Kaii
May 17th, 2010, 12:50 AM
Okay, so I don't know if that is the right place to put this thread, but i wondering if anyone could help me understand what is going on.
When i meditate i 'breathe in' love, and kindness, and connection to the earth, and appreciation for all that i am given, and happiness, etc. And i 'breathe out' pain, and hatred, and violence, and ingornance, and negative feelings basically.
I try to 'feel' the positive emotions fill my body, and the negative leaving. But i cannot seem to get my heart to fill with them. No matter how much or little i try, how long i meditate, or anything.
I used to be really receptive, of those around me, and really envolved with my freinds, and really apart of life, but now i find it hard to do any og that. I had a time where i was baddly in depression, and all i did was go to schhol, come home, cook for my fam, then go to bed. I was in bed by 6 and asleep every night. I moved out from the situation, and i got some enthuasisum for sports and things, but not much really.
I know i am not depressed, maybe just beat down still, I really dont have much self confidance, or esteem, but i am happy most of the time. But since then i have changed from a social monkey, to someone who would rather stay home and read, or write.
It hard to get up off the couch to go see freinds, because i feel like a completly different person, and i dunno i feel dijointed from everything.
It feels like a shield has been created to protect me from feelings and enthuasism, and a want to move forward. Not a days it seems like unless i have to, i don't. I can't even motivate myself to write my nove anymore.
does anyone know some things that might help me get motivated, to break this block or shield. It's a physical pain, the longing to connect again. I've tried alot to just do things, but i cant seem to break the shied.
My heart yurns to really connect to my Goddess, and friends and family, and to do things again. to connect to the earth like it used to, to the moon, etc. but becasue of the block I cant.
Call me stupid and crazy if you want. It's had to explain, but it does feel like a block, and unless its a retardly strong emotion i don't feel it, even for myself. And i dont feel thme unless i activaly think about my emotions and even then its only like a brush, or the prinnk of a needle.
When i meditate i 'breathe in' love, and kindness, and connection to the earth, and appreciation for all that i am given, and happiness, etc. And i 'breathe out' pain, and hatred, and violence, and ingornance, and negative feelings basically.
I try to 'feel' the positive emotions fill my body, and the negative leaving. But i cannot seem to get my heart to fill with them. No matter how much or little i try, how long i meditate, or anything.
I used to be really receptive, of those around me, and really envolved with my freinds, and really apart of life, but now i find it hard to do any og that. I had a time where i was baddly in depression, and all i did was go to schhol, come home, cook for my fam, then go to bed. I was in bed by 6 and asleep every night. I moved out from the situation, and i got some enthuasisum for sports and things, but not much really.
I know i am not depressed, maybe just beat down still, I really dont have much self confidance, or esteem, but i am happy most of the time. But since then i have changed from a social monkey, to someone who would rather stay home and read, or write.
It hard to get up off the couch to go see freinds, because i feel like a completly different person, and i dunno i feel dijointed from everything.
It feels like a shield has been created to protect me from feelings and enthuasism, and a want to move forward. Not a days it seems like unless i have to, i don't. I can't even motivate myself to write my nove anymore.
does anyone know some things that might help me get motivated, to break this block or shield. It's a physical pain, the longing to connect again. I've tried alot to just do things, but i cant seem to break the shied.
My heart yurns to really connect to my Goddess, and friends and family, and to do things again. to connect to the earth like it used to, to the moon, etc. but becasue of the block I cant.
Call me stupid and crazy if you want. It's had to explain, but it does feel like a block, and unless its a retardly strong emotion i don't feel it, even for myself. And i dont feel thme unless i activaly think about my emotions and even then its only like a brush, or the prinnk of a needle.