Hard changes, son's upset

[brymble]

Well I'm reaching some sort of resolution, but the changes are hitting my kids really hard. My son's a moody adolescent, and he's having an especially difficult time of it.

I've decided not to go west, but instead to return to Rochester, where it's familiar and I have a support system. I started getting sleep again as soon as I started calling apartment listings.

Damien is 12, and he is sobbing and sobbing and sobbing at leaving the country for the city again. He's going to miss catching frogs and snakes and climbing his "magic tree" and the stars and the rail trail and his fort in the yard. He's going to miss his best friend (although he'll be able to see his Rochester friend more.)

We will be moving as soon as I have a place to move to. Rents are so much cheaper; if I get this place on Monroe I'm looking at there will be a separate bedroom for everybody and I'll be paying $225 less. After utilities, I'll still be about $100 ahead. That's a huge difference from the awful financial hole we're in now. Plus I already have resources for office space.

This whole experience has been awful for the kids, the trauma of losing Matt piled onto the stress of moving. I know this will make our lives better, but it's so hard!

[Cloaked Raven]

:hugz: A move can be hard on anyone, especially preteens. I was 19 years old the first time we moved and it was rough on me... And we only moved a half mile down the road.

[Juniper138]

Maybe send him on a hunt for the nearest parks on Google maps and such ...

*hugs*

[Aegun]

Unfortunately, moving round for what ever the reason for kids that age or around it is never going to be easy. I moved around 4 times before I turned 12-13, friggin hard I tell you. But now, I understood the "why's" and "wherefores". Give him time and try and keep him active in what you think he enjoy's. Like, Juniper suggested, and maybe get his friend(s) that he has in the city to tag along/show him around again.

All the best to you though.

[Lunacie]

Yeah, I think it gets harder as the kids get older. We moved from the city to the suburb when my oldest granddaughter was in kindergarten, in the middle of the school year, she didn't blink an eye. But the same granddaughter, who is in middle school now, is very anxious about the possibility that we might move later this year to the north end of town - same town but a different school.

Sending hugs and good energies for this to be a very positive move and change for you and the kids. :hugz:

[brymble]

We're moving to the same old neighborhood the kids lived in as babies, near their father, so they already probably know every nook and cranny of the parks and alleys better than I ever will in my "grown up" stupor.

It's the country we're going to miss, the starry skies, the frogs, the "magic tree" in the yard.

And to be honest, I have very real concerns about city schools. Not so much "bad kids" because the little guy has amazingly good judgement and loyalty to friends and family. It's the adult stupidity that terrifies me:

http://aclu.tv/sites/aclu.tv/modules/custom/aclu/pipeline/pipeline.swf

[RedCoil]

Hi brymble,

I am sorry to hear of the difficulty you find yourself in, but at least you have chosen an option that has financial benefits for you and your family, support systems in place and is allowing you to sleep well again at night.

As for your son: poor little fellow :hugz:

But, while I don't want to dismiss your son's current upset I think you should bear two things in particular in mind: firstly, children ALWAYS feel everything so very, very keenly, often way over what the reality warrants; and secondly, children ALWAYS resist change.

The fact is that a month or two from now he might be happier than ever before, with wider family around him (think of all the cousins, lol) and thousands of potential new friends.

You have to help him to understand that you are doing what is best for the whole family, him included, and that nothing from the past is being "lost", it's all being added to.

Cities are constructed for human living - they have everything readily available, including snakes, frogs, magic trees and stars! Maybe more so. It's actually a really exciting time for your family.

But sometimes excitement and fear feel like the same thing; so perhaps to help him drop his fears and feel more of the excitement, try to involve him in all decisions: looking through the schools available to him, decor of the appartment, having friends to stay when?, that kind of thing.

Nonetheless, however he initially takes it, have faith that you are doing the very best you can for everyone and it will all be well in a very short time after he has seen how many cinemas, swimming pools, sports tracks and gyms are suddenly available to him.

And much Good Luck to you with this.

RedCoil :)

[Lunacie]

We're moving to the same old neighborhood the kids lived in as babies, near their father, so they already probably know every nook and cranny of the parks and alleys better than I ever will in my "grown up" stupor.

It's the country we're going to miss, the starry skies, the frogs, the "magic tree" in the yard.

And to be honest, I have very real concerns about city schools. Not so much "bad kids" because the little guy has amazingly good judgement and loyalty to friends and family. It's the adult stupidity that terrifies me:

http://aclu.tv/sites/aclu.tv/modules/custom/aclu/pipeline/pipeline.swf

That is certainly not a new trend. I was watching a video yesterday, an author with Asperger's Syndrome was giving a talk at a book-signing party. He was talking about how people are so concerned because there seems to be a lot more kids in school that are diagnosed with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders these days than there were when he and I were in school.

And he explained that's because now there are names for these disorders. Before it was the kids who got the names - lazy, stupid, crazy - and many of them dropped out of school or were kicked out, many before they even got to high school. And then there were the girls who got pregnant and dropped out or were told they couldn't attend while they were pregnant. I'm sure there are other reasons that schools used to force kids to quit. Nope, nothing new here.