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CelticMoon11
July 31st, 2009, 12:32 AM
Waters broke, lots of labor pains, 15 week gestation baby boy entered the world and didn't survive the trip. I went to hospital and nearly bled to death...

R.I.P Dylan, our little man we never knew...

Cunae
July 31st, 2009, 12:37 AM
I'm so sorry, friend.

monsnoleedra
July 31st, 2009, 01:22 AM
Your little Dylan is in my prayers.

I don't have much energy to offer right now but what ever is available is yours to use to help you through this sad time. :hugz:

Agaliha
July 31st, 2009, 01:38 AM
:hugz:

I'm sorry for your loss!

Sakurako
July 31st, 2009, 02:05 AM
:hugz: I'm really sorry for your loss.

Bettie
July 31st, 2009, 02:21 AM
I am so sorry for your loss.

la tortuga
July 31st, 2009, 02:35 AM
Oh, this is so terrible. :hugz: I'm so sorry.

androgino
July 31st, 2009, 02:41 AM
I'm sorry to hear that. How sad. =(

Seren_
July 31st, 2009, 02:51 AM
I'm so sorry :hugz:

Monkey1212
July 31st, 2009, 02:53 AM
So sorry for your loss. I lost my bun at 9 weeks in May. :( *hugs* to you.
-monkey

Raven Reed
July 31st, 2009, 03:12 AM
I am so sorry for your loss.

blithespirit
July 31st, 2009, 05:17 AM
:hugz:

Crystal Willowtree
July 31st, 2009, 05:29 AM
:hugz: so sorry for your loss

HiccupingBat
July 31st, 2009, 05:51 AM
:hugz:

CelticMoon11
July 31st, 2009, 06:43 AM
Thank you for your well wishes and hugs, they are appreciated. I'm still feeling like a bit of a limbo, it happened so fast and then it was over, and then I nearly bled to death and I get sent home like nothing happened. Guess I feel kinda hollow from the hospital experience, they sent me home to miscarry, patched me up then sent me home again, no sorry's no hugs, no nothing... guess it's not their job but all feels sort of sterile I guess..

Xentor
July 31st, 2009, 07:32 AM
(((CelticMoon11)))

Corvis Canis Latrans
July 31st, 2009, 09:39 AM
:hugz:

Cloaked Raven
July 31st, 2009, 11:50 AM
I'm so sorry, sweetie.

:hugz: x 10000000000000000000000000000000000000......

WitchJezebel
July 31st, 2009, 12:33 PM
Awww, I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugz:

Rainstorme
July 31st, 2009, 12:46 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. :hugz:

banondraig
July 31st, 2009, 12:47 PM
:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hug z::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

Brightshores
July 31st, 2009, 01:25 PM
:hugz: I am so sorry... peace to you and to your little one..

Shawn Blackwolf
July 31st, 2009, 02:17 PM
In your pain , and emptyness ,
May your soul be angel kissed ,
May the one you called to you ,
Be a spirit guide in all you do ,
May you know his way across ,
Was a gentle one to soften loss ,
And though his song be sung on high ,
Know the waves , themselves , do sigh...

May you be comforted , and nurtured , and
healed in the arms of the eternal...

Hugz , and may your heart lighten with each day...

Jrdyn
July 31st, 2009, 02:41 PM
I am so very sorry to hear - My thoughts are with you and your family - blessings to the little life lost

PandoraHealer
July 31st, 2009, 02:42 PM
Wow.
I'm very very sorry. It's a terrible loss. :(

Lunacie
July 31st, 2009, 02:51 PM
Thank you for your well wishes and hugs, they are appreciated. I'm still feeling like a bit of a limbo, it happened so fast and then it was over, and then I nearly bled to death and I get sent home like nothing happened. Guess I feel kinda hollow from the hospital experience, they sent me home to miscarry, patched me up then sent me home again, no sorry's no hugs, no nothing... guess it's not their job but all feels sort of sterile I guess..

I'm so sorry. Don't know if it helps, but I believe with all my heart that there was someone waiting for him on the other side with loving arms.

You might want to think about looking for a support group in your area for people who have had miscarriages (either moms or both parents). I heartily endorse support groups. http://www.paganforum.com/Smileys/custom/hug.gif (javascript:void(0);)

MoonSpiral
July 31st, 2009, 02:54 PM
I'm so very sorry.

teishabee
July 31st, 2009, 02:55 PM
loving thoughts are with you.

Caitlin.ann
July 31st, 2009, 02:56 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. :hugz:

Rowan MoonDragon
July 31st, 2009, 04:04 PM
I'm so very sorry for your loss. :hugz:

brigidrose
July 31st, 2009, 04:12 PM
So sorry for your loss.
I believe that the soul will come back when your stronger and the next time around everything will go smoothly. You will be reunited again. Maybe he decided to be a little girl and wanted to start over. We can't see the big picture, but its never the end. Hugs to you.

green aventurine
July 31st, 2009, 04:20 PM
Sorry to hear about your loss and your pain. Will send some energy your way if you want some.

CelticMoon11
July 31st, 2009, 07:33 PM
Thank you all, I know there is probably a reason, and that he is in a better place, I just feel so sore and hollow, bit raw and a bit teary. Guess I wouldn't be human if I didn't let it affect me. I just keep thinking of his little hands and little toes and how cold they went so fast... I started to feel him kicking, and now theres nothing but pain in my tumbley...

Cloaked Raven
July 31st, 2009, 07:36 PM
:hugz: x 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000

CelticMoon11
July 31st, 2009, 07:45 PM
How do I celebrate Imbolc today?

Glowy
July 31st, 2009, 07:52 PM
I am so sorry,



I think you get a free pass to sit this Imbolc out, unless celebrating is something you feel strongly about, and could give you comfort.

((hugs))

alwaysfallingup
July 31st, 2009, 09:19 PM
I'm sending wishes for solace and comfort. :hugz:

Sequoia
July 31st, 2009, 09:33 PM
Oh, my dear... :hugz:

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm especially sorry at how the hospital staff treated you. I second the idea of looking for a support group in your area. You need lots of love and support right now. You've lost a child, just as surely as if he'd been born at full gestation and then passed...

All I can offer is hugs, but they're yours. :hugz:

CelticMoon11
August 2nd, 2009, 01:23 AM
Thank you everyone. On some mum forums I'm on a lady posted the numbers for the local social worker at the hospital that can get me the contact details for all the local support networks. The lady who PM'ed me had something similar happen to her and is taking action against the hospital and asked me to please tell the SW what happened, so I may do that I don't want to stir mischief I don't want to go to court but I don't want the next poor girl getting turned away to bleed in the bathroom rocking her baby asking why with no medical support around.

I had a dream of a full term Dylan last night holding my baby, still not quite over it. I went to the shops and got some rosemary and a baby statue and some pebbles for his resting place. I don't feel much better for doing it but I guess it will help me in the long run...

Here are some pics of the little grave:

http://users.tpg.com.au/badxe/Dylan%20grave.jpg

http://users.tpg.com.au/badxe/Dylan%20grave%202.jpg

Why is it they can give me antibiotics, they can give you pain killers, but they can't give you anything to stop your heart aching from grief...

Gypsyballad
August 2nd, 2009, 01:31 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss. :hugz:

twinkletwinkle
August 2nd, 2009, 01:31 AM
oh, sososososososo very sorry for that loss.:hugz:

Cassie
August 2nd, 2009, 03:14 AM
Sorry for your loss. :hugz:

Clair de la Lune
August 2nd, 2009, 03:18 AM
So sorry for your loss! I will hold you and your little Dylan in my prayers. :hugz:

CelticMoon11
August 2nd, 2009, 07:42 PM
I want my baby back :(

Shawn Blackwolf
August 2nd, 2009, 09:10 PM
May you be embraced , and healed...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xF4UZppqbo&feature=related

DreamSpell333
August 2nd, 2009, 09:25 PM
I want my baby back :(

I lost a baby girl at 25 weeks in 2006.. Im very sorry for your loss. :hugz: I know the pain your in right now . If you ever need anyone to talk to im only a PM away! :)

I joined an online support group which helped me with my grief. http://health.dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/OurBabyAngels/

zombi
August 2nd, 2009, 10:32 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugz:

TuathaSidhe
August 2nd, 2009, 10:41 PM
I am so, so sorry :hugz:

I dunno if it'll help, but my mother, after she had me, lost four babies, then had my brother, then lost another one, then had my sister.

It was so hard...but what kept her going was she honestly believed that, that soul was meant to be and come through her.

again, I am so sorry. :hugz:

Catiana
August 2nd, 2009, 10:49 PM
:hugz:

Philosophia
August 2nd, 2009, 10:51 PM
:hugz: Sending lots of hugs to you! :hugz:

watersprite
August 2nd, 2009, 10:58 PM
:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:Many prayers and meditations for the Great Spirit and Gaia to see your sweet one through transition.
And many for you as well.

Xentor
August 3rd, 2009, 05:16 AM
:hugz:

There are professional caretakers that specialise in post-partum depression. Talk to your health-care provider.

CelticMoon11
August 3rd, 2009, 05:29 AM
Thank you, yes I rung the hospital and I am seeing a social worker tomorrow who will assess me and get me the relevant support she thinks I need.

I got flowers sent up to the two nurses who worked so hard to save my life and help prevent a hysterectomy to say a big thank you to them.

I spent most of today in bed sleeping and crying, I feel a little lighter in my heart now I haven't really let myself cry for more than a few minutes since it happened. My housemate/babysitter/best friend had Ryan today so it helped a lot :).

Darkest Eve
August 3rd, 2009, 09:50 AM
:hugz:

DreamSpell333
August 3rd, 2009, 09:55 AM
Thank you everyone. On some mum forums I'm on a lady posted the numbers for the local social worker at the hospital that can get me the contact details for all the local support networks. The lady who PM'ed me had something similar happen to her and is taking action against the hospital and asked me to please tell the SW what happened, so I may do that I don't want to stir mischief I don't want to go to court but I don't want the next poor girl getting turned away to bleed in the bathroom rocking her baby asking why with no medical support around.

I had a dream of a full term Dylan last night holding my baby, still not quite over it. I went to the shops and got some rosemary and a baby statue and some pebbles for his resting place. I don't feel much better for doing it but I guess it will help me in the long run...

Here are some pics of the little grave:

http://users.tpg.com.au/badxe/Dylan%20grave.jpg

http://users.tpg.com.au/badxe/Dylan%20grave%202.jpg

Why is it they can give me antibiotics, they can give you pain killers, but they can't give you anything to stop your heart aching from grief...

Your going to grieve for awhile hun. I still have moments where I cry and miss Olivia terribly. I dont think I'll ever fully get over losing her and dont think were meant to.

im sorry that the hosptial treated you so horribly. I had Olivia at a University hospital and although the grief staff were great to me,the nurses didnt care as they stuck me in a room next to a mother who had a healthy little girl with shared bathrooms.
Dylan's grave stones look beautiful. :hugz:

Cloaked Raven
August 3rd, 2009, 10:08 AM
:hugz: x 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000

His stones are beautiful... :hugz: and lots of love to you.

abrecan
August 3rd, 2009, 10:35 AM
friend, take care. your heart will be heavier for a very long while, but rest assured, he's free. :hugz:

skilly-nilly
August 3rd, 2009, 11:24 PM
I just realized that your description has changed...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost a baby too and truly there is nothing worse-- you lose your hopes without any memories. Give yourself permission to grieve as long as you need to, seek help from the care-givers who understand your bereavement, and ignore the unfeeling people who want to treat you like nothing happened.

If complaining to the hospital makes the terrible thing that happened to you a little less terrible for some other poor grieving mother then you've done a good thing. But only if you're strong enough-- don't push yourself too hard.

The grave-stones and memorial are beautiful.

CelticMoon11
August 4th, 2009, 01:44 AM
Thank you all. I saw the social worker today I told her what happened and she is going to organise for the head obstitrician (sp?) and manager of maternity to speak with me. The Ob. will go through my file and try and explain everything that happened to me and where things went wrong and why and talk to me about trying to concieve again and see if together with the dr that saw my baby if they can give me an indication of what could of caused it.

The head of maternity I'm going to talk to about my emergency care when I first got to hospital, my feelings of being dismissed like I didn't know what my own body was telling me and being sent home to miscarry in the bathroom. She is then going to talk to the drs that attended to me and then tell my story to all the ppl at the ward in hopes that this will not happen to anyone else again and after hearing my story they may or may not write to the minister with some recommended policy changes. I said to them I don't want compensation, I don't want to complain, and I don't want the ppl involved to get in trouble, but I don't want it to happen again and I don't want to be swept under the table and forgotten.

The social worker thinks I need to deal with and be debriefed on all the other things that have happened and to try and come to terms with my near death experience before I can grieve properly, so hopefully these meetings help me get some closure so I can start to heal because I don't feel like I'm really going forward in life I just keep thinking of all the horrible things that happened and I can't let them go...

skilly-nilly
August 4th, 2009, 11:33 AM
It's so good you have people there to help you manage it.

As a whole experience, it's huge-- just take it one small step, one tiny bit at a time until you work your way through it. It'll take time; don't make yourself try to hurry.

I found it very useful to communicate directly to my lost child; what worked for me was to (gradually) build up a visualization. Mine was of him as an adult, but a friend's was of her baby as a 6 yr old.

I don't think there's any time in the Other World (I call it the Timeless Land) so I believe that our children there stay as long as we think of them (same as our ancestors, I believe). Then I believe that they go Someplace Else or get re-born but it's not like they're waiting for it-- there's no time there so they are fine to stay with us.

I wrote a charm for my friend and her child, Megan:

Go with God or stay right here,
I will always hold you dear.
When it's time for us to part,
Know that you are in my heart.

CelticMoon11
August 7th, 2009, 05:11 AM
Ty for your little prayer, made me cry :). I am asking that he return to me in a healthy little body if the Gods decide it to be so, I'm hoping they hear me

FaeDragon
August 8th, 2009, 12:55 AM
{{{hugs}}}

I am so sorry to hear about this. I wish I could take away the pain. I am here if you should need anything.

Shanti
August 8th, 2009, 02:34 AM
So sorry. No words will make it go away. Time makes it bearable.

I lost my wee one at 16 weeks but got to hold her in my hand for awhile. She fit perfectly in one hand. That was 10 years ago and I still have a part of Epony Sage with me, in my heart.

~hugs~

Flux
August 14th, 2009, 06:39 PM
Just seeing this...My heart aches for you. I lost a son the same age as Dylan. I wish I had some words of comfort.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Kate VonDiva
August 14th, 2009, 07:13 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugz:

Zetta
August 14th, 2009, 11:52 PM
Oh honey. I have been gone from mw for a few months and i just saw. i am so sorry honey. *sending you energy*

_Banbha_
August 15th, 2009, 11:23 PM
:hugz: So very sorry to hear about your loss :hugz:

CelticMoon11
August 19th, 2009, 06:27 AM
Thank you all, I have blue moments but am getting there. At work I had a tiny pain that reminded me of the pains I had before I miscarried, it brought back every memory, every detail in a flood, I had a good cry. Good thing I work in a place where no one cares so you can sit and cry and no one gives a damn *thumbs up sarcastically* (I tell a lie, theres one lady who cares and loves, but she was away :( ).

Have a post-op infection, antibiotics for 2 weeks and if still bleeding more surgery... fun!

DreamSpell333
August 19th, 2009, 12:40 PM
Thank you all, I have blue moments but am getting there. At work I had a tiny pain that reminded me of the pains I had before I miscarried, it brought back every memory, every detail in a flood, I had a good cry. Good thing I work in a place where no one cares so you can sit and cry and no one gives a damn *thumbs up sarcastically* (I tell a lie, theres one lady who cares and loves, but she was away :( ).

Have a post-op infection, antibiotics for 2 weeks and if still bleeding more surgery... fun!

Hope things get better for you and your grief lessen's every day.
It's been 3 1/2 years since I lost my baby,Olivia and I still miss her
terribly but the grief and pain I had then has lessened. Im now able to accept that she is happy where she is and looking over us.
:hugz:

KC Destroyer of Worlds
August 19th, 2009, 12:41 PM
May you find joy again in the near future.

CelticMoon11
October 11th, 2009, 07:17 AM
Thank you all for your kind words. It appears we may have a new bundle brewing, wish me luck and sticky vibes this wee bubalug stays on board :)

Flux
October 28th, 2009, 03:19 PM
Fingers crossed! Have you posted an update?

Going to look...

CelticMoon11
October 30th, 2009, 10:27 PM
Waiting till after my ultrasound and blood tests Wednesday as I had a big bleed but looks like the little mite held on, just checking for a heart beat now then the week by week stress attack till after 16wks and then onward to the stress attacks till the end of pregnancy if we make it that far this time. Looks like it may have been twins, lost one while the other held on, shall see

Cloaked Raven
October 31st, 2009, 11:49 AM
I hope everything works out and the little one stays healthy and goes to full term.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, CelticMoon. :hugz:

HetHert
October 31st, 2009, 01:06 PM
:hugz: You're in my thoughts and well wishes sweety!

la tortuga
October 31st, 2009, 01:11 PM
Waiting till after my ultrasound and blood tests Wednesday as I had a big bleed but looks like the little mite held on, just checking for a heart beat now then the week by week stress attack till after 16wks and then onward to the stress attacks till the end of pregnancy if we make it that far this time. Looks like it may have been twins, lost one while the other held on, shall see

This happened to my mom with my little brother, I hope your baby ends up the shining example of health that he was (and he was an absolutely huge monster of a baby, born 3 weeks early and still way too big!).

mommy_tl
October 31st, 2009, 01:38 PM
I'm sending you sticky-bun vibes :bigredgri Good luck hun!

CelticMoon11
October 31st, 2009, 06:03 PM
Thank you all, I hear it is quite common to happen. I bled with Ryan (who is now 2years old) but he held on, but this was a lot worse so instantly assumed a m/c, then they thought ectopic, now maybe anembryonic (sac no baby) but I wouldn't have even been 5wks when they looked for a heartbeat, heart usually doesn't kick in till 6wks+. I'm meant to be 7wks today, so i'll be 7wks 3 days for the next ultrasound, hopefully it shows a bub and hopefully bubs sticks!! We just want 2 kidlets and then after that if my baby making days are over I don't care, I don't want Ryan to be an only child like I was, it was pretty boring :). A lady at my work at support office has had 6 miscarriages and 3 anembryonic pregnancies, but also has 6 kids and about 12 grandkids, she has been really lovely and supportive. My male cat has also been perminantly attached to me the last 2 weeks, sleeping with me and following me, everytime I sit down I get a pile up of cats, I think they know :)... not that I would mind if it was winter, but we are heading into summer!! lol

Cloaked Raven
November 1st, 2009, 10:57 AM
My cat stuck pretty close to me when I was pregnant with my little son too, she loved to lay on my tummy and feel him kicking... The harder he kicked, the louder she purred, meaning he was kicking more... Y'all get the idea. ;)

Cats are very knowing and intelligent creatures... They sometimes know things before we humans do. :)

Khatt
November 4th, 2009, 10:42 AM
Keeping you in our thoughts.

banondraig
November 4th, 2009, 10:52 AM
(((hugs)))

Flux
November 4th, 2009, 12:01 PM
:hugz: I'll be looking for an update.

I was an only child too. While I wouldn't change it for me, I wanted something else for my kids. We have an 18 year old daughter. By the time we actually had our second it was like having two only children. And I was determined not to have two only children! I was pretty panicked for a couple years while we tried for our third, but he is here and well...and feisty. ;) My positive thoughts are with you!