Iris
October 18th, 2009, 05:53 PM
My partner and I have been together just over 2 years. Recently, I have not been happy, although it took me a while to figure that out.
He wants to make it in the music business...and to that end, is putting in 70 hour weeks working a part-time bar job, gigging all over the country and busking on the streets in between. We never see each other. We live together, but I would literally see him when he crawled into bed and when I got up for work. That was it. Our hours clashed horribly...I tried to ask him to cut down on SOMETHING so we could see each other. His response was "I can't" to which I say "You can, but you won't."
I respect the fact that he has his dream, although I think it is an incredibly unrealistic dream and I am betting that he will realise that sooner rather than later. My thing is, I need security. My partner never knows how much he is going to bring in at the end of the month, and whether he will make rent. I find that really stressful. I have to know where my next meal is coming from. Fair play to him, he does not need that and can fly by the seat of his pants. But I can't live like that. And I have to SEE my partner! I can't deal with this situation where we never see each other, and he does not prioritise seeing me at all. Recently I had talked to him and asked if he could TRY to see me a few times a week. Wednesday, he has the evening off. So what does he do? Invite his friend around to play video games 0_o I appreciate that he needs time to relax, I really do...but at this stage I had seen him for about 30 minutes all told in about 3 or 4 days. I thought we were going to spend the night together. I got so upset I left and went to my friend's house. I just wanted to feel like I was important, like I mattered to him. But I didn't feel that, not at all.
So on Thursday we split up. We have such different goals, and such a different approach to life. Also, we live together, so us splitting up is resulting in us having to move. I have to find my own place - he will go into a shared house, but I own the furniture and also have 4 animals (guinea pigs and chinchillas) and they need somewhere to go! So I have to have somewhere with space to put my sofas, beds...etc...I am NOT giving all my stuff away...and I also will not even think about giving my pets up. I took them on, they are my responsibility. So I need a place with a lot of space, and I am going to struggle to afford that (the cost of living is very high in this city).
At the moment I feel very, very sad about this. It seems like a waste. We love each other...as my sister said, "Why the hell would you break up if you still love each other?" he has been the most important thing in my life for two years. Every day I felt lucky to wake up beside him. And that is gone. And the worst of it is, he is the one I run to for comfort. Who do I run to now?
As a sort of appendum (sp?) to the story, there is another guy. Well there isn't...not in the sense of an affair or anything. Just a friend I have been getting closer to, whose goals and world view seem closer to my own. At the moment I feel pretty clingy, and I'm misdirecting this towards this guy. This is something I need to be careful of...I know logically that I need time to get over this and get myself sorted out (I won't be able to move out until the middle of November at the earliest) and don't want to A) make someone else responsible for my happiness and B) mess up something before it has even begun...that is assuming he would even be interested in starting something when the smoke clears...
*sighs*
What a mess. Thanks for reading x
He wants to make it in the music business...and to that end, is putting in 70 hour weeks working a part-time bar job, gigging all over the country and busking on the streets in between. We never see each other. We live together, but I would literally see him when he crawled into bed and when I got up for work. That was it. Our hours clashed horribly...I tried to ask him to cut down on SOMETHING so we could see each other. His response was "I can't" to which I say "You can, but you won't."
I respect the fact that he has his dream, although I think it is an incredibly unrealistic dream and I am betting that he will realise that sooner rather than later. My thing is, I need security. My partner never knows how much he is going to bring in at the end of the month, and whether he will make rent. I find that really stressful. I have to know where my next meal is coming from. Fair play to him, he does not need that and can fly by the seat of his pants. But I can't live like that. And I have to SEE my partner! I can't deal with this situation where we never see each other, and he does not prioritise seeing me at all. Recently I had talked to him and asked if he could TRY to see me a few times a week. Wednesday, he has the evening off. So what does he do? Invite his friend around to play video games 0_o I appreciate that he needs time to relax, I really do...but at this stage I had seen him for about 30 minutes all told in about 3 or 4 days. I thought we were going to spend the night together. I got so upset I left and went to my friend's house. I just wanted to feel like I was important, like I mattered to him. But I didn't feel that, not at all.
So on Thursday we split up. We have such different goals, and such a different approach to life. Also, we live together, so us splitting up is resulting in us having to move. I have to find my own place - he will go into a shared house, but I own the furniture and also have 4 animals (guinea pigs and chinchillas) and they need somewhere to go! So I have to have somewhere with space to put my sofas, beds...etc...I am NOT giving all my stuff away...and I also will not even think about giving my pets up. I took them on, they are my responsibility. So I need a place with a lot of space, and I am going to struggle to afford that (the cost of living is very high in this city).
At the moment I feel very, very sad about this. It seems like a waste. We love each other...as my sister said, "Why the hell would you break up if you still love each other?" he has been the most important thing in my life for two years. Every day I felt lucky to wake up beside him. And that is gone. And the worst of it is, he is the one I run to for comfort. Who do I run to now?
As a sort of appendum (sp?) to the story, there is another guy. Well there isn't...not in the sense of an affair or anything. Just a friend I have been getting closer to, whose goals and world view seem closer to my own. At the moment I feel pretty clingy, and I'm misdirecting this towards this guy. This is something I need to be careful of...I know logically that I need time to get over this and get myself sorted out (I won't be able to move out until the middle of November at the earliest) and don't want to A) make someone else responsible for my happiness and B) mess up something before it has even begun...that is assuming he would even be interested in starting something when the smoke clears...
*sighs*
What a mess. Thanks for reading x