One Eyed
December 15th, 2002, 01:46 PM
This is going to be kind of long and I am very sorry for that but I think it is quite interesting.
Well I should start with a short introduction: I was never really religious except for my younger days in Poland where I thought the Catholic church was simply a warm place and we played games, learnt about history, ate cookies etc etc it was a nice place to go on Sunday and feel good.
In my 7th grade of Elementary school I rejected that faith and went on ‘faith-less’ for a pretty long time until about a few years ago when I found an interest in ‘Norse Mythology’ although it was dominated by the music I listen to there was a feeling of a ‘warrior soul’ within me since a little boy – from drawing mountains and man carrying weaponry with building on fire and water – to as a little boy wanting to have long blonde hair, being tall, strong and courageous – needless to say none of those came true L
But this isn’t what this topic is about….but I think the history to my question is important.
I have had maybe 4 ‘spiritual’ experiences in my life where reality as I know it did not exist.
1. A bit of a silly tale but a few years ago I woke up in the middle of night (which I do not do!) and in front of my bed stood a ‘pink’ floating thing which I have been told I should call ‘energy’ – I was scared of it but I wanted to touch it and when I tried to lean forward and touch it is froze me – all my muscles froze, I could not do anything it’s as if my whole body was in a state of being ‘asleep’ so I started yelling trying to wake up my Mother and when I did that it let go of my body and disappeared and it’s as if it never held me at all – my body just sprung forward and I almost fell of my bed.
2. That same year I was starring at my backyard at night when all I saw across my backyard was a purple cross floating across from one end to another like this: \
I didn’t see anybody carrying the cross but I know it looked like someone was carrying it slowly – The cross looked like it was on fire but it was purplish/pink (I have no idea why this color repeated twice) since I do not know the meaning behind colors too well.
3. This experience has been repeating to me since I was a little boy – ever since I can remember this ‘old lady’ had been coming to see me and been haunting me – She is old and she keeps getting older year by year and the last time I saw her was about a month ago and it was the first time she turned away from me and did not want to look at me (which is a GOOD thing because she manages to scare the hell out of me!) I have been told it might be ‘Baba Yaga’ a ‘witch’ from the Slavic tales but I am not sure if it is her and am definitely not sure of why she would come see me and to scare me.
And the last experience I had was a few days ago and it was the most ‘crazy’ thing I have experienced in my whole life. Recent events are quite troubling for me but I do not want to bore you to death with my ongoing suffering in life but it is the first time I am actually loosing hair L - I guess I have never been this troubled.
Needless to say to make myself sound very weak before going to bed I asked for death – I could never commit suicide but I simply asked for death – I wanted everything I know in this life to simply vanish – I wanted to see what’s next even if knowing myself it is a hundred times worse off then this earth. I went to sleep hopeing I would not wake up – I even made a list of possessions which I would want some of the people to have – where I want my ashes to be scattered and a little letter to explain why I wanted what I wanted – ANYWAYS –
Maybe 2 hours into my ‘final’ sleep I was woken up by a figure in front of my bed. I was only scared for about a minute if not less when I realized this Woman cannot hurt me and she definitely does not want to hurt me. She was mid aged but more young and full of energy, she had long brown hair down past maybe her breasts and she had very rosy cheeks, she was dressed in white and spoke very slowly but very clearly and almost song like. She wore only one piece of ‘jewelry’ which was a wooden necklace divided into 3 separate pieces in the front – I did not see the back of it – I believe the more I think about it that she had her face scarred – almost cut in half – it was not completely visible but she did have some sort of scar across her face.
She told me that I can ask her anything I want but she did not introduce herself (and I was told now that I should have asked for her name) I did not think that was that important – after all this was the first time ever where a woman (perhaps even a Goddess) visited in my room and names at this point where not that important – after all I wanted to leave this earth – and now that I think about it when she was in my room with me it was as if I was not really on earth at all.
I asked her questions regarding the biggest problem I face at the moment which is loosing the only woman I loved and loosing our future kid – she knew the problem before I even spoke about it – and she referred to the woman which I love by her ‘nick name’ and said that everything will be o.k. and that I need to give her time and respect and everything will turn out o.k. – I even managed to get her angry (I have this great ‘trait’ where I can piss off even ‘Goddesses’) she got angry when I told her that it’s not going to be o.k. and that I already lost them both – she didn’t look angry but she told me that my words are untrue and they make her angry. She looked very calm and full of love for my being – I never felt so free in front of a woman either – it seemed she knew all my secrets, all my desires, all that hurts me and all that makes me happy and I really enjoyed that (which I do not enjoy in real life – I hardly open up but I did a few times here and there)
She moved closer to me and told me to lay down and close my eyes, I didn’t close my eyes but I did lay down and she sat beside me and put one hand on my head and the other around my neck and it was like a ‘heater’ it felt so warm (and for the last few days I have never been more cold in my own house!) She talked to me about my ‘heart’, my ‘Mother’ and my soul and she also told me that my wish for death could have came true on this night but ‘they’ did not see it right.
She also made a reference to one god – around my neck I wear a Thorr’s hammer and she put it in her hand and squeezed it almost pulling it off my neck but lightly and said that “He is watching you, he approves and he is there for you” – this was probably the weirdest thing she said. She also told me that she can ALWAYS be here for me and that I know how to call her (yet I have no idea how)
I do not know any spells, anything to summon a Goddess or a God or anything of that sort – I have ‘prayed’ in my life in my own way – usually when taking my dog for a walk- but that night I did nothing of that sort – I just want to bed thinking tomorrow is not going to be here –
She said the problem I am facing will no longer be a problem and that I will receive what I always wanted. I can’t say too much of what she said about the woman which is carrying my kid but none of it was bad but it gave me some insight into her life and stuff which I have ignored even though it was right in front of me for a few years now. She said not to tell her what she said about her and I will respect that and won’t say it. I laid there with her while she spoke to me about many things and then I woke up in the morning and she was not there.
My questions are:
1. Who could have she been? Was it good that she came to see me? Were her intentions good?
2. Should I believe what she told me about my future?
3. How can I call her again – because there is so much more that I want to ask her now?
4. Is it possible that none of this was even real – maybe it was just my levels of sadness have blown up and I am here getting illusions and making up my own dialog?
PS: I have no history of any psychological problems.
Thanks for reading I am really looking for some replies, please J
Well I should start with a short introduction: I was never really religious except for my younger days in Poland where I thought the Catholic church was simply a warm place and we played games, learnt about history, ate cookies etc etc it was a nice place to go on Sunday and feel good.
In my 7th grade of Elementary school I rejected that faith and went on ‘faith-less’ for a pretty long time until about a few years ago when I found an interest in ‘Norse Mythology’ although it was dominated by the music I listen to there was a feeling of a ‘warrior soul’ within me since a little boy – from drawing mountains and man carrying weaponry with building on fire and water – to as a little boy wanting to have long blonde hair, being tall, strong and courageous – needless to say none of those came true L
But this isn’t what this topic is about….but I think the history to my question is important.
I have had maybe 4 ‘spiritual’ experiences in my life where reality as I know it did not exist.
1. A bit of a silly tale but a few years ago I woke up in the middle of night (which I do not do!) and in front of my bed stood a ‘pink’ floating thing which I have been told I should call ‘energy’ – I was scared of it but I wanted to touch it and when I tried to lean forward and touch it is froze me – all my muscles froze, I could not do anything it’s as if my whole body was in a state of being ‘asleep’ so I started yelling trying to wake up my Mother and when I did that it let go of my body and disappeared and it’s as if it never held me at all – my body just sprung forward and I almost fell of my bed.
2. That same year I was starring at my backyard at night when all I saw across my backyard was a purple cross floating across from one end to another like this: \
I didn’t see anybody carrying the cross but I know it looked like someone was carrying it slowly – The cross looked like it was on fire but it was purplish/pink (I have no idea why this color repeated twice) since I do not know the meaning behind colors too well.
3. This experience has been repeating to me since I was a little boy – ever since I can remember this ‘old lady’ had been coming to see me and been haunting me – She is old and she keeps getting older year by year and the last time I saw her was about a month ago and it was the first time she turned away from me and did not want to look at me (which is a GOOD thing because she manages to scare the hell out of me!) I have been told it might be ‘Baba Yaga’ a ‘witch’ from the Slavic tales but I am not sure if it is her and am definitely not sure of why she would come see me and to scare me.
And the last experience I had was a few days ago and it was the most ‘crazy’ thing I have experienced in my whole life. Recent events are quite troubling for me but I do not want to bore you to death with my ongoing suffering in life but it is the first time I am actually loosing hair L - I guess I have never been this troubled.
Needless to say to make myself sound very weak before going to bed I asked for death – I could never commit suicide but I simply asked for death – I wanted everything I know in this life to simply vanish – I wanted to see what’s next even if knowing myself it is a hundred times worse off then this earth. I went to sleep hopeing I would not wake up – I even made a list of possessions which I would want some of the people to have – where I want my ashes to be scattered and a little letter to explain why I wanted what I wanted – ANYWAYS –
Maybe 2 hours into my ‘final’ sleep I was woken up by a figure in front of my bed. I was only scared for about a minute if not less when I realized this Woman cannot hurt me and she definitely does not want to hurt me. She was mid aged but more young and full of energy, she had long brown hair down past maybe her breasts and she had very rosy cheeks, she was dressed in white and spoke very slowly but very clearly and almost song like. She wore only one piece of ‘jewelry’ which was a wooden necklace divided into 3 separate pieces in the front – I did not see the back of it – I believe the more I think about it that she had her face scarred – almost cut in half – it was not completely visible but she did have some sort of scar across her face.
She told me that I can ask her anything I want but she did not introduce herself (and I was told now that I should have asked for her name) I did not think that was that important – after all this was the first time ever where a woman (perhaps even a Goddess) visited in my room and names at this point where not that important – after all I wanted to leave this earth – and now that I think about it when she was in my room with me it was as if I was not really on earth at all.
I asked her questions regarding the biggest problem I face at the moment which is loosing the only woman I loved and loosing our future kid – she knew the problem before I even spoke about it – and she referred to the woman which I love by her ‘nick name’ and said that everything will be o.k. and that I need to give her time and respect and everything will turn out o.k. – I even managed to get her angry (I have this great ‘trait’ where I can piss off even ‘Goddesses’) she got angry when I told her that it’s not going to be o.k. and that I already lost them both – she didn’t look angry but she told me that my words are untrue and they make her angry. She looked very calm and full of love for my being – I never felt so free in front of a woman either – it seemed she knew all my secrets, all my desires, all that hurts me and all that makes me happy and I really enjoyed that (which I do not enjoy in real life – I hardly open up but I did a few times here and there)
She moved closer to me and told me to lay down and close my eyes, I didn’t close my eyes but I did lay down and she sat beside me and put one hand on my head and the other around my neck and it was like a ‘heater’ it felt so warm (and for the last few days I have never been more cold in my own house!) She talked to me about my ‘heart’, my ‘Mother’ and my soul and she also told me that my wish for death could have came true on this night but ‘they’ did not see it right.
She also made a reference to one god – around my neck I wear a Thorr’s hammer and she put it in her hand and squeezed it almost pulling it off my neck but lightly and said that “He is watching you, he approves and he is there for you” – this was probably the weirdest thing she said. She also told me that she can ALWAYS be here for me and that I know how to call her (yet I have no idea how)
I do not know any spells, anything to summon a Goddess or a God or anything of that sort – I have ‘prayed’ in my life in my own way – usually when taking my dog for a walk- but that night I did nothing of that sort – I just want to bed thinking tomorrow is not going to be here –
She said the problem I am facing will no longer be a problem and that I will receive what I always wanted. I can’t say too much of what she said about the woman which is carrying my kid but none of it was bad but it gave me some insight into her life and stuff which I have ignored even though it was right in front of me for a few years now. She said not to tell her what she said about her and I will respect that and won’t say it. I laid there with her while she spoke to me about many things and then I woke up in the morning and she was not there.
My questions are:
1. Who could have she been? Was it good that she came to see me? Were her intentions good?
2. Should I believe what she told me about my future?
3. How can I call her again – because there is so much more that I want to ask her now?
4. Is it possible that none of this was even real – maybe it was just my levels of sadness have blown up and I am here getting illusions and making up my own dialog?
PS: I have no history of any psychological problems.
Thanks for reading I am really looking for some replies, please J