Can't get past the anger

[Calli]

I don't know what I need. I guess I just need to voice this publicly. I am so filled with so much anger from my past relationship. It's been a couple of months, but I'm still so angry. In fact, I'm angrier now than I was then. I'm just starting to put two and two together and add up just how many lies there were. I detest dishonesty, I really do. But if my past history was any indicator, if you lie to me, I'll love you forever. I'm so tired of being the idiot who believes whatever they're told, even though the evidence says otherwise. Yes, I'm angry at myself as well as him. I just want the anger to go away. I know the only way past an emotion is through it, but how long will this take? The anger keeps a psychic connection there that I want gone. I want nothing more to do with him - psychic or otherwise. I've already released/erased him from my life magically. Should I do that again?

[HiccupingBat]

It couldn't hurt to do it again. I can relate, as I am sure many can, unfortunately. The anger takes a while to go, it might never fully leave you. You might find yourself still slightly angry 10 years from now.

Try to do what you did before, maybe try some other things out. Meditation helped me a lot.

I hope you can heal, I hope you can rid yourself of the anger. :hugz:

[Cassie]

The anger keeps a psychic connection there that I want gone. I want nothing more to do with him - psychic or otherwise. I've already released/erased him from my life magically. Should I do that again?
Maybe your focus was wrong the first time. Maybe any magic you do now should be focused on yourself rather than him;-on letting go of your own anger and moving on with your own life. Maybe whatever you did last time back-fired because it was too focused on the connection between you.

[Wolf O Volos]

please understand, I have BEEN there... wasted a LOT of time in that anger phase, and rolled around in loads of dark energy for it...

What I have learned from it is this: Being Angry at the past is about as useful as closing your eyes in the dark. The past is unchanging. It has happened, it is already set. What is more important is that you remind yourself that what is done is DONE, and start to focus on what you want NOW, and in the future... The things you CAN control, somewhat, instead of things that wont change.

Not to say you shouldnt look back, and learn harsh lessons from time to time. But that is what they are... Lessons. Mistakes to be learned from. Impartial, non emotional. Look at the situation with logic, instead of anger, and tell yourself that you WONT allow these things to happen again, and you will be a stronger person for having Thought your way through it, as opposed to being tired and depressed for having to have Fought through it...

Just one coping mechanism, and philosophy that has worked wonders for me... I figured I would share it, in hopes it makes sense to you as well, and brings about some good. ;)

[watersprite]

I don't know what I need. I guess I just need to voice this publicly. I am so filled with so much anger from my past relationship. It's been a couple of months, but I'm still so angry. In fact, I'm angrier now than I was then. I'm just starting to put two and two together and add up just how many lies there were. I detest dishonesty, I really do. But if my past history was any indicator, if you lie to me, I'll love you forever. I'm so tired of being the idiot who believes whatever they're told, even though the evidence says otherwise. Yes, I'm angry at myself as well as him. I just want the anger to go away. I know the only way past an emotion is through it, but how long will this take? The anger keeps a psychic connection there that I want gone. I want nothing more to do with him - psychic or otherwise. I've already released/erased him from my life magically. Should I do that again?
You have already acknowledged that the anger keeps up the psychic connection, making him a psychic vampire to you still. He is not truly released. That is the beginning.
At one time, I took a good look at my pattern for taking up bad relationships. I had several REALLY bad ones before. I gave myself a ceremony for release.
I took my leftover pictures of all of them. I placed them in the habachi on my balcony, along with several matches.
AND a pot of water. No lighter fluid, though.
"I release myself from the need to fix a dangerous flaw in all those I thought I loved. I release my need to fix them at all costs to my self-esteem, and give myself permission to love myself always."
I lit the pictures and watched them burn. When they were done, I poured water on them and went back inside.
Get to know someone before you give them your heart. Take your time. There really should be no pressure from someone who is truly interested in you for you.

[Calli]

Thanks, all of you. You know, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Am I still processing and learning the lessons, or is it time to let it all go completely? I've read that journaling helps, so I'm going to try that, too. It will either help me identify the lessons or purge the emotions. Thanks for being there for me, all of you. :hugz:

[Gypsyballad]

I am very sorry for what you have been going through. I agree with what everyone else has said. They have given you great advice. Time is also a great healer. Take as much time as you need to heal yourself. You're the one who counts, not him. :hugz:

[Philosophia]

Everybody has given you great advice. Sending healing, positive, and comforting energy to you! :hugz:

[Lunacie]

I don't know what I need. I guess I just need to voice this publicly. I am so filled with so much anger from my past relationship. It's been a couple of months, but I'm still so angry. In fact, I'm angrier now than I was then. I'm just starting to put two and two together and add up just how many lies there were. I detest dishonesty, I really do. But if my past history was any indicator, if you lie to me, I'll love you forever. I'm so tired of being the idiot who believes whatever they're told, even though the evidence says otherwise. Yes, I'm angry at myself as well as him. I just want the anger to go away. I know the only way past an emotion is through it, but how long will this take? The anger keeps a psychic connection there that I want gone. I want nothing more to do with him - psychic or otherwise. I've already released/erased him from my life magically. Should I do that again?

I'm gonna be straight with you here. I think you've taken the first step, letting go of the anger against the one who lied to you and abused your trust.

Now you need to take the next step and let go of the negative feelings about yourself, about letting yourself believe the lies, about letting yourself love someone who wasn't trustworthy. You've learned a lesson the hard way. Next time you'll be less willing to believe the lies and more willing to trust your own instincts.

Give yourself some time to grieve the loss of the relationship - and the dream of what the relationship was supposed to be. But don't get stuck in the anger or the grief. Work through them and then move on. You can do this for your own mental and spiritual health. Sending energies to help you do all this. :hugz:

[Dio]

Calli, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know the pain you're going through. It's so difficult when not only are you feeling the pain of the deceit, but also turning that anger inward because you think you "should have known better". I have had that inward battle with myself a lot.

Please know that you are where you are, right now. You know what you know, right now. And now you can move forward with what you know, and hopefully never let it happen again.

We all get lied to from time to time. Being duped does not reflect on who YOU are. **hug**

[Calli]

I'm gonna be straight with you here. I think you've taken the first step, letting go of the anger against the one who lied to you and abused your trust.

Now you need to take the next step and let go of the negative feelings about yourself, about letting yourself believe the lies, about letting yourself love someone who wasn't trustworthy. You've learned a lesson the hard way. Next time you'll be less willing to believe the lies and more willing to trust your own instincts.

Give yourself some time to grieve the loss of the relationship - and the dream of what the relationship was supposed to be. But don't get stuck in the anger or the grief. Work through them and then move on. You can do this for your own mental and spiritual health. Sending energies to help you do all this. :hugz:

You know, you're right. All of you are right. This is just what I needed. I have noticed that I tolerate less and less with each relationship, and discover the lies sooner. I am progressing, just not as quickly as I'd like. Being too trusting can hurt me, true, but it's not really a character flaw, in the same sense as being a liar is. It's not really my fault. I can and will take better care of myself, but I need to let go of the blame.

I've noticed much less anger since I posted this. Someone's sending me something that's really helping. Thanks for that. I've only had a few anger episodes, and they've been when I've discovered something new he did, like not accepting my decision not to throw my kid out of the house just because he's an adult, and trying to work on the kid, instead. I didn't know he'd done that. I'm so proud of my son's reaction. He laughed and said "Dude, this is my mom's house. You'll be gone long before I will." Turns out, he was right. Smart kid. It was the going behind my back to try to get things arranged his way that pissed me off. He did that a lot, and I'm still finding things out. It never worked, by the way, because my kids would come to me and rat him out. lol But it's the behind-my-back manipulating that infuriates me. When I do learn something new, I'm getting over it more quickly, so you're doing some good, and I thank you.

[Glowy]

Everything has already been said.. so I will just add ((hugs)) Calli, I think you have an amazing spirit, from what I read in all of your posts.

[watersprite]

Actually, Callie, you are doing this for yourself! I couldn't be more proud of you. You are taking the steps you need to take.
These are hard lessons, and it took me a long time to learn them.
When you finish learning your lessons, you will notice that you don't need a partner to make you whole. You are a fabulous, whole person yourself. Obviously your kids already knew that.
A partner is supposed to complement you, not own you or run your life. They are still out there. Take your time and blow off the search. Your personality will find him. You don't have to try so hard.
:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

[Lunacie]

I agree that you're doing the work yourself. We're supporting you and encouraging you, and I know that helps (thank god for the friends who supported and encouraged me - including my daughter), but YOU are the one who is doing the work... letting go of each thorn as you discover it. :thumbsup:

[Y Ladi Wen]

Everyone that walks into your life does so for a reason. There are aspects of our selves that manifest in very specific ways in all our relantionships. I always say that every relationship serves as a trigger for self discovery. Whatever this man did to you it brought forth qualities in you that needed to be faced. What I'm saying is use this experience to your benefit. The anger will subside eventually unless you choose not to let go in which case you will create a blockage in your ability to love again. Trust me I've been there I gave myself up to someone who stabbed me in the back and left me for dead. I was filled with rage for quite some time and was tempted to curse the living crap out of him( among other things:deviltail). but I began to write my thoughts down let them take shape how ever they chose to. Poems, deranged rantings, and ramblings but I got it out and onto paper where I could physically see my pain. It was then and there that I realized that I was a welcome mat for this guy cause I was afraid to lose him. So I began to work on that. And through it all I managed to survive with a couple of bruises. but I'm ok and so are you and I know that you will come out of this a stronger and wiser. I hope I wasn't too forward with my post forgive me if I came on to strong but I just felt like I could relate :hugz:

[Calli]

Actually, Callie, you are doing this for yourself! I couldn't be more proud of you. You are taking the steps you need to take.
These are hard lessons, and it took me a long time to learn them.
When you finish learning your lessons, you will notice that you don't need a partner to make you whole. You are a fabulous, whole person yourself. Obviously your kids already knew that.
A partner is supposed to complement you, not own you or run your life. They are still out there. Take your time and blow off the search. Your personality will find him. You don't have to try so hard.
:hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz::hugz:

I am a wonderful, whole person, at least on the inside. I'm a bit broken on the outside. :weirdsmil I've just been wondering why no man could see that. Now, I don't care if they can't. Those that can't aren't worth one second of my time or thoughts. And there's no search. I'm still deciding if I ever want to go around again. Right now, I'm liking my life just as it is. I think I probably would be open to another round, with the right man - most days. :hahugh:


I agree that you're doing the work yourself. We're supporting you and encouraging you, and I know that helps (thank god for the friends who supported and encouraged me - including my daughter), but YOU are the one who is doing the work... letting go of each thorn as you discover it. :thumbsup:

I like the thorn analogy. That is how healing works. One thorn at a time.


Everyone that walks into your life does so for a reason. There are aspects of our selves that manifest in very specific ways in all our relantionships. I always say that every relationship serves as a trigger for self discovery. Whatever this man did to you it brought forth qualities in you that needed to be faced. What I'm saying is use this experience to your benefit. The anger will subside eventually unless you choose not to let go in which case you will create a blockage in your ability to love again. Trust me I've been there I gave myself up to someone who stabbed me in the back and left me for dead. I was filled with rage for quite some time and was tempted to curse the living crap out of him( among other things:deviltail). but I began to write my thoughts down let them take shape how ever they chose to. Poems, deranged rantings, and ramblings but I got it out and onto paper where I could physically see my pain. It was then and there that I realized that I was a welcome mat for this guy cause I was afraid to lose him. So I began to work on that. And through it all I managed to survive with a couple of bruises. but I'm ok and so are you and I know that you will come out of this a stronger and wiser. I hope I wasn't too forward with my post forgive me if I came on to strong but I just felt like I could relate :hugz:

Again, this is exactly what I needed to hear. Instead of looking at it as more wasted years on yet another jerk, I will focus on that trigger you talked about. I did discover things about myself, one of which is that I don't want to share my space again. I like having my own room, and I don't think I'll ever share it again. There is such a thing as being involved without living together. I think I'll try that next time. *grin* And, as much as I love letting my heart lead, I think I'll give my mind a vote in the future. *nods*

Actually, journaling was suggested in an article I just read. I thought I'd give it a try. It's going to be so ugly, though. So much pain and anger. But better out than still inside me, right? I hate journaling with pen and paper, but LJ's not so difficult. So, I go that route.

I'm so sorry you had to go through so much, hon. I've been abused all my life, no matter how much I've tried to avoid it, or thought I was avoiding it, I always saw in the end how abusive they were. But it was always emotional, never physical. I had one guy who would have gotten physical, but he was afraid of my son. I can't imagine having someone you love stab you. I'm so proud of you for getting past that so well. :hugz:

I know the signs of a control freak, I know the signs of someone who tears your self-esteem down in order to control you, I know the signs of an emotional blackmailer, I know the signs of a physical abuser, and now I know the signs of a passive-aggressive abuser. I'm running out of categories to learn about, that's for sure. ;)

Thank you all for helping me turn this into a "look how much I've learned" experience. I'd been trying. I just hadn't been able to quite get there on my own.

[Stormbeard]

Unleash the rage.
Burn the past.
Punish the future.

[Y Ladi Wen]

I'm so glad I could be of help :smile:. Oh and I'm so embarrased I didn't really mean he stabbed me in the back literally I meant he betrayed me so bad that it felt that way:weirdsmil. Anyways sending you lots of love and plenty of good things!

[Calli]

That's okay. I'm glad you cleared it up, though. You're still a very strong person. :hugz: