I need help...

[seeker_Ashling]

Oh, wow, where to begin. On the upside, I've posted a few times about losing a person special to me...it turns out he is here to say. The problem is I/we are either going insane or are being communicated with by the Divine. Here's the situation. I'm hearing voices. Two, to be exact. One, an agressive, raspy male voice that is muted in some way so that I cannot catch a single thing he says to me. It may be because I am more comfortable with the feminine deities and more familiar with them. The other is a softer voice, more feminine, that calls and entices me to listen. It is "her" I am the most interested in, as I believe it to be a very deceptive "him". I cannot hear him either, fortunately, as my friend thinks. His philosophy is this: The voice that makes itself clear, and makes itself known, is that which I have invited in, and wish to be with at all times. It means that a deity is communicating without the implications of deceipt, I associate the clarity with honesty and with belonging. These two voices originate from separate parts of my consciousness, both which have been ailing me. One, the more aggressive voice, seems to originate from the back of my head, where my neck and head meet. I often get lightheaded and dizzy. The other, the feminine-sounding voice, lulls me with waves of his presence from my stomach. When I close my eyes, I can feel it their. When my friend is with me, we often discuss how he is present at the time, how he makes us feel, what we can or cannot hear. I have been in and out of the doctors and hospital for tests. I've been throwing up blood, old and fresh, sporatically for approx. 3 months now, and where a month ago I could physically tell nothing, I now have a physical lump in the right upper side of my stomach that is only sometimes there (possibly a knot in the muscles, I do not want to make it more than it plausibly is). Anyhow, the doctors have run tests (from testing my stomach for blood RIGHT AFTER I threw it up to making me drink nasty stuff and monitoring my gall bladder...next is putting me under to stick a camera down my throat). They've found NOTHING to indicate any irregularities. I've brought in a sample, and they have confirmed I am and still cannot say why. Not an ulcer, have been tested for them. So anyway, to wrap this up, my friend believes this being can possibly be good for me if I learn to open up to him (perhaps he is just being insistant), or believes that he can be harm to me. I don't know. I am unfamiliar with all of this. I know this being is in me and as he doesn't seem a God (to either of us) I don't think he should be there. I was told he is the "God" (for lack of better known terms) of deception, misdirection, and things along those lines. He won't give me a name, because he wants to banish him from the both of us (he thinks that the more I know, the more power I will give this voice over me just by believing it is capable of so much). I can see the sense in that but...well.....I have this burning desire to know what is going on so I can make it stop. Can you help? My apologies for such a long post. Thanks for your time.
Kaliana
FirePiskey

[seeker_Ashling]

I guess this means you all think I'm crazy? LOL

*Looks for Looney Bin in Yellow Pages*

Thanks anyway, I'll figure something out.

Kali

[Storm]

I can't help ya but give it some time. You'll get a response. Sometimes takes a while.
MM and BB
Storm

[seeker_Ashling]

I appreciate you taking the time to acknowledge me and let me know to know to keep checking back. Very kind of you, I will make sure to keep an eye on the post. In the meantime, perhaps they'll just leave me be. Thanks again.
My Warmest Wishes~
Kali

Edited to add: You know, it is funny that you should be the one to reply. Seeing your signature made my friend and I decide to watch Legend the other night, only my second time seeing it. Thanks:D

[Mnemosyne]

You mentioned in your post that you have had some sadness in your life because you have lost someone special to you. Do you think that this emotion has been the reason for your voices? I ask because you questioned if it was the act of the divine or your imagination. Ask yourself what is the god or goddess to you? Do you have a patron deity with whom you work? Perhaps you are having these contradictory voices, since you seek balance in your life. These voices seem to balance each other off. After all, one is more masculine like while the other is feminine.

Hopefully, my questions will get you thinking about the deities. My gut feeling though is that this is not a communication with the deity. You've been ill lately; maybe you are looking for some spirituality to give you some direction. Since you sound confused by all of this, I would recommend some peace. Try meditating and thinking serene thoughts. :)

[Armitage]

Something deep in your subconscious may be trying to get your attention. The guttural voice, the area of your mind it seems to come from...All may speak of something very primal in nature. The Shadow, the Id, whatever you want to call it.
I hope this helps, I'm not sure what to suggest doing about it though.

[Tammy Sullivan]

I'm not going to say that there is not a clinical reason, because I don't know. I can however tell you of my experience. Spirit speaks to me in a gutteral voice, I've read this is normal for some. I have woke up from sleep before because it yelled my name in my ear. The ear that was resting on the pillow. Am I insane? No. There is a thing called clairaudience that you may want to research. It may truely be a gift that you can develop. Let us know how this progresses, and good luck, I hope you end up with a very strong talent.

[seeker_Ashling]

First of all, a correction to be made: I did not lose a friend, although he did almost decide to cut ties with me because the person he had hoped and thought was his best friend is my boyfriend, who proved himself unable to handle intimacy of friendships and relationships in many ways. Or unable to appreciate. The relationship between my boyfriend and I is stronger, due to the realizations that he has come to through this loss. My friend and I are maintaining our friendship, and allowing it to grow naturally. So, it is not sadness I don't believe, as I am extatic over the fact that.......I'm not losing the person who's turned out to be my best friend, spiritual brother, teacher, student, and many other things. However, the suggestions that I've seen in your responses all lead to the same thing: look to myself, listen to myself, as chances are, it is within me. Thank you all for such good advice, as I will take it into both careful consideration and practice. If anybody comes up with anything new, please let me know. By the way, I have read some, but have limited knowledge of, clairaudience. I hadn't made the connection, as I've had few psychic experiences, and consider my natural psychic talents if not dormant, than weak. I will work to educate myself on the subject, and related subject, and begin to strengthen them (perhaps that will help me to hear what they have to say to me). One more thing: Thanks for the assurance that this isn't enough to consider myself insane. You've got no idea how much it's appreciated. Best wishes.
Kali