7 year itch?

[Amethyst Rose]

I wasn't sure if this should go in family or not, if it fits more in there, feel free to move it....

Have any of you married people out there gone through the whole "7 year itch" thing? I've been married for five years now and I'm beginning to wonder if that's happening to me. I love my husband like no other, and I know without a doubt that we will always be together, but lately I've found myself having "unfaithful" thoughts, and thinking it's too bad I can't still play the field.
Anyway, I just wanted to know if this is normal or not.

[Valnorran]

Seems to me that no matter how much you love someone, you're going to wonder what it would be like with so-and-so. I think that's only human.

[Old Witch]

In a couple of weeks I'll be married 30 years. I still have those thoughts.............You just don't act on them............:D

[Willow_Raindancer]

If you didn't have those thoughts, I'd worry about you LOL!
It's normal, but if you ever feel yourself wanting to act on those thoughts, go to a marriage counselor!
A marriage is something you work on ALWAYS!
I personally feel the 7 year itch is an outdated idea.
I think all people and relationships are different and you know yourself better than we do.
If your worried simply because you've had these thoughts, you can quit worrying:D

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by Old Witch
In a couple of weeks I'll be married 30 years. I still have those thoughts.............You just don't act on them............:D

Exactly. Age and life circumstance are big factors, too. In our thirties and early forties (but this can occur earlier) we go through a transitional stage where we analyze our lives and begin asking "Who am I and why am I here, What have I done with my life," etc. Are you finding that you're also feeling the same way about your job, choices you've made, etc?

As others have said, this is a normal stage of development and nothing to worry about unless you feel you have to act on those thoughts.

[Gwion]

I think that this is one reason why wedding vows carry such moral weight. We know that at some point we may be tempted to betray our spouse, so we vow to be stronger than that temptation, and swear it by the love that binds you together. There's no way out of this one by saying "well, infidelity is a man thing" or "a woman thing." This is about honor, plain and simple. Honoring a Vow made before your Creator and most beloved family and friends.

[Amethyst Rose]

It's good to know I'm normal :D

[Willow_Raindancer]

Originally posted by Amethyst Rose
It's good to know I'm normal :D

Hey, we never said "you" were normal, just what your feeling LOL!
Just kidding!
Now your finished worrying, make a few good fantasies of your hubby! It works for me;)

[Cajime]

i wouldn't worry yet, when you start acting uppon them then you should think things through, and still, loving relationships can still continue after an affair. In fact, I think 2 out of 3 relationships still last after an affair has been had :)

I think it's quite normal, especially in this day and age (not really do them but think of them)

[Gwion]

I can't disagree more. Once that vow has been broken, the cracked places will always be there no matter how they try to pretend. Not worth the shame.

[Amethyst Rose]

I disagree with that statement as well..... I might be able to forgive once... maybe. But I would have no trust, no respect and would be seriously pissed off, so it's a big maybe. As to my husband, we've actually talked about it and he couldn't forgive that, ever. Said he'd never be able to get the image of me being with another guy out of his mind.
That being the case, my parents are divorced and, therefore, when I got married it was my intention to always honor my vows, I don't make promises I don't keep.

[Eeluna]

When I was younger, I would have adamantly agreed with Gwion and Amethyst Rose. I was certain that any infidelity would ruin a relationship and that I would never stay with a man who would break his vows. Time and experience has a way of changing things.

My husband and I had a very rough time after we had been married about five years. Did he have an affair? I would have sworn he did at the time, but honestly I don't know for sure. I had no proof, just feelings. We fought. He denied everything, still I was certain. I did a lot of soul-searching. It was an extremely painful time, but I came to the conclusion that if he had, it was probably as much my fault as it was his. He was working out-of-town. My self-esteem was in the gutter--I was probably depressed--I know I was thoroughly miserable, and when he was home, I made his life hell.

We are human. Sometimes we make mistakes. I knew that he loved me and I loved him. I decided that it didn't matter what had really happened, that our love was important enough to fight for. So we worked at improving our relationship. It took committment from both of us but things slowly changed for the better. We have a great relationship now, and we've been married for over twenty years.

If he was the type to have multiple affairs, I would have never stayed with him. We are all tempted by other people at times. When we are truly committed, we keep the temptations a part of our fantasy life only. If both partners are not truly committed, something is wrong in the relationship--it is rarely only one person's fault. At that time you have the option of chucking it all and seperating, or working through the problems and making things better. It's a long, often painful process, but if you love each other, it's definitely worth it--and it takes a l-o-n-g time but you can learn to trust again.

[shnen]

I would never be able to forgive.. I would want to go and equal up the score.. he got to go have fun with someone else.. so do I.

[Gwion]

Uh, I'll be right back with commentary as soon as I find an eleven foot pole and an asbestos suit.

Adultery is a stain on one's honor that is indelible. Here's a well-related thread on Oaths & Vows:

http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=21666

Think how a son or daughter would feel toward the mother who betrayed their father, or vice versa. Adultery is hardly a victimless crime.

[Silver_Alhena]

I took my b/f back, but things were never the same since. Most of the trust and respect I had for him left...

[Willow_Raindancer]

If people (men AND women) would keep in mind the devastation affairs WILL have to their relationship, less affairs would happen.
Allow yourself the fantasy but know where it ends!

Fantasy is OK! BUT Always give yourself a reality check;)

[Gwion]

What a falling off was there
from me, whose love was of that dignity
that it went hand in hand even with the vow
I made to her in marriage, and to decline
upon a wretch whose natural gifts were poor
to those of mine!
But virtue, as it never will be moved
though lewdness court it in a shape of heaven,
so lust, though to a radiant angel link’d
will sate itself in a celestial bed
and prey on garbage.
Leave her to heaven,
and to those thorns that in her bosom lodge
to prick and sting her.
Ghost, HAMLET, I, v