SnowStar
November 23rd, 2002, 10:27 PM
It feels good to say that. I don't get to tell people that often, because when I do they'll do one of a few things:
1: just roll their eyes because sappiness is incredibly out of character for me.
2: Roll their eyes because I'm essentially stating the obvious since I talk about Will (my boyfriend) all the time.
3: tell me they don't want to hear about it because [insert reason here]
4: tell me that I'm too young to know whether or not I'm in love for real and it'll probably pass because things like that usually do at my age.
The first three usually are responses from my friends. Those I can live with because even though they give me a little grief, they take me at my word. It's the fourth one that really gets to me. I don't even have to utter the words "I love him" or similar for my parents and other adults in my life to inscinuate that I'm still too young to know whether or not I really do love him. A few years ago comments like "if you're still together by then" or "I hope you don't get distracted in college because of a serious relationship" in reference to my then-current boyfriend would have been no skin off of my nose. Commitment and love meant nothing to me when I was 14 and 15 years old. Hell, even at 16 it gave me the willies for awhile. Not long after I met Will, however, the realization gradually came to me that not only did I love him, but I did not mind being "tied down" so to speak by being in a relationship. Via these two realizations, I soon reached an epiphany that scared the hell out of me, and admittedly still does because I have never felt or thought this in an intelligent adult manner before - Will is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've actually never verbally told anyone this before...at least not anyone I see on a daily basis, and admittedly, not even Will (though I honestly think that we sort of have a nonverbal understanding of something along those lines...oddly enough, we're pretty good at that.). I can't really tell this to anyone that I actually know simply because the responses I recieve by simply stating "I love him" would be amplified times 10 at least. I had to tell someone, though, because this has been building up in me for awhile to the point where I almost want to scream it for all the world to hear. In time, I'll be able to. The time just isn't right now. If I didn' say something, though, I'd have very well exploded.
I probably stopped making a whole lot of sense in there somewhere, but when I'm emotional that happens. I've never really experienced this emotion to such depth before...it's like I'm feeling every possible emotion all at once, but at the same time no emotion at all. It's like I am invincible, but at the same time just the slightest thing could lead to my demise. It's dizzying, it's wonderful, it's terrible, it makes all of my physical pain go away, but it makes my heart hurt because it's bursting at the seams. Every day that goes by where I can't talk to him for whatever reason, I feel like I die a little inside. Every day that I do talk to him, a part of me is reborn. Everytime I see him everything is alright and nothing is wrong as long as he's around...I have nothing to worry about, and I rarely could be happier. I miss him even before he leaves. If he's sad, it makes me sad, if he's happy it makes me happy, and vice-versa.
It all is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced.
I could sit here and go on and on as to every little nuance and detail about why I'm in love and how I'm in love and how I know what I know I know. I really could. In a way I'd really like to. However, I doubt that anyone would like to sit here that long to read it, and I also don't want to sit here for that long to struggle through it, searching for and assigning the perfect words to every action and feeling. Hopefully for this first time actually saying some of these things I can be taken at my word and believed. I am SnowStar MoonCrystal StormDragon. I am 17 years old. I am a woman. I am in love. And that's all I hope anyone needs to know.
1: just roll their eyes because sappiness is incredibly out of character for me.
2: Roll their eyes because I'm essentially stating the obvious since I talk about Will (my boyfriend) all the time.
3: tell me they don't want to hear about it because [insert reason here]
4: tell me that I'm too young to know whether or not I'm in love for real and it'll probably pass because things like that usually do at my age.
The first three usually are responses from my friends. Those I can live with because even though they give me a little grief, they take me at my word. It's the fourth one that really gets to me. I don't even have to utter the words "I love him" or similar for my parents and other adults in my life to inscinuate that I'm still too young to know whether or not I really do love him. A few years ago comments like "if you're still together by then" or "I hope you don't get distracted in college because of a serious relationship" in reference to my then-current boyfriend would have been no skin off of my nose. Commitment and love meant nothing to me when I was 14 and 15 years old. Hell, even at 16 it gave me the willies for awhile. Not long after I met Will, however, the realization gradually came to me that not only did I love him, but I did not mind being "tied down" so to speak by being in a relationship. Via these two realizations, I soon reached an epiphany that scared the hell out of me, and admittedly still does because I have never felt or thought this in an intelligent adult manner before - Will is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've actually never verbally told anyone this before...at least not anyone I see on a daily basis, and admittedly, not even Will (though I honestly think that we sort of have a nonverbal understanding of something along those lines...oddly enough, we're pretty good at that.). I can't really tell this to anyone that I actually know simply because the responses I recieve by simply stating "I love him" would be amplified times 10 at least. I had to tell someone, though, because this has been building up in me for awhile to the point where I almost want to scream it for all the world to hear. In time, I'll be able to. The time just isn't right now. If I didn' say something, though, I'd have very well exploded.
I probably stopped making a whole lot of sense in there somewhere, but when I'm emotional that happens. I've never really experienced this emotion to such depth before...it's like I'm feeling every possible emotion all at once, but at the same time no emotion at all. It's like I am invincible, but at the same time just the slightest thing could lead to my demise. It's dizzying, it's wonderful, it's terrible, it makes all of my physical pain go away, but it makes my heart hurt because it's bursting at the seams. Every day that goes by where I can't talk to him for whatever reason, I feel like I die a little inside. Every day that I do talk to him, a part of me is reborn. Everytime I see him everything is alright and nothing is wrong as long as he's around...I have nothing to worry about, and I rarely could be happier. I miss him even before he leaves. If he's sad, it makes me sad, if he's happy it makes me happy, and vice-versa.
It all is the most wonderful thing I have ever experienced.
I could sit here and go on and on as to every little nuance and detail about why I'm in love and how I'm in love and how I know what I know I know. I really could. In a way I'd really like to. However, I doubt that anyone would like to sit here that long to read it, and I also don't want to sit here for that long to struggle through it, searching for and assigning the perfect words to every action and feeling. Hopefully for this first time actually saying some of these things I can be taken at my word and believed. I am SnowStar MoonCrystal StormDragon. I am 17 years old. I am a woman. I am in love. And that's all I hope anyone needs to know.