Stealing Roomie???

[shnen]

I think My roommate is stealing from me... in fact, I know she is. First a pair of shorts, which can only be bought in the US... a friend bought them for me.. I confronted her on it and to my face she swore they were hers... even my best friend knows they are mine...
then the razors... I keep spares, and since I wax I hardly ever use them, I had a full pack of refills, and they slowly disappeared.. at first I thought, naw, maybe I didn't have that many... but when you don't use something and then eesh, they are all gone.. once again, I confronted her, she lies to my face.

So yesterday I was seeing something in her room, she was gone, ane ended up in her sock drawer... well guess what I found... 3 pairs of MY black socks and my handweights... so I took them back... didn't say anything, just simply took them back.

I have told my best friend about this, and it really is bugging me, I can't confront her, because I know she will deny it, and I can't prove it. But I KNOW it.. this is just the tip too, there is tons of other stuff that is mine, not that I go looking for it, I come acrosss it by accident... even my best friend said...
"Shnen, you would give anything to anyone if they need it... and she is taking advantage of you".. its true, and it does hurt.

[Tammy Sullivan]

wow, there is no excuse for that. What are you gonna do?

[shnen]

what can I do but tell her to get her stuff out of my room ( I am the ony one with a closet) and get a lock for my door, and have to hide everything in my room... If I confront her all she will do is deny it... I am at a loss...

any advice would be appreciated.

[materra]

Awwww (((((Shnen))))) I am sorry you are living with this person. I really hate it when that happens.
Now, for the practical.... I hope the heck your private information and important papers are locked up. And your banking cards etc.

[shnen]

NO, I really doubt she'd do anything that bad.. its jsut she's taking liberties on my things... but jsut in case, I will be hiding my personal stuff... *sigh*

[Tammy Sullivan]

that sux, having to hide all your stuff. Maybe you can get a new roomie?

[Old Witch]

That's awful.....just get a lock for your door...........and look for a new roomie...........:(

[Phoenix Blue]

I agree with OldWitch. Get a new roomie. If you can't kick her out, tell her the next time you catch her stealing your things you're going to get the police involved. **Shrugs and smiles** It's a little heavy-handed, but maybe it'd scare some sense into her.

[Stacy]

Yea, definatelly my suggestion would be to look for another roomate if possible..

But in the meanwhile, I would let her know that you noticed couple of times her liberty over your stuff and that you are considering changing a roomate.. Just for her to know to expect that..

[Saphra]

Shnen, I agree with everyone else, get a new roomie, it seems the easiest solution

[Lavender]

If you have to start locking your stuff up & hiding things, it must be hard to feel comfortable in your own home. She's not only borrowing your stuff without asking, but to outright deny that the stuff are yours...that's pure stealing. You can't write your name on every single item you own as proof that it's yours. Yeah, definitely start looking for a new roomie.

[Mnemosyne]

((((Shnen))))

I am sorry to hear that your roommate is so deceivous. Hopefully, your lease is up soon, so you can get a new roomie. At least, you know what is going on right now, so you can keep your eyes open. Oh Shnen, you are going to have to put your name on the labels of your clothes- just like what the mothers do when they send their kids to camp.

[Mythrel]

well, I've never lived where the sky is purple, I'll be your roommate...how's the job market where the sky is purple???

[four]

I would confront your roommate. If she denies stealing, but does it again, I would get a new roommate as soon as possible.

I wouldn't keep any loose bills or change around, either.

[Rubi Waters]

((((shnen)))))
That's horrible that someone you trusted would do that to you!!!! You definately have to lock your room up then. Sad that you have to do that in your own home. If she doesn't like it then She'll end up moving out anyway!

[Sequoia]

that's aweful!!!

I'd tell her that if she did that again, i'd get the police involved. Kick her out, if I could. If it's her place, I'd look for a new roommate. She's done it so many times, and denied it to your face, I don't think talking to her would do much help. If you feel that aweful in your own home, it's time for a new home *hugs*

[Flaire-FireStar]

(((((((Shnen))))))) I'm with everyone else... I'd start by writing my name on all my stuff and/or getting a lock... But would start to look for a new roomie. :(

[WtchyChick13]

Shnen, I've been in your situation. After my aunt died and I got some money from her, I went on a HUGE shopping spree. (I deserved it. lol) Anyway, about a week after this shopping adventure, I noticed that a bunch of my things were "misplaced". I was going crazy looking for these things!

One of my housemates had the room right next to me and things in the house were not going well at the time. To top it off, she had a lock on her door and I honestly never thought to look in her room. I didn't think she would take anything.

One day she was out and left her door open. While I was on the phone with a friend of mine (who had gone shopping with me), I ventured into her room and there were all of my new clothes--some with the tags still on them!

I took them back and put them in my room. I knew that if she noticed they were missing and said something to me, that would be her own admission of guilt. She never said anything and acted like nothing had happened.

Later, she and the other house mate got into a fist fight, the police got involved and she left the house.

Just as things settled down and I was away for Christmas week, my other housemate took the opportunity to turn off our phone, steal half of my furniture and belongings and skip out.

At the time I was devatstated and to this day, I still have trust issues (I wonder why). However the only thing that really hurts is that one of the items he stole was a first edition copy of a book my uncle wrote and then inscribed to my mother. My uncle died a few months later. It is irreplaceable.

I later sued my first housemate for damages and back rent since she left before the lease was up. The other housemate was never found.



My suggestion? Get this person the hell out of your house! I agree with everyone else who said to make sure your personal paper are locked up tight! Make sure you don't accidentally leave an ATM receipt around. When I was in my situation, we didn't have a computer and all of us were tech illiterate. Nowadays, you can't be too careful.

I'm sending big energy and big hugs your way!!! You'll get through this, trust me. :)



(((((Shnen)))))

[Margie]

I hate thives...and liers! Good luck figuring out your situation!

[materra]

Shnen, there seems to be a concensus here, but it doesn't make it easier to do. I am sure we would all be supportive emotionally but we are not there to help. I would recommend when you do talk to her you have a couple of people around as witnesses to the event. Just so you can do reality checks on stuff. In addition if anything goes haywire..they are there to help. Basicly outline her time in your place, what behaviours you expect (No stealing, still doing her share of the bills etc. ) If it is her place... start to find a place you can afford with a good situation. Give notice and get the heck out. So sorry hun, this just really sucks. Oh, and do a police check on a roomie the next time... it seems harsh, but it weeds out the bad ones. Most police precincts will do a wants and warrents check. All you need is the info from their ID.
Warm hugs Shnen...

[MzNeko]

Sheesh, and people wonder why I never want to have room-mates again, now that I've lived without them...

Any chance you can find a place where you don't need to have roomies? Easier said than done, I know.

Oh well, a new roomie sounds like a good idea if no roomie just isn't possible.

[shnen]

Thanks to all (hugs) :heartthro

I can't kick her out, we are both on the lease.
The problem with confronting her is if I confront her while the possessions are in her care, she will deny they are mine, then she gets to keep them, and if I do it while I have them back I have no proof. :(

I think I will end up exploding at her very soon. My best friend is being very supportive...

I would love to live on my own, but I cannot afford it, I lived on my own from 15-25. The reason we moved in together is so I could move out of my crappy basement. *sigh*

thanks everyone for your love and energy... :heartthro

[Witchy Cowgirl]

Here's an idea and it's kinda out there but....
give her things.
I know, I know, most of us can't afford to just go around giving our stuff away.
But give her small stuff, stuff you don't use or want anymore.
Say, "You know I'd like to give you such and such but I can't find it anywhere, but I don't need this anymore so here......"
Maybe it's confus her. It'd be worth the look on her face anyway.
I don't mean do this all the time. Just a little. See what happens while your buying a lock, hiding stuff, and looking for another roommate.

[shnen]

I tried doing that... I have even given her other stuff, and vice versa... its such a strange situation. Like I am not even sure if she realizes shes doing it, but when I confront her she always gets defensive.. even if I am jsut looking for something... not even accusing her.

[Witchy Cowgirl]

((((shnen))))
Hope things work our for you soon.

[Semele]

Hey I know...kick her butt!!!


Or..you know find a new roomie or whatever.

[Xander67]

Sorry to hear about your Situation... I hope you can find a way to resolve this without looseing her as a friend.

[Old Witch]

Put your name and the date on every thing you own.......sew name tags in your clothes......

[Xander67]

:o and start saveing recipts so you can PROOVE things are yours if she cant take you for your word

[Rubi Waters]

((((Shnen))))) how long is your lease????

[shnen]

the lease goes till May.. the worst part is now whenever I misplace tings, I am (in my haed) accusing her right away...

[Silver_Alhena]

I'm not surprised you've started thinking like that...

Has she done this before? Has anything happened recently that would trigger something like this off? I'm not making excuses for it, but if you can work out WHY she's started doing, and work out her reasoning, there may be a way to strike the root of the problem.

Alternatively, tell her that you're now using Moslim Sharia Law in the flat and that you cut the hands off thieves. Talk loudly about your machete.

[shnen]

well I put a note in my sock drawer saying something along the lines of:
"Stop taking my stuff, I know you are doing it, and I will not stand for it".

So if she isn't doing it, then she wont find it, but if she is, then she will and KNOW I am watching her...

so yesterday I go to my drawer and yes.. the note is GONE!

so next I am going to tell her if she doesn't stop I will be taking all her stuff out of my room.. (i am the only one with a closet), and I will be putting a lock on my door.
:mad:

[Phoenix Blue]

Hon, she's already shown she has no interest in stopping. You have a good plan. . . but skip the wait and follow through as soon as you can.

[materra]

And don't bother telling her....she'll continue to steal and continue to deny it. Just get all your stuff from her room, and a good lock on your door at the same time. And get in the habit of putting your purse, back pack, or briefcase and such in your room immediately...and locking up. ((((Shnen)))) Sorry you need to do this hon.

[Dravius]

(((((shnen)))))

Ouch...if that note disappeared from you sock drawer, thats pretty much a blatant admission of guilt on her part...otherwise why the heck was she browsing through your dresser?

Last time I roomed with anyone, they dipped out and took a queen-size sleeper sofa and a microwave while I was gone to work =/. Police never found 'em either. Now I'm living back at home with my parents while I save up to get a place all my own. It sucks, but at this point, considering how fed up I am with the human race (fellow Mysticwickers excepted :) ), I'd rather live in a basement than share a luxury apartment with people I can't trust. Hope things work out for you though!