There are also a few websites that offer online "courses" in witchcraft.

To keep it from getting boring, try to set aside a time to actually *practice* the Craft. Ideally, pick a time when you know you can be home alone without interruption. Keep it simple and don't worry if you haven't gathered all the tools yet. (When I first started practicing, I made a big fuss over collecting all the tools I thought I was supposed to have. When I finally gathered them all, I realized I had no idea what to do with them.) Try to have all the elements represented, but it doesn't have to be fancy. Use a candle for fire, a dish of salt, rice, or grain for earth, a cup of water, and some incense. The cup doesn't have to be a fancy chalice, just use a regular cup if that's all you have. (However, you may want to set it aside and only use it for magic.)

Keep your rituals short and simple. Try casting a circle and calling the elements. Don't expect to do it perfectly the first time, or the first 100 times for that matter. Chances are you'll forget the chant halfway through, or you'll invoke water and then realize that you're facing the wrong direction. (I've done that a few times.) You may need to stop and check your book once or twice. Doing a ritual that looked great on paper may feel silly when you first try it. That's OK, it takes practice. The gods don't mind. Mostly they're just glad you're taking the time to call.

Once you've cast the circle, say an opening prayer, invocation, or blessing. Cunningham's book has some suitable examples.

Focus your attention on an object (a candle, a crystal, a tarot card, a rune or some other symbol, or an image of a god/dess), breathe deeply, and try to calm and quiet your mind. Inevitably, distracting thoughts and feelings will enter your mind, like your foot is falling asleep or your nose itches, etc. Don't get frustrated about it, just let the thought pass through you and come back to whatever you're focusing on. Keep it short for starters--no more than 20 minutes.

As you continue to practice, the basics of ritual get easier and feel less awkward. Then you can start doing more elaborate rituals.

Good luck and keep posting your questions.

--Sovaan

[st0rm]

Welcome

[Willow_Raindancer]

I remember being 19 LOL!
I did not have much time for "spiritual growth" then either.
Don't beat yourself up about it!
As far as finding the ability to focus on learning, that's easy.
Try taking your time.
Your not going to learn it all in a year and a day anyway!
You might as well slow down a bit and ENJOY the learning experience;)

By the way, I started my path at about 16.
I'm 35 now and STILL learning!
I would not want it any other way either:D