Just not sure what to do...

[WtchyChick13]

I've been so sick for so long now. I thought I was getting better and couldn't wait for today. Meeting that little one who will be a big part of my life was going to be so special. It was going to mean so much to him too.

And yet Friday, the wave started all over again. This has been going on since October and the bad waves seem to get closer and closer now. I have so much to do and this is my favorite time of the year! It's the only time that makes the rest of the year any where near bearable--I don't want it to go to waste. I try to soak up every bit of this season and my weakness is not making that possible.

I've been putting on my "brave" face, but I think I'm a lot sicker than I thought I was. I think Mom sees it now too. I have no color to my face and the fever just won't go away. I can't afford a doctor and don't even want to think about having to go to one.

It was such a major step in our friendship for him to ask me to be such a big part of his daughter's life--I was touched but also honored. Everytime I see a picture of her, I know that I'm going to love her with everything in me. There is a special bond there and I haven't even met her yet. Today was supposed to be it! I've bought her presents. I was looking forward to seeing the family and even willing to put aside my feelings for his wife. But I did not want to get the baby sick. I couldn't live with that. She's so tiny, so fragile being only 2 months old.

I need to get better. I need my strength back. I need an extra week before Christmas! (Ok, that will never happen--but I can dream.)

While all of this is going on, you sent me wonderful messages today. People who liked my work so much that they wanted to buy pieces that weren't even up for sale! A man who doesn't even know me personally, yet was concerned enough to write me a little note to see how I am. Last minute money, that I need so desperately, that will help me to give my mother a Happy Holiday. While I need much more, this is such a great start. I just want to give her the holiday that she deserves. (Of course the best gift I could give her would be my moving out.)

I thank you for the gifts you have given me. The surprises that have appeared to me. For my birdie who has shown me that something as simple as a light can bring joy to others. She gives me such a feeling of love and peace and I can't help but cry everytime I think of just how much I love her and what she means to me. I know she is being watched over by the others--I thank you for that.

I know that there is soooo much going on within my family that I worry about--and rightly so. I feel that I've given too much energy to them and that is why I've gotten so sick. Yet I feel selfish in asking for anything for myself.

However, I ask please, give me the strength to get better. To fully enjoy these days that I've waited so long for. To let each one last as long as they can. And I ask that perhaps some extra money can come to me so that I can spoil my mother just a bit more.



I thank you for your love, your light and your guidance.



May this be so--So Mote it be.

[Faery-Wings]

Blessed Mother, Take Wtchy in your arms and help her to get better. Help her gain her strength as she means so much to so many.

So mote it be.

[MammaStar]

Watch over my Sister. The one who has watched over all of us for so long now. Give her the gift that she gives all of us. Love & light, and all that fun stuff.

So mote it Be. :heartthro

[WtchyChick13]

I thank you for the angel that came today. He helped add a little to the pot. Thank you.

I thank you for my friends and for this place. The support I gain from here takes me a long way. Thank you.

I thank you for the rent not being raised for the first time in 7 years. I was so nervous when I saw that envelope in the mail. Thank you.


It seems whenever I write something here, something magickal happens.

May my prayers continue to be answered and may I be worthy of them.




So mote it be.

[Lavender]

Great Mother, grant Witchy the strength she needs. Keep her strong and safe in your arms. Let it be so.

[WtchyChick13]

I thank you for being with me and for letting me get some things for my mother today. I wish I could've done more...Maybe this weekend.

I ask you to please watch over her now as she too has become sick. I thank you for letting her get the medication that she needs and hopefully, she will get better quickly. The annual tradition of her having bronchitis for Christmas really doesn't need to keep on going.

Please let this full moon before Yule bring me just a bit more to help make Mom's holiday a good one. She gives me so much and this is the one time of the year that I try to give back, even if it's just a little.

For now, I need rest and need to make up for the rest I lost today. That's not going to help me any by losing sleep. Plus whenever I start to feel good, I overdo it and fall two steps behind.

I thank you for being there, for my friends here, for my family, for my baby egg (and for watching over her while I was gone today) and for surrounding me with your love and light.


May what I've asked for here harm none.

~~So mote it be~~

[WtchyChick13]

Thank you.

I asked you last nite if there was a way to take some money from "column 'a'" and put it into "column 'b'" and you provided the solution for me. So thank you.

I still have a bit to do, but I know I will get it done. I'd still like a few more days, but I know that's not possible.

I hope this is not being selfish of me, but if I could get even $20 more coming to me before Tuesday, it would help. I have to get one more thing for my little one's sister and that's it.

I think that I've been able to stretch what I had and I thank you for that. You were there with me when I needed to make decisions and even though I had forgotten my list (I still can't believe I did that) you didn't let me forget what was on it. You kept me focused and didn't let my mind wander to things that she just doesn't need.

Just a few more days to go now and I'm hoping that it will be a Happy Holiday filled with fun and laughter. Hopefully, she will be feeling better as will I.

May this Yule be a happy one and a time to sit and reflect a little bit on what we have and how lucky we are.

Again I say thank you for my friends here--They have truly been a blessing to me.


Thank you again and may what I've asked be so.


So mote it be. :)

[WtchyChick13]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

I asked you the other day if it was possible for another $20 dollars to come to me and you provided! If it wasn't for my baby and my mother pushing me to go shopping with her today to THAT particular store I wouldn'tve been able to cash in my extra change and come up with an extra $18! I couldn't believe it!!!

You have done so much for me over the past few weeks. (I think you are working with Santa Claus here.)

I am now able to finish my shopping tomorrow and make a Merry Christmas for my mother. That's all I wanted to do and now I will be able to do it.

I know that she is still not well and that she is cranky and miserable, but I just have to keep the spirit going. (Although it feels like my birthday all over again with my father.) I need the patience to keep the holiday spirit up. Hopefully, she will be all better by Christmas Eve.

I feel like I've been able to accomplish something, even just a little bit. I cannot thank you enough for it. I'm trying not to think about what will happen after Wednesday. That is for later.

For now, thank you from the very bottom of my soul.

May I be able to keep your love going.

So mote it be.

[WtchyChick13]

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!

I'm so happy about an hour ago and now my back goes out? I still have so much to do!

Please...let it ease up. Let it stop seizing. It can go out on Thursday--just PLEASE not now!

Please let the healing begin. Let it relax. Let it be ok so I can finish the shopping and wrapping tomorrow.

I know that this is probably a sign that I've been pushing myself, but we are soooooooooo close to the holiday!!!


Please let the pain go away and give me the energy I need just to get things done.

So mote it be.

[WtchyChick13]

Thank you.

My back, while still causing me much grief, has eased up enough where I was able to get what needed to be done, done. I was able to shop, buy, wrap and get a few last minute things done around here.

I was also able to shop for my mother and get some extra things for her because of some last minute sales that I didn't even know were going on!

You truly provided for me in ways that were incredible. You helped me to stretch what little money I had into being able to give my mother a happy holiday. (Now, I just hope she likes what I got for her!) :lol:

I'm taking this time now to say thank you. Thank you for your guidence, for your light, for your love--for being there.



May everyone now have a happy and safe holiday.

So mote it be. :)

[Flar's Freyja]

Gracious Mother and Father,

Wrap my sister in your healing light and bless her with strength. So Mote It Be

[WtchyChick13]

Last year was all about closure. I was moving on, I know I was. Today slammed it all back in my face.

First of all, let me start by saying, I'm so sorry that I had to lie about what I believe. That I had to deny YOU. You know I only did it for him and for a very good reason. I know that he fought hard for me to be a part of his baby's life and I wanted to do that more than anything. So for that I'm sorry.

On the upside, it was a very nice day. She and I actually got along and she was happy with what I had bought. She trusted me enough to keep taking the baby when she needed a break and her email to me later wasn't filled with the phony sentiment that it usually is. Maybe, this was some sort of a breakthrough for the two of us.

It was also great to see his family. To be told by his mother that I'm her only TRUE daughter and to have his brother agree really made me feel incredible. I miss them so much. For a while there, I had spent more time with his mother than I had with any member of my family. I don't think she realized how much it meant to me then when she would have me over for dinner to make sure I was eating ok. (That's why I always cleaned my plate!)

But him. Oh him. My best friend, my big brother, my love and of course the biggest pain in the ass of all time all rolled up into one! To see him in his own house with the kids and her in that setting for the first time really threw me. I was so glad there were others there or I would've started crying right then.

Then at the church during the ceremony. I knew he was looking at me and I wouldn't dare make eye contact with him. I haven't been able to make eye contact with him since the wedding--I know my eyes show too much. But the video will show it, I know it will.

At the restaurant was the worst. I was having such a good time with everyone. Table hopping, talking with his big brother (who I've had a crush on since we were like 10 lol), talking with his Mom and just having a great time all around.

But there were times when it seemed more like he and I were the parents celebrating and not him and her. Passing the baby off to each other or watching the older one and making sure she didn't fall down. Asking the stupid everyday "kid" questions like, "has she been changed?" or "did she eat all of her veggies?" It was like BOOM! Instant family! What the hell was that? He felt it to because a few times, we both caught ourselves doing it.

J told me that he's trying to talk him into moving South. I don't know what I'd do if that happened. I know I have been talking about moving North for 10 years, but the possibilities of that actually happening are so slim! I know that because of my big mouth about that fact was one of the reasons it was NOT me today and it was her. But that's a whole other story.

If he moved...I can't even think of that now. I don't want to go back emotionally to where I have been for the past few years. It held me back from doing so many things and halted my life completely. I want to be able to think about this clearly for a change. I want to be free from this and at the same time, I don't.

He's been with me since I can remember. He is a part of me that I will never let go. I still can't believe that it's HIM out of everyone else in the world that still gets to me like this. I hate being ruled by emotion..but can't help it where he's concerned.

I do thank him (and you ) for one thing...Bringing that beautiful baby into my life. I will do my best to be there for her and to always love her and to treat her like my own. It was an honor to be asked and at the same time astounding to think that I'M a god-mother! LOL Who would've ever thought it? Not me, that's for sure.

I want to thank you for my mother too. I don't know how I would've gotten through all of this without her.

I am now going to try and get the rest that I've not been able to get for the past few days because I've been so freaked out about today. Thank you for being there.