I feel pulled in all directions...

[Adalai]

and yet I am lost.

I want to connect with a specific God/dess and it's just not happening. Meditation, dreaming, looking for signs.. nothing. I am not suggesting that I need to be chosen, but I don't even feel a pull towards any one culture!!! Let alone a God/dess.

I have read, and read.. and read.. and read. I have read my brains out. Researched online, read forums here and nothing strikes me as .. "ooh.. that one stands out" nor do I notice any one God/dess that I get excited about.

I discussed it with my husband who is not polytheistic and off the cuff one day he said .. "You need to find a pantheon that focuses on the elements." and he's exactly right.. that's what I need. I connect with forces of nature and elements (earth, air, fire, water, storms, lightning, polarity, etc.. I dunno) ....far before a Goddess of Healing, God of War, Goddess of Fertility.. etc. And while I know that most pantheons have a God of Oceans/Seas, or Goddess of Fire.. what have you.. the cultures the deities come from are getting in the way of my brain and my heart.

I feel totally alone in this thinking... and am afraid I will never have a name to call them. I've been trying with just "spirit of water", "spirit of earth", but I'm realizing that I believe that names are powerful and I need a name for them.

Does what I'm looking for.. exist anywhere? Or.. do you have suggestions otherwise?

Do I need to go make an Adalain Tradition .. lol.. *sigh*
Thanks for letting me rant :bigredblu

[Cielamara]

Sometimes you just have to wait, honestly. It may just not be the right time in your life for you to have a defined relationship with a deity. It's okay to simply call them "Lord" and/or "Lady" or "God" or "Goddess".

[Sakurako]

I had the same issue for years. I never felt called to any god/dess in particular nor was there one culture that I felt an affinity with. For me it never did happen. The more I searched the more distant from my spirituality I felt. I wish I could give you an answer or at least an explanation but I feel that it's something that takes time. I waited years and years before everything finally clicked and fell into place and that only happened when I abandoned my search for a particular pantheon, flitted around for a little, then started 'searching' the inner me, if that makes any sense. When I was ready, the path that was revealed to me was so blindingly obvious that I can only laugh at myself when I think back to how frustrated I was sometimes. I can say though that it was well worth the wait as I wouldn't have been able to give of myself to my path deservingly a few years ago.

[Adalai]

Cielamara -- *sigh* This is true and very sad.

EarthlyOne -- You are very right. I just said to my husband tonight that when I first discovered paganism, I just accepted the greek pantheon as it. It was hard to fit into it but it was exciting. Now, it's so much harder as I have a better understanding of what I think and believe in.

I know to some that it may appear that I'm looking for a label.. and in a way I am. I'm looking for something more specific so I can find like-minded people. Not that ya'll aren't lol... but I hope someone can understand why one would want too and find a more specific like-minded group of people than just the tolerant. :) lol

[rawrTigress]

It's fine to look for something more specific. Everyone needs a foundation. I think EarthlyOne has something with looking inward. The truth is you already know your specific path. It is in the inner self. Perhaps writing down what you know to be true for you, using your intuition to define your beliefs then finding something that rings true in all of it.

[CelticMoon11]

Irish celtic patheon, that's what you need, honest :D hehe kidding.

Took me years of seeking, reading and starting at teeny bopper wicca, to more serious wicca, to "celtic witchcraft/hedgewitch" to neo-druidry. It's been nearly 10 years in the making, just keep reading, flicking through and see where you go from there.

[Adalai]

Thanks everyone, really! I appreciate it!

To be honest, Celticmoon, that's where I've been most recently. I was looking into Celtic Recon and Druidry and I love the idea of it, especially since my family heritage is Celtic.. but I have SOO many issues with the names of Gods (pronouncing them) and the folklore just had my head spinning. Seriously, I got lost in pronouncing everything like a child.. I seriously need a kids' version just to grasp the point. lol

I haven't given up on Druidry.

[CelticMoon11]

If you need some direction, I'm still a beginner I can help with the basics. Pronounciation isn't too hard once you know a few basic rules. I have a book that has a page that tells you how the letters are pronounced I can scan and email it to you if you like? The stories are really long and complicated, that's why I don't bother with the intricate details, I just try and get the "gist" of what happened and what they were "really" trying to say. I.e. Manannan's crane bag story = ogham bag and the importance of knowledge

[electricpeppers]

Well, the early Persians (pre-Zoroaster, and some time after Zoroaster reformed Persian religion) according to Herodotus worshipped the 'sun, moon, earth, fire, water, and the winds.' (Book I. p 131, The Histories).

There are gods who rule these areas, but it's unknown how much personification was involved -- Tishtrya is the god of rains, Vata a god of the winds, Anahita the goddess of the waters etc. There's a strong amount of reverence for fire in Persian culture. I think they worshipped fire as a personification, Atar. There's also Haoma and Ameretat who represent more abstract concepts.

That's probably all very useless to you, but I think it's worth looking into animism and land spirits. I know culture has eluded you but I'd advise you to persevere. Cultures gives one a powerful framework in which to view the world, one that's more grounded and rooted in a steep history. You can look at your own cultural heritage or perhaps think about what you'd like from a religion/spiritual path, do any cultures have similar views? Norse/Germanic Heathenry is very animistic, for instance. Think about your research. I've found it helpful in the past to write down exactly what I believe at the time. Writing things down helps clear your brain a bit. Are there any aspects of certain cultures that appeal to you in some way? This could be anything from the gods themselves, the images in the myths, or simply the morals etc.

It is horrid and sometimes it's hard to see the wood through the trees but spiritual pursuits are never straightforward. It may well take a very long time to find something that truly resonates with you -- that's ok though. There's no rush, enjoy the seeking experience.

[electricpeppers]

I would add, that perhaps you should have a look at Religio Romana as they also had a somewhat animistic view of divinity. Before they were influenced so heavily by the Greeks, they didn't anthropomorphise the gods. In fact, they were seen 'as numina, divine manifestations; faceless and formless'.

novaroma (http://www.novaroma.org/religio_romana/deities.html)

They also paid cult to Genius loci 'spirit of place'.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genius_loci)

[Adalai]

I would add, that perhaps you should have a look at Religio Romana as they also had a somewhat animistic view of divinity. Before they were influenced so heavily by the Greeks, they didn't anthropomorphise the gods. In fact, they were seen 'as numina, divine manifestations; faceless and formless'.

novaroma (http://www.novaroma.org/religio_romana/deities.html)

They also paid cult to Genius loci 'spirit of place'.
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genius_loci)

That's all very interesting... and I had not even thought of the Persians.. how silly of me.
Thank you for the suggestions and the link! :)

[Lupabitch]

So--why not just connect to the various phenomena in nature without the abstract intermediaries that are deities and spirits? For example, your body contains the four basic elements--Earth in your bones and flesh, water throughout, air in the blood, cells and breath, and fire in metabolism. And so on.

[IanCorrigan]

That's all very interesting... and I had not even thought of the Persians.. how silly of me.
Thank you for the suggestions and the link! :)

And further east still (but still Indo-European) the pre-Hindu Vedic tales have straight-up deities of the 8 directions/elements of nature, as well as of the human and cosmic realms.
Nice starter chart Here: http://www.tientai.net/teachings/dharma/6realms/33gods.htm

[Circe3]

Perhaps the problem is you're focusing too much on a specific or a specific type God/dess and they're letting you know they're not for you. Perhaps you need to be open to other God/desses. Perhaps they're trying to teach you patience; take a deep breath, relax, feel.

[Strawbearry_PANDA]

Just a thought because it's what I'm interested in.

I don't know how you feel about the fey, but they focus greatly on elements. I've not ever heard of a specific God/dess in that area, so you don't have to worry too much about, but rather, the entire race of the fey. You build relationships, and work with many aspects. It is a risky area but treated right, it can work greatly. I had the same problem but when I delved into that specific area it really called out to me.