Living with Relatives

[FireryWings]

I've been studing the craft for about a year and a half now. I've not dedicated myself to any deity as of yet, I am just learning as much as I can about the different traditions. My father died earlier this year and my mother has remarried. She has married the pastor of her church, who is divorced with three children, all who are considerably younger than myself or my siblings. I am a freshman at a local community college and I live at home. I am trying to learn and discover myself, but it is hard with a pastor living down the hall. Deep down I know my mother will support me in anything I decide to do, and my stepfather is very broad-minded, but there is still this nagging fear that my relationship with them will change beyond what any of us are comfortable with. I'm also afraid of what may happen to my family if the town should get any idea of my practices. I live in the southeast where if you don't go to chuch you are practically shunned. In my very small town, if you don't march to the same drummer your grandparents did then you are doing something wrong. I want very much to come out of the broom closet and be strong in my faith, but I do not want to do anything which will jepordize my family's welfare. Any suggestions about how to let my mother and stepfather know about my religious choices easily? Any comments are welcome. Blessed Be! *S*

[Raevyn]

You could carry around some philosophy and anthropology books and tell them about studying other beliefs, cultures, and people. Then you might say one day "there's this one group, they believe __ and __ and __, isn't that interesting?", and kind of feel your family out on it.

Then one day they might not be surprised that your beliefs are enriched by various cultures and philosophies and you have a wide interest in these things, on an academic level first and foremost as well as maybe a personal level.

I wanted to add, you don't have to "come out" to be "strong in your faith". There is no requirement to be open to everyone about your beliefs, and certainly if it might cause you pain and problems, don't. The Gods don't ask or need such a sacrifice from you, and are probably well accustomed to their children being a bit secretive about beliefs. If you can't think of a solid good reason or two why you should tell your parents, maybe you should rethink telling them for now.

[Mithrea]

Raevyn, that's an excellent suggestion. In fact, that's pretty much what I did with my Mom. While in graduate school, I wrote as many papers on Wicca as I could and then I was lucky enough to take a class on New Religious Movements that was an excellent "cover." ;)

Even so, Raevyn is also right in saying that you don't necessarily have to tell them. Think hard before you do. It may not be worth it.

[FireryWings]

Thanks for the comments.*S* I guess the main reason I would like to tell my mother and step-father about my religious choice is because I've never kept secrets from my parents before. I've always been open to talking about school, friends, problems, ect. But maybe it would be a good thing to not tell until I move out, so that I can practice without interruption. It's gotten a bit hard to find privacy with my new step-siblings.*L* I'll have to tell eventually, I hate the fact that I'm hiding something from the people who mean the most to me.

[Mithrea]

I don't really think of it as "hiding" something so much as just that my path is very personal to me and it's not something I need to share with everyone.

[Pan]

When I first began, I didn't tell my mom. I had one book and it was covered. My mom caught me reading it and asked what it was, all curious as usual. I just told her what it was.

She was upset that I didn't tell her. Then again, I have older sibs and my dad is still with us. She had wanted to be a Witch when she was little, too, which I had not known.

But you don't have to tell your mother or step-dad about it. If you feel there's a right time to tell them.. feel free. But coming out of the broom closet doesnt have to mean hurting your family (if that's what you're fearing), nor does it mean hurting yourself.

Just remember that you don't have to tell anyone. Only if you want to. :)

[MidnightSun]

I did exactly what every website and book i've read says not to do. I walked into the computer room, told my mom that I am Wiccan, and walked out. I told my dad first before my mom because I knew he wouldn't mind..he's athiest. Point is that I refused to hide things from my parents either. Granted it was easier because I had support from my siblings, but I understand you're wanting to not keep it from them.

[Witchy Cowgirl]

FireyWings I understand your point exactly and believe me I know exactly where your coming from. I too live in the South. My dad is a minister and has been all my life. We moved quite a bit as I was growing up.Now my family has settled in the same town as my parents. Which also happens to be the town my folks were raised in. On top of that several of my uncles are ministers and a few of my cousins. Then for the icing on the cake....so was my grand-dad. As a matter-of-fact, he was the founder of the church my parents attend. How do you like them apples?

My parents dont' know my path (that of a Christian Witch) and I dont' plan on telling them - for much the same reasons that you haven't told your mom and step-dad. Basically, I dont' want to hurt them in any shape, form or fashion.
As Mirthrea said my faith and my path is very personal to me. The people closest to me know - my husband, my kids, and actually my in-laws know, even my brothers wife knows, but I dont' feel my parents would understand and so I dont' tell them. That's just my choice. But should I ever feel the need that they know I will follow Raevyn's advise, and excellent advise it is.:)



edited to correct typos

[Moon Daughter]

i'm sorry, i don't meant to sound rude or anything, but if there is something i never understoof and saw as a contradiction, the concept of a Christian Witch would be it.
could you, please, explain to me what exactly it is, and how it works?
..because it just doesn't make sense to me.

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Sure, I'll try to explain as best I can. You see I believe that there is power in nature and that power is there for us to use to help ourselves and our loved ones....it's there for the asking. I worship God and I believe that power was put in nature for us to use by God.
God to me has many different sides, much like a multi-facuted crystal, which would explain all the different races and all the different faiths, as well as explain male and female. I know about the verses, "suffer not a Witch to live." but I also know that the Bible is translated and what one person precieves as a Witch another might precieve as a Healer - meaning that a Witch doesn't have to be an evil worker or have a pact with the Devil - which I'm not and I don't.
I don't believe that only Christians will be in heaven. After all, why would the Divine create beings in his own image only to damn them to hell. And yes, I belive in hell. You see I do feel that is where the evil does are going. You see, I feel that there is room in hell for people of all faiths, just as there is room in heaven for all people as well.
That is just a quick overview and I understand that many feel it is a contradiction, but I don't. I feel closer to my Higher Power over the last year than I ever have in my whole life. I'm a more spiritual person and I feel a better person. I'm happy and that's all that matters to me.:)

Here are a couple of links if you want more information.
http://members.tripod.com/dagwench/christianwitch/my_story.htm

http://members.aol.com/RawnaMoon/index.html

[Emaleth]

Witch Cowgirl, that was very interesting, thanks for sharing your beliefs!:) .

I also live at home with my parents, who don't have a clue about my faith. Well, they do realize that I follow a particular philosopy, they know I believe in reincarnation, that I study the Tarot, that I have a strange liking of candles, incense, that I'm into mythology, and so on. This doesn't worry them, though, many people who are more or less devout Christians also may have similar eccenticities;) ,

What I do is to teach them a bit of the Wiccan philosopy, some things about the old pagan goods and practices, about the meaning of Sabbaths, I also try to explain magick to them.

I don't plan to tell them, not in a long time at least. But I managed to calm down their suspiscions and now I can practice my religion and no one asks any questions, well only my mom's friends want me to do readings for them more and more often, but this I can survive:D .

I second what everyone said here: don't try and tell your family if you feel the time has not come. Or do it slowly, step by step, leave clues, explain bits and pieces of your beliefs so that they don't question what you do.

Blessed Be