I feel like I want to die.

[bellamandu]

I don't want this to be my fault.

and I've never felt so alone...

They talk about me like I'm not even here, no courtesy, no respect, no sympathy.

I'm sorry I didn't come from such a privileged family as yours. You have no idea what you have, none of you. So much money in my eyes, in my world, yet you still never have enough of it. None of you have any idea what it's really like to be broke. I'm sorry for not being sympathetic, but take a step in my shoes for once.

I'm sorry my credit history isn't the greatest, but I sometimes people have to do certain things in their life to survive, and then you just move on. It's the way things are in my world.

I want this to all be over. I want to be here for you. I want to feel the way we felt when everything was going to be ok. But if things stay the way they are, it isn't. You might sugarcoat it all you want, but we both know none of this would have ever happened if I hadn't come here with you, and we both know there is no way for me to go back.

I just want it all to stop.

Help me.

[Sun_and_Saturn]

:hugz: This too shall pass. Keep your head up! :)

[Cloaked Raven]

:hugz: x 1000000000000000000000000000000000..........

[mephistopheles]

:hugz:

[Raven Reed]

I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone who came from a family with money, whereas my financial history is not good. It was always a source of tension. :hugz:

[~*Trinity Aura*~]

We loves you mandu!:hugz:

[Falling Star]

sENDING LOTS OF LOVE, AND POSITIVE ENERGY TO YOU! :hugz:

[Incendia]

:hugz:

[sarabethv]

:hugz:

[Lunacie]

http://www.paganforum.com/Smileys/custom/hug3.gif (javascript:void(0);)

[[V]]

Please don't die, Ill miss you. :hairred:

[Crystal Willowtree]

:hugz:

[Bluewillow]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[Fluoxetine]

So they have money. Big whoop to them. They are idiots. If they can not see how you are then send them to the optition. Will they like you less if you had to save their darling sibling form a fire and say you do not care about them? They will respect if and when you more when you do. But for now let them bitch about you. It is not them you are dating is it. So no talk about dying and go off and be the person you want to be. Not the person you see yourself as you are now.

If it makes you feel better you go do it. :hugz: all round methinks.

[Gypsyballad]

:hugz::hugz::hugz:

[trueseeker]

I don't want this to be my fault.

and I've never felt so alone...

They talk about me like I'm not even here, no courtesy, no respect, no sympathy.

I'm sorry I didn't come from such a privileged family as yours. You have no idea what you have, none of you. So much money in my eyes, in my world, yet you still never have enough of it. None of you have any idea what it's really like to be broke. I'm sorry for not being sympathetic, but take a step in my shoes for once.

I'm sorry my credit history isn't the greatest, but I sometimes people have to do certain things in their life to survive, and then you just move on. It's the way things are in my world.

I want this to all be over. I want to be here for you. I want to feel the way we felt when everything was going to be ok. But if things stay the way they are, it isn't. You might sugarcoat it all you want, but we both know none of this would have ever happened if I hadn't come here with you, and we both know there is no way for me to go back.

I just want it all to stop.

Help me.

Honey,I understand and send my blessings,love and light, may you be healthy and become rich and content with you life.There must be a solution for you!warm hugs!:cutie:

[bellamandu]

I am just so frustrated right now. I have cooled off a bit earlier but I had a bit of a breakdown and didn't know where else to go to vent.

I'm sick of the constant belittlement from his family. I honestly don't care anymore how stressed out his father is. It has nothing to do with the way he treats me, and there is no excuse for it.

He is constantly trying to come up with ways to convince Z that I am some con-artist, that I am going to ruin his life, etc etc. And he brings me down constantly to my face. Everything in this house that is wrong is apparently my fault, including Z's dad being a complete and total asshole as of late.

Let's say both me and Z have successful job interviews. Z's dad will tell him "Great, son! I'm so happy for you! etc etc.." On the other hand, I will get 1,000 questions and a lecture as to why my job is a scam (usually because I'm not good enough for it.).

And today, I was so upset today. It was game day, and the whole family was over... but let me start from the beginning.

Z cosigned for me for a credit card. We want to improve both of our credit scores so we can have a decent life together. Well Z's dad found out about this and flipped. Arguments ensued, and we all eventually got over it.

Well, last night while I was in the shower, apparently his dad went through my paperwork on our (mine and z's) desk, which mind you, is a private room to boot. It's not in the kitchen or anything like that, so there was no accidental "my eyes just came upon it" bullshit. He was basically looking for reasons to yet again make me look like a horrible person. Well, he took my credit card application as well as a few other things, locked himself in the bedroom and called Z's brother over. They talked privately in the bedroom about this, then pulled Z outside to lecture him as well. In the end of it all, the three of them were all teary-eyed and apparantly z's dad had a "nervous breakdown" because he is so stressed out about me and keira. Now, to boot, I have to prove to them that I am actually divorced and have custody of keira. Yeah, apparantly I'm lieing about that, too.

Now, initially, I felt guilty for getting upset about it, because of other things that were mentioned, and everything felt pretty genuine about the way his dad felt. But since then, he has been a complete and total ass. Oh, and that's an understatement. I honestly have a hard time believing anything his father says right now.

Like, for instance, today, (getting back to the present) during the game, the whole family was over. All day his dad has refused to speak a word to me, even to the extent that he ignores me if I speak to him. Remember? I'm the bad guy here.

Well, in the middle of the game, during half-time, everyone sits down to eat. I sit down with keira and everyone is conveniently done, they all stand up and leave. So, I sit down with keira. Well, his father starts ranting, casually, right in front of me like I'm not even there, about how I'm going to destroy Z's life, about how I'm in debt and I "kept this from them", rattling off numbers (apparantly he used the information from my credit application to search my credit report, illegally mind you), saying that I'm the reason he's so stressed out etc etc. Basically, making me look like I'm the god damned grim reaper.

I'm secluded from everyone pretty much the rest of the day. First, I was so upset by everything that has happened, and second the fact that his father and brother pretty much acted like I wasn't even there as the trash talking was going on. I knew I pretty much wasn't welcome right at that point, and that if I went out there either an argument would break out or I would be scolded for interrupting their oh-so-important ****ing football game.

The tension has been pretty much the same since then. Now, mind you, not all is lost: Z's mother has been so wonderful to us. She is the only person that has stood up for us every time one of them is an ass to either me or my daughter. Ironically, before we moved here, Z thought I would get along with his father and hate his mother. Phew!

Anyway, point being. I was in a pretty ****ed up state of mind earlier, and I'm still pretty borderline. Z honey, I'm sorry if any of this is harsh, but you know how I feel, and I really need to just get it off my chest ASAP.

It might not seem like much to have to deal with, but being a manic-depressive, the last thing you want is to be made to feel like the most horrible person on the planet for things you can't really help. What makes it even worse is that I had no way to vent, and no shoulder's to vent on. Bottling it up only lasts for so long before you finally implode (or explode). Luckily for his family I suppose, it was an implosion and not the other. That wouldn't have been pretty.


The only way to resolve this is by us getting out of the house, We know that, and we've known it for a while. It's just a matter of whether or not we can last long enough to be able to properly move out, and not be in a worse financial situation than we are now.

There are discussions in progress about possibly moving in with his mom until we can get on our feet, but she has to buy a house first. The biggest concern is whether or not (any of us) can last that long.

I need a ****ing drink.

[Ariste]

:hugz: I had a problem with my MIL for a long time. Now granted I did some things that maybe didn't help. When I got pregnant with Tana she accused me of doing it on purpose to trap her son. Now i found out later that no one ever asked her if I could move in and to her it looked like i just did and I can understand how that would upset her, but at the time BOTH steve and his sister had told me they had asked her and it was fine. But anyways she pretty much treated me like crap and like I was out to ruin her son up until the point where i got pregnant with Kit. Now all the sudden she likes me better than her own daughter. But that was after 6 years of marriage. Honestly over much of that time the only reason that we could be in the same room is because steve stood up to her and told her that if she was going to make him choose between her or me it was going to be me.

I know you are living with him and feel the need to walk on eggshells around him, but that does not give him the right to degrade you and disrespect you like that. If he hasn't already Z needs to have a heart to heart with your father and tell him that he cares about you and you are not going anywhere. People make mistakes and people have things happen in their lives they can't help. That doesn't make you a bad person.

[Lunacie]

:hugz: I had a problem with my MIL for a long time. Now granted I did some things that maybe didn't help. When I got pregnant with Tana she accused me of doing it on purpose to trap her son. Now i found out later that no one ever asked her if I could move in and to her it looked like i just did and I can understand how that would upset her, but at the time BOTH steve and his sister had told me they had asked her and it was fine. But anyways she pretty much treated me like crap and like I was out to ruin her son up until the point where i got pregnant with Kit. Now all the sudden she likes me better than her own daughter. But that was after 6 years of marriage. Honestly over much of that time the only reason that we could be in the same room is because steve stood up to her and told her that if she was going to make him choose between her or me it was going to be me.

I know you are living with him and feel the need to walk on eggshells around him, but that does not give him the right to degrade you and disrespect you like that. If he hasn't already Z needs to have a heart to heart with your father and tell him that he cares about you and you are not going anywhere. People make mistakes and people have things happen in their lives they can't help. That doesn't make you a bad person.

Bella, after reading your last post this is pretty much what I was going to say myself. I've never been in this situation myself (although my hubby's grandmother was a real pain in the butt at times) but I saw a friend's wife deal with this kind of rejection and non-acceptance because of her hubby's family's money. And my friend would not say anything to the family because he was afraid he'd be cut out of the inheritance. Eventually that wife left him and in a few years he remarried. And yeah, the second wife is going through the same family issues. If inheriting the farm and the money is more important than your wife, then the wife must either accept things the way they are or get out. I'd probably get out - there's no guarantee the money will be there down the road, and there's no way of knowing how long you'll have to put up with the crap until it's time to inherit.

He's not a close friend of mine, and there is no way I'd be married to him and put up with the family issues.

[bellamandu]

yeah, Z has tried his best to stick up for me and keira, as has his mother. even she thinks his dad and brother are acting out of line.

it's mostly a matter of: A. trying to basically suck it up so that we don't cause more problems then there already are, and B. the fact that we both know that there's no talking to his dad. He won't listen to a word we have to say whether its how to get to the drug store or how he's acting. He's one of those "I'm always right" kind of people.

Hopefully things go good with my job over the next few weeks and we can just get the hell outta here ASAP. Worst case scenario we're looking at Z maybe getting a temporary non-accounting job until the market picks up here.

[Mama J]

Bellamandu,
First :hugz:s and lots of them. Second, I know you are stuck there and don't have much choice, but seriously, I wouldn't put up with that kind of crap. I'd have a hugging explosion of feelings right over the whole family. F'em seriously! No one, not even someone with $$ has the right to treat another human being that way, especially in front of your daughter. That's not teaching her anything that could be useful later in life if anything its going to teach her that that kind of thing is okay and ITS NOT! Lastly, I've had to put up with people like this my entire life. People thinking that because they had the money that they were somehow better then me. It pisses me off to know end, not because they have money, but because of how they act because of it. I've told a few of these people off including family and they eventually got the picture that I will not stand for being put down or looked down on simply because I don't have the million dollar trust fund. I am who I am and that's the end of it.

P.S. If Z's dad is doing illegal things with your SSN or whatever take legal action, when you move out. That sh*t shouldn't go unnoticed and he the dad needs to be held accountable for what he's done. There are statues of limitation I am sure, but there has to be some sort of clause for the situation that you are in. Best of Luck! Here's to you making lots and lots of $$ to get out of that place.

[watersprite]

Bella, big money creates big paranoia.
If he had no qualms about illegally checking your credit, there is no telling what else he has done. Perhaps you can google him! Get all the shady infor that you can.
I am surprised that "Z" has not made a big stink to his dad. My oldest brother told my Mom that he would not set foot in her house until she took the ex-wifes' picture off the wall and put his new wedding picture up. The one with my favorite SIL on it. I stood behind him 100%