In a bad place

[whitewater]

Yesterday at school, I had a horrible panic attack. I've had those before, but this one was the worst I've ever had. I was in the scene shop behind our theatre when it happened, and I got so out of control that I threw open a cabinet and grabbed a boxcutter. I came the closest I've ever come in my life to slitting my wrists. I didn't actually go through with it - I got scared at the last minute and dropped the boxcutter - but I swear to god I almost attempted suicide. And there was no one there. No one saw me. If I had actually cut myself and started bleeding, no one would have been there to help me. That's how I feel every day at school - alone and unsafe. I feel safe with my parents and I have a great therapist, but they aren't always there. I'm so scared and overwhelmed and anxious that sometimes I just want to end it all. I would be so grateful if anyone could spare any energy for me - I need all the help I can get.

[Neville]

Wishing you Calm Serenity.

http://www.dreamstime.com/healing-hands-thumb84269.jpg

[Ariste]

:hugz: I know how you feel and am glad you didn't go through with it.

[Alinea Rainsong]

Sending you warm mom hugs. I have a 17 year old son and I know sometimes the right people aren't around to make you feel safe and secure. Feel free to visit anytime and I can be a virtual mom for a bit. Glad you posted. Keep us updated, okay?

[Lady_Door]

Sending comfort. I would definitely suggest also seeking out an independent counselor to talk to. Sometimes you just need a third party ear to just listen.

[Shawn Blackwolf]

Okay...so , what would Zorro do ?

Whitewater...

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real...

You are more than that...much more...

What a gift you are to this world...just *what* would
we be without you ? A lot less , you know...:thumbsup:

You have to find that hidden treasure you are , and
face your quest , with integrity and determination...

Avast , matey !

Seas may be rough , but ahead , Land Ho !

To the mainsail , and set your course , true , for
this be your most important journey !

No one else can take this one for ye !

Befriend thy shadow , and show it the light !

Thy heart holds the key...and thy soul shall guide thee...

Now...on your feet , dust yourself off...

The road awaits thee ... Adventure ahead !

...Thinking of you...hugz...:thumbsup:

( Still want those pictures )...:uhhuhuh:

[JadeAmber]

I am glad you did not go through it. Panic attacks are frightening especially when they come on for no reason. I will send you good calming energy.

[Amulya]

Glad you didnt go through with it
i know how hard that must have been for you not to do it
please seek some help

you are in my thoughts and sending positive energy

[Brightshores]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: I am so sorry you're going through this. I don't have any practical advice - but I'm here if you need help.

Just remember... W.W.E.D (what would Elrond do?) (sorry if this is insensitive, bad jokes always make me feel better, so I'm throwing some your way :) )

[Sun_and_Saturn]

I have been where you are so I know how you feel. I, too, have considered suicide, and have engaged in cutting/self-mutilation. You said you are seeing a therapist. Is there a counselor at school that you can meet with regularly? Sometimes it does help to have someone to talk to. I hate to suggest this because you are so young, but have you considered medication? I had to be put on Ativan and Lexapro for awhile and I can honestly say that it helped me. At first I felt like a failure for having to be medicated but it REALLY did help. And it wasn't permanent. I was able to be taken off the meds after awhile. I'm glad you did not go through with it. There is so much out there to live for. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk.

[Toki Wartooth]

Yesterday at school, I had a horrible panic attack. I've had those before, but this one was the worst I've ever had. I was in the scene shop behind our theatre when it happened, and I got so out of control that I threw open a cabinet and grabbed a boxcutter. I came the closest I've ever come in my life to slitting my wrists. I didn't actually go through with it - I got scared at the last minute and dropped the boxcutter - but I swear to god I almost attempted suicide. And there was no one there. No one saw me. If I had actually cut myself and started bleeding, no one would have been there to help me. That's how I feel every day at school - alone and unsafe. I feel safe with my parents and I have a great therapist, but they aren't always there. I'm so scared and overwhelmed and anxious that sometimes I just want to end it all. I would be so grateful if anyone could spare any energy for me - I need all the help I can get.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes, panic attacks are just ... unbelievably horrible. You definitely had a bad one there. :hugz:

I suggest you take this up with your therapist. It should be clear to him/her that this is serious, and something must be done about it. If you can, get more frequent appointments, or seek additional help, like from school.

It's true - people are not always going to be there, but your therapist should be giving you various mechanisms of coping as part of your mental "toolbox." The more you have, and the more you think to take the "tools" out, the better off you will be.

My counselor/therapist told me that many panic attacks don't really come from nowhere - there's an underlying reason, even if you just cannot pull it. Maybe you're stressed. Maybe you're not dealing with something you thought you already had. All kinds of things. Even if you can't figure it out, you can get ways of dealing with such occurrences when they arise.

I hope you're feeling better. :hugz:

[Cloaked Raven]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: x 1000000000000000000000

[Philosophia]

Sending healing, positive, and comforting energy to you! :hugz:

[whitewater]

I have been where you are so I know how you feel. I, too, have considered suicide, and have engaged in cutting/self-mutilation. You said you are seeing a therapist. Is there a counselor at school that you can meet with regularly? Sometimes it does help to have someone to talk to. I hate to suggest this because you are so young, but have you considered medication? I had to be put on Ativan and Lexapro for awhile and I can honestly say that it helped me. At first I felt like a failure for having to be medicated but it REALLY did help. And it wasn't permanent. I was able to be taken off the meds after awhile. I'm glad you did not go through with it. There is so much out there to live for. Please feel free to message me if you need to talk.

I actually am on medication...the thing is, it has to be adjusted pretty frequently, largely due to my seasonal affective disorder, which is a bit annoying (understatement of the year).

Addressing the rest of you - thank you so much for your energy and love. Your replies touched me and made me feel stronger. So :hugz: of gratitude all around.

[girlread]

It's best to talk to someone before taking such a step. People do care and would miss you. There is always a solution other than suicide no matter what your age or circumstance.