Gotta let it all out

[Magion]

Just realized that I really have no one to go to to talk to :/
It just hit me when a nurse pulls me from gym and told me I need someone to talk to. My life has been crazy and I am trying to ride it instead of getting help, mostly because I don't want to sound like your average...how do I say it...Chicken Soup depressed teen story? Am I depressed or am I naturally defiant to all my teachers and parents and adults? My step mother almost took out my head on Saturday with a bat, I don't even want to be home because of that. it s like while I have a room with a bed, I don't have a home. It probably doesn't make sense and right now I am just babling on and boring half of ya but for some reason, maybe its because you guys I can actually express my feelings with even thought i don't know half of you well. Thats the wonderful thing about Wicca, i think. I am more open to this group than to my own parents. Or maybe its because I am hiding behind a computer screen so i feel more safe to just let it all out?
Am I stressed? My father thinks I am just lazy and I don't care. I do procrastinate and I do not even do my work. Am i really too lazy or am I so overwhelmed I just don't care what happens anymore. I work part time and my boss just gave me more hours and I am happy about it, more time at work then home. Is it normal to want to be at work more then home? Usually its the other way around. Especially since I often mess up orders (cashier at a fast food restaurant). But I am never defiant to my bosses. I am never defiant to my father. I respect my father a lot, I look up to him. I can't really say the same about my step mother though I know she tries her best and did a lot more than my mother but the thing is... She almost bashed my head in with a bat. She often curses me out as a means of discliplining.
Sorry for boring ya guys on, just need a place to let it all out. :/

[TygerTyger]

Then let it out...

No harnm doing it on here and it might help you get things in perspective.

:thumbsup:

[Caitlin.ann]

I agree with Tyger, let it all out. Unfortunately, I can't relate so I can't help much further than offering encouragement. :hugz:

[Magion]

Good because I have a lot of steam to blow ^_^. And yeah, you are right, there is no harm done doing it here as opposed to talking to that nurse. I know she wants to help but I know their policy and i don't want them to contact my parents and cause other unneccesary problems because they think i live with unfit parents or what not.

[Caitlin.ann]

Good because I have a lot of steam to blow ^_^. And yeah, you are right, there is no harm done doing it here as opposed to talking to that nurse. I know she wants to help but I know their policy and i don't want them to contact my parents and cause other unneccesary problems because they think i live with unfit parents or what not.

Do you live with unfit parents? I mean trying to take your head off with a baseball bat doesn't sound like one of the best parenting techniques, neither does cursing you out.

[Magion]

No, they are not unfit parents and its not them, its me because its always me they curse at. My siblings rarely get in trouble because they are always in the right path doing their work, chores, etc. They are tired of me. Its as simple as that.
They don't know what to do with me and quite honestly I don't know what to do with myself. I set myself goals I will wake up one mornign and say I will come to school with a new attitude but i go to school and I am my old, defiant self. I am tired of them being tired of me. Its like a never ending cycle. (I never been this open before -_-)

[Caitlin.ann]

No, they are not unfit parents and its not them, its me because its always me they curse at. My siblings rarely get in trouble because they are always in the right path doing their work, chores, etc. They are tired of me. Its as simple as that.
They don't know what to do with me and quite honestly I don't know what to do with myself. I set myself goals I will wake up one mornign and say I will come to school with a new attitude but i go to school and I am my old, defiant self. I am tired of them being tired of me. Its like a never ending cycle. (I never been this open before -_-)

Sounds, quite frankly, like teenage angst to me. Are your siblings young enough to not be at that stage yet, but you are? Could be it. You could also be battling depression.

Although we can't diagnose such things, and I'm not trying to at all, I would consider talking to a counselor.

[Magion]

Sounds, quite frankly, like teenage angst to me. Are your siblings young enough to not be at that stage yet, but you are? Could be it. You could also be battling depression.

Although we can't diagnose such things, and I'm not trying to at all, I would consider talking to a counselor.

One of my brother is 16. He always had been the one to be straight and I always had been quite the rebel throughout our childhoods. We had been through a whole lot as young children living with our biological mother. Times were tough and we would eat little to nothing each day and we were often left home alone all day. Thats just the basics of our tough childhood. We had no guidance but my brother was always the good one by nature while I was the bad one. -_- Our father stepped in and gained custody of us while I was 9 and we lived with him, stepmother, and baby brother ever since.
Though I had changed a lot, some remmants of my childhood traits do remain (particulalry the rebel traits). Maybe I was always the rebel because I needed to be strong for my little brother or maybe its just out of nature that I came out like my mother. The latter does make sense because just like her, I am messy and disorganized. (I want to change that as well but quite honestly as long as i know where my stuff is, that is least of my worries. Sorry if i sound like a pig to ya) My brother came out as our father. He is the responsible one and always does the right thing.

[Adamantea]

:hugz: You are stressed, but venting all out does some good for ya.

[Catiana]

You probably won't like what I have to say, but if you step-mother assaulted you with a bat, or attempted to assault you with bat, then it needs to be taken to another level. I don't care whether you were being difficult or not, its unacceptable for a parent to come after a kid with a bat. You didn't deserve it and it was wrong, regardless of how "tired of you" they are. Talk to your school nurse, and tell her what happened.

[Magion]

She did apologized for going off like that and she admitted she was wrong. Though this is not the first time something like this occured. There was a similar scenario back when I was probably around 13 or 14 where she slammed me to the ground. My father acted on rage when, after I was forced to have a bar of soap in my mouth for "talking back" (the rebel in me is always alive -_-), I still spoke back despite the soap in my mouth. He pounded at my back a couple times. Those were the only rare incidents I can recall and they acted more on anger

[Magion]

It just dawn to me that the more I think about it, the more I realized I am in a deep pit of frustration due to my childhood and the tensions that only builds between my step mother and I. I want to talk about it to someone but there is really no one to talk to. My father is the first person i would think of but he admited himself that if it was between me and my step mother, I would be the first to get the boot. While I clearly will not be able to support myself, the thoughts of leaving and just being on my own is tempting. The night where she almost assaulted me with the bat was the night I was so close of packing my bags. My close friend convinced me to ride it out a bit longer, but how long can I take it? I really don't want to talk to the nurse for several reasons: As soon as she predicts domestic violence, then by school policy, she has to get the authorities involved, and while she wants me to open up to her, I just don't feel comfortable talking to someone i barely know. ( yet I am sharing this with a site full of people I barely know. Sounds contradictiiory but this is different).
What scares me that if in the past she curses me out and occasionally uses her fist, and just recently she used a bat, then what will be next as she grows more tired of me and as tensions climbs steadily? My only options are:
1) stick home for as long as possible and ride it out
2) leave and try to live on my own
3) Start clean and move in with my biological mother in florida

[Magion]

Got arrested for shoplifting yugioh cards. 78$ worth of them. Court date monday, and afraid to tell my parents. I feel alone and afraid because i dont know what to do. Tey talk about damascus road experience recently at church. This is it, i expect. I feel like crying and just screaming to let out all the frustration and anger that has recently been building within me. I feel like running away somewhere where no one can find me. I feel like just dissapearing and never coming back. God, i need help