What would you say if you were coming out?

[Yvonne Belisle]

I have been doing a lot of thinking since I read the newspaper article posted in Just Talk. I was thinking that it would be a good idea if our younger members were to think about what they would say to thier parents if they were going to come out. I AM NOT saying come out! I mean that they should think about what thier parents would want to know and how they would answer the questions that would come up. It may help you focus on what you want in life. I know that we each have our own reasons for the path that we are on and I'm not asking for people to share it simply be able to put it into words to themselves. It may also let people of all ages focus on what questions we have. I stress the younger members because they have people in thier lives that may someday want answers. Family that may feel that they (the family members) have in some way failed them. I hope that if someone has thought out what they would say that they would be able to smooth the gap to understanding. It's just something I really think we should all think about from time to time. For the people that are out I say congradulations I'm not sure I'll get there but I will at least have my thoughts in place. For those of us that aren't out what can it hurt to sit and think about it? It would kind of be a personal reaffirmation of why we chose this road to walk down. Thoughts? Ideas?

[Celtic_Angel]

Yvonne,

I could use Pooh Bear's thinking cap on this one. The reason I have a lot of views that others Christians may not agree with is mostly because of being raised by my Catholic dad. My mom doesn't know what she is I think. She knows what I believe though and has always been full of questions. So, I guess I have nothing to contribute on that aspect. It is a good suggestion though Yvonne. Perhaps writing down what you would intend to tell your family would help people to reaffirm their path with themselves. This is the perfect place to do something like that if you want to be able to discuss your choices with other people too. Thanks.

[bluecat]

I'll have to roll that one around a bit.

Blue

[Yvonne Belisle]

Didn't intend to open a can of worms just to make people think and focus. I need to do it too.

[bluecat]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
Didn't intend to open a can of worms just to make people think and focus. I need to do it too.

It's a GOOD CAN OF WORMS ;).

Blue

[Yvonne Belisle]

you mean it isn't the one you were saving for fishing?

[bluecat]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
you mean it isn't the one you were saving for fishing?

I AIN'T EVEN GOIN' THERE! :D

ROFL!!!!!!!!

Blue

[Mairwen]

Well, I've never, ever really been "in" ....

[Naillosotarrain]

Interesting, very interesting......

[tempest69]

*hollers from inside jammed closet* Sorry. I can't come out to help. I'm stuck myself!:bigredgri

[Yvonne Belisle]

That's one door I can't help too much on. :eek: I'd say just think everything out before you say a word if you decide to do it. Me I'll just sit in my corner while my mother is here today and seem like a good girl so I don't get questioned. Mine will want to know if the kids are going to be Jewish or Christian or a blend of the two. In her eyes that's the options she wouldn't even begin to conceive of others so I'm not pointing them out.:D

[tempest69]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
I'd say just think everything out before you say a word if you decide to do it. Me I'll just sit in my corner while my mother is here today and seem like a good girl so I don't get questioned. Mine will want to know if the kids are going to be Jewish or Christian or a blend of the two. In her eyes that's the options she wouldn't even begin to conceive of others so I'm not pointing them out.:D

I think I'll do the same. I may find myself in the doghouse if I'm not careful!

[Yvonne Belisle]

It's not always an easy choice no matter how old or how young you are. The options do change though.

[tempest69]

At least we can do it together! Mabey we can really come out unscathed!

[Yvonne Belisle]

Something wierd just happened to my computer. Sorry folks. It was supposed to read :D I'm going to try to delete the other.

[dragondancer]

I don't know, when I started to study wicca when I was in high school just because I wanted to learn about it and I was fascinated by it, my father used to get really angry when I left my books lying around because he thought it was embarrassing. What would people think?? I think he was more worried what ignorant people would think rather than what was right for me. He has come to an acceptance of it and I've even gotten him into Tarot Cards, he's pretty good. I guess being raised Buddhist, we didn't have as many hang ups as anyone who is raised say Christian or Catholic!!

[Yvonne Belisle]

Bump:D in light of another thread I thought this might come in handy.

[Eveningthief]

I think the situation is different for each person.

I was raised in the Lutheran faith, never missed a church session, cook outs, bible studies...the works. Although, my family had a feeling that this wasn't for me while growing up. I wasn't satisfied with the answers I was given to certain questions I had growing up. Although, out of respect twords my family, I continued to attend church until I left for college. That is when I started my search in finding out who I was. Bringing me to where I am today.

I hid my decision for a couple of years from my parents, due to not knowing how they would react to the path I have chosen for myself. One time, they came to visit me and stayed for a week. My mother came accross my books and started reading some of them. When she came to understand a bit more about wicca and how much more at peace I am; to my shock she seemed pleased. For both my father and mother mentioned whatever makes me happy, they are behind me.

[Shy Hawk]

I don't know what I would say. My parents would rather that I keep it a secret. They know, don't accept, but also realize that they can't change me. I try to talk to them civily...but...they don't see it. It doesn't help that I'm a female (in my family being a woman does not give you too much stock) as well as a bisexual (just another issue that freaks them out...that we don't talk about).
So....we have a lot of secrecy going on. Not my fault. I told them upfront and frank what I am in all respects.
They got pissed off, and then ignored it/me. I think they feel like it was a phase and that I'm out of it now. In reality, I just don't talk to them anymore. It's sad really.
But, as long as they think I'm "normal" they like me. Otherwise they shun me, what's a girl to do? (half smile) One can't let it get them down. I'm happy to be alive, and celebrate in the party that is life. I've be blessed by the Lord and Lady, at least I think so. That's all that matters.....
Whoops I rambled on and on! Sorry,
Shy Hawk

[Methanespirit]

I think Yvonne has the right idea concerning this question. Many parents, including mine, were totally unaware of what I wanted to do in life. and besides, after leaving home, I didn't either! However, most people will live a more stable life than mine, therefore, do what is necessary in keeping things to yourself. Be diplomatic about your beliefs and desires in life. Come out when you think it proper. This opportunity will usually present itself of its own accord, without anyone attempting to force the issue. I have generally found that when one is interrogated about their beliefs and faith, that sometimes it is best to kindly throw the questions back on the perpetrators in the form of new questions concerning their curiosity. This will usually make them back off and think about their approach. But to remain safe, do not go on the defensive because when they percieve that you are attempting to cover yoursef, that they will also believe that they have found something that you are trying to hide. Just remain confident as best you can. Educate yourself about your path, and be able to give intelligent answers when intelligent questions are asked, in an intelligent atmosphere.

[Tigerwallah]

You've got to do it your own way, keeping your parents, friends, family members usual reactions in mind. I don't think I ever said, "Hey, mom, dad, I've decided to be a Pagan." First, I started bringing the stuff into the house. I had an alter with a crystal ball, dragons, etc at first. Would say to my mother, "Hey, got matches? I'm going to the woods to perform some rituals and spells." There was never a direct confrontation about it. Although I reffer to myself as a Pagan all of the time. I say "Thank Isis" or "thank the Goddess" instead of "thank God." I send Season's Greeting cards and write in "Joyous Winter Solstice!" It was really very easy to come out. All I did was to be casual about it, and acted like it was no big deal. My Grandmother called me a "Devil worshipping Lesbian." That was to be expected, though. There's a drama queen who watches too much of Pat Robertson and Jerry Springer in every family.

[MammaStar]

Originally posted by tempest69
*hollers from inside jammed closet* Sorry. I can't come out to help. I'm stuck myself!:bigredgri

***Knocking on Door**** Is there room in that closet for me? Actually, I think I'm partially in, especially these days. When I told my Mom, I kinda just blurted out "Hey Mom, I'm a Witch" with a big smile on my face. She was kind of upset, she claimed that I should just do what she did with me & my bro, raise my son catholic till he's confirmed. I explained to her that I didn't want to do that, that I didn't feel comfortable and I just couldn't take following a path that tells me I think or believe was wrong. She understood it, and is very cool with the whole idea. She buys me books quite a bit and asks questions. She takes Tai Chi (she's a black belt :D ) and likes to compare the Eastern religons with my path. I like it, it's fun to have those kind of talks with her.

My DAD, on the other hand is a different story. I've mentioned before that I share a house with him and my step-monster. So that doesn't give me a lot of space, nor a lot of privacy. (my bedroom is a converted den). Anyway, my Dad is a great guy, very open, and I must admit, I LOVE it when the Jehovas (???) come a knockin' the conversations he gets them into are hysterical. My Step-Monster however, is a self-righteous *i*ch. Not to mention a raving pill popping alcholic (nah, i'm not bitter). She preaches "Gods way" and the church, angels, and how it's a shame my son didn't make his first communion, blah, blah, blah. Meanwhile, she's drinking at 8 am every day. ANYWAY...needless to say, I haven't come out to them, exactly.

I just got a pentacle recently, to wear around my neck. It's summertime, so I'm wearing lots of tank tops right now. Not like I can hide it. So far, no one has said one word to me about it, either negative or positive. So I guess people are either choosing to ignore it, or just don't care.

Well, that's my story. Sorry so long. Just thought I'd could help someone out explaining my situation. :elf:

[Fawn]

What would I say if coming out?
MOVE!!!
Sorry you all I could not resist I am feeling a little silly today.:crazy:

[Faolan]

I'm 15 years old, and I just started getting into Wicca. I live with my mom, and my brother and sis-in-law cause they're trying to finish college. both 27. I love my mom dearly, and I want to tell her of the belief I've chosen. I don't want to lie to her, and pretend I'm still christian, but I'm afraid of hurting her. Or even of her disowning me. I'm scared and I have no idea what to do. I like Yvonne's idea, and I just thought I would post it to see if there were others who have gone through the same thing, and maybe what they did.. I just need a little strength and support, and this seemed like a place full of people who could help a confuzed sappy teenager :(

Fao.

[Tigerwallah]

Before you label yourself, you should talk to your mom about what you believe. Remember, a lot of the negativity comes from the misconceptions that mainstream religions teach about Wicca and Paganism in general. So, instead of saying, "Mom, I've decided to be Wiccan." You should tell her that you love and respect nature, or that you believe in Karma and why. I started off by telling my mom that I just couldn't believe that there was only one god, and that it was a moldy, old man. I told her that god was supposed to be the "creator", and man was supposedly made in god's image, but in my experience women were creators and men were distroyers. So, wouldn't that suggest that the "Creator" was a female? I talked her ear off quite a bit before putting that Pagan/witch label on myself.

Before saying the "w" word that gets everyone upset, change what the "w" word means to her. It will make your transition from the closet much easier.

:heartthro good luck, and welcome to MW. It's nice to meet you! :bigredgri

[Rævyn Cigány]

Originally posted by LdyStarlite

I just got a pentacle recently, to wear around my neck. It's summertime, so I'm wearing lots of tank tops right now. Not like I can hide it. So far, no one has said one word to me about it, either negative or positive. So I guess people are either choosing to ignore it, or just don't care.


I hear you miLady...and you know what? Maybe I'm one of the lucky ones, but 'coming' out of the closet wasn't that big a deal for me...all I had to do was answer the one question I was asked..."What's that around your neck?" (my pentacle of the Goddess) And when I tell people I'm wiccan (and no, I don't blurt it out for no reason, I wait to be asked) they're first reaction is "REALLY??" and then a combination of "Cool!" and "Oh okay...".

I consider myself infinitely fortunate that everyone I know knew me before I started on a pagan path, so they know what I'm like and they don't give a fig who or what I worship (most of my friends are agnostic at best, even some are athiests). They know I'm a good person and leave it at that...

Argh! I'm babbling again...okay, that's WAY more than my two cents, so I'll just wait for the change, k? ;)

BB

Rae )0(

[Faolan]

thanks, I'll remember to talk to my mom about it that way, I bet it will help alot, because she likes alot of Celtic things but she's christian (always confused me) so maybe that will help a little bit. Thanks for the advice *grin*

[Yvonne Belisle]

Some of the suggestions in this thread are good for consolidating how you feel so I thought I would bump it up to the top.

[Ravenhart]

When I first became interested in Wicca, it was about two years ago. One year ago, I bought Teen Witch by Silver Ravenwolf (a great book for beginners). I had no idea of how to tell my mom that I was interested in Wicca. So, one morning, I left the book on her bed with a note, before going to school. My mom read through it and later that night we talked about it. She asked me why I was interested, and I told her. That's pretty much how I stepped out.

Blessed Be!

[ladyrowan]

I guess it's a lot easier when you've been brought up in a household where religion plays no part, as i was.
However, my parents have always thought my sister and I a bit 'odd' and different because we were into an alternative lifestyle since our early teens (many years ago!).
"why can't you wear a pretty dress instead of all that hippy stuff?'

Never discussed my faith with Mum, never have, and my dad knows the truth since going home 16 years ago; he was a non-believer while on this earth, but has contacted me on several occasions since - nearest he ever got to admitting he was wrong! haha, bless him.

Over here, i think most parents just think it's a 'stage' that kids go through and leave them to get on with it. Don't ever let anyone dictate what you should believe, it's your life and you're free to have your own private thoughts.
And if it gives you difficulties, just look on it as a lesson you are here to learn, and be happy that witches are no longer burned or hung for their beliefs!

Here endeth todays lesson. :rolleyes:

Blessed Be

[Yvonne Belisle]

I bumped this and a few others in other places up for those that are dealing with coming out and the reactions and results.

[CondurerMan]

altough i'm extremely new to the matter, and i can't empahsise "NEN" hard enough, i never thought about coming out with it, my parents aren't religios so i don't think they'll mind all that much at-least i hope so ;)

[Dria El]

I don't know if I'm considered 'in' or 'out'. I've always been 'different' than the rest of my family (I was raised Mormon). I've never been afraid to share or talk about what I believe. Some years ago I found out that my beliefs had a name. I still don't have a problem sharing or talking about what I believe but I think the difference between how I relate what I believe and the way 'others' do is the terminology. I try to stay away from the 'buzz words'. I've found that it's far less traumatic for all involved if one tries to use less volatile words (such as witch, wicca, pagan, etc.). I can get my point across just fine without them. One day they'll 'get the picture' and make the connection between my beliefs and the labels put on them and (hopefully) by then they will see that I'm the same person I always was and it won't be such a big deal.

So... Am I in? Or out?

[Lilu]

I would probably (based on my own thoughts only of course) classify you as "out" myself. This is mainly because you don't go out of your way to hide your beliefs - but everyone has their own ideas.

I am completely out - in fact I've never been in, so it has never been a problem - I never knew there was a reason to be "In" until I started talking to Americans! ha! Australia is so laid-back about this stuff. Or maybe it's just that I never gave a rat's razoo about what people thought ;) hehehe I announced to my co-workers that I was pagan when I was working in a library and mostly everyone was cool with it - the only one I think who had a problem with it, never said anything to me. :) I guess I got off lucky.

BB
Lilu

[Dria El]

That's kinda the way I see it but I don't scream it from the housetops (though, sometimes I wish I could! lol) so some may not see it that way.

[Earth Shadow~]

I came out by displaying a pentegram necklace proudly. My mother had an idea that I would probably get into it because my grandmother was a witch. She wasn't surprised.

The people I worked with continously asked me if I was a devil worshipper. :O Didn't much bother me, I know I'm not. :)

For teens, it's hard to communicate things to your parents without getting defensive. I'm only 24 so I remember what it was like trying to explain ANYTHING to my mother.

I think that the best way to go about it, is to show the parents the reading material. Point out pages that express beleifs and practices.

People fear what they don't understand. I don't think parent's understand teenagers very well. Then again, it's a confusing time for teens themselves. How can you explain when you're just begining to understand?

To dilute the fear associated with the craft I think a clearly written and easily understanable book on Wicca, Paganism or The Craft in general is probably the best bet.

Love and light to all,

Earth Shadow~

[Myst]

Originally posted by Lilu
I never knew there was a reason to be "In" until I started talking to Americans! ha! Australia is so laid-back about this stuff.

My mom's family is Native American and my great grandmother read tea leaves and foretold the future. Actually several of my cousins on that side are also Pagan, and I was raised without religion. My dad likes to believe when he passes the valkyries will take him to valhalla, and my mom has been asking lots of questions about Paganism. Even my inlaws know and don't have a problem with it, and almost all my friends are Pagan too. I guess I got lucky too :)

[Starlight]

If I'm asked I say "Yep I'm a witch" ( and give a small grin to go along) but if not then what people don't know can't hurt em' *shrugs*