View Full Version : Advice... please

January 6th, 2003, 09:21 PM
okay, i'm begining to think i may be Bi-polar or something (how ever you spell it) My mother drives me completely insane on many levels, it s liek she cannot except who i am. She always goes into an emotional huracane whenever i try and aproach her about something that she doesn't like.
Theo other day she drove me into a state where i was mad at everyhting, horribly depressed, and tears where rolling down my cheeks... i hate to tear apart my room to find my CD player and headphone so i could blast music in my hears, because i needed something loud... after i got my music, i calmed down and was perfectly fine... it was like an explosion...
My mother seems totally unaprochable.... she's not a Zealous Christian or anyhting, but she hates my being Wiccan, and likes to pretend its mroe of a stage then a religion, when i told her i was Wiccan, she told me i betrayed her, and blah blah blah... that conversation didn't end well...
i don't know what to do, my mother is really unstable, my closest two friends are convinced there's something wrong with her...
I was burning Sage in my room last night to release tension after my little episode, and she came in and acused me of being hihg and said it smelt like weed, when i told her it was just sage, she told me i was wrong and she knew what weed smelt liek and it was weed, and whoever gave that to me, made it at home and put weed on it to get me high without my knowing -_-
it was a christmas presant a friend bougth me at our local occult store... *sigh* i just dunn what to do....
I feel the edges of my sanity slipping
Blessed Be

Flar's Freyja
January 6th, 2003, 09:48 PM
If I were seeing you on a professional basis, I'd have lots of questions; for instance, are you the oldest, in a single-parent family, etc. Without knowing a lot more about your family situation, all I can offer is to suggest that you do what you can to balance your relationship with your mom. If she's this upset by your choices, perhaps you shouldn't discuss them with her, even if you'd like her support. Religion and lifestyle are very touchy subjects with some parents.

If your mom is under a lot of stress otherwise, it wouldn't be surprising for her to overreact to something like this. Intuitively, I'm picking up that you love your mom and want to have a close relationship with her and would like her to support you. It might be best to do what you can to keep the peace, like doing your assigned chores without being asked or doing something sweet for her.

If it's really unbearable, perhaps a school counselor could help point you in the right direction. Some school counselors are able and willing to do a few counseling sessions for families.

January 6th, 2003, 10:44 PM
i was an only child for 12 years, and my mother is a single parent...
i see a psychiatrist, because my mother thinks i'm suicidal.
My mother over reacts about everyhting, i made a joke to her a few days ago and as i recall she said "shut up, it would be nice if someone didn't hate me" all mad like... there are a lot of instances where she blew up at me in front of friends, and half the time, they can't even figure out what i did wrong... I seriously think i'm Bi-polar, or possibly a dramatic depresant...

Yvonne Belisle
January 7th, 2003, 03:31 PM
It sounds more like she may need help than you. If you are already seeing a professional talk to them about your concerns and see if they feel family counciling would be more constructive. They may be able to help find the middle ground for you and your mom.

January 7th, 2003, 10:07 PM
the first time i went to see my counselor, she told my mom she may want to concider seeing a councelor herself... and i don't think my mom will go to group, she's had the option before and refused... im just so confused and frustratd...

Flar's Freyja
January 7th, 2003, 10:46 PM
I agree with Yvonne. You keep saying that you think you have a problem but it sounds more to me like your mom needs some help. If she is not agreeable to that, then all you can do is to seek support for yourself and this could lead to her getting the help she needs.

Please keep us updated on how it's going.

January 7th, 2003, 11:56 PM
well my mother is seeing a psychologist, but refuses to take anti depresants because she doesn't want her to gain weight... she blew off her last oppointment because she didn't want to go, but doesn't really talk to me about her appointments...
though she expects me to tell her everyhitng i say to my phycologist and get s mad when i wont... grr... sorry.. .i get a bit annoyed... but yeah, i'll keep you posted, i'm hoping things will get better after her surgery... somehow i just think she's usign that as an excuse for her insecurity

January 8th, 2003, 08:24 AM
Hi fire_Raven.

I have to agree with what Yvonne and Freyja have said. You sound like a very normal teen who is living in a stressed filled and unstable environment. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, I truly don't mean it that way. It does sound like you love your mom, but you are confused because she is..well... confusing you. I know you said that she most likely wouldn't go to group counseling. Is there any way you could get your two counselors to do a joint session every once in a while?

And I support you in not wanting to tell her about your appt's. What you say to a therapist should stay with a therapist, unless you *choose* to talk about it.

I hope things get better for you both.
Please keep us posted, K?


January 8th, 2003, 08:43 PM
i do love my mother, and struggle not to hate her... i hate saying it -_- it bugs that i have to try and not hate her...
she goes to counceling but she quit last time because they wanted her to join a grounp, then my counselor told her she should concider seeing a theripist... so she did... but my mom doesn't think she has a problem, she thinks it is the world that has problems...

Flar's Freyja
January 8th, 2003, 11:27 PM
My mom was like that, and she lived a very miserable life. I was a bit like her for a while but was given opportunities to learn that there was something very wrong with the way she viewed the world. It sounds like you already know that, and just by recognizing a problem we have already made a large dent in resolving it.

I have to agree with what Chryssi said in that your feelings toward your mom and her behavior are confusing you and a young person should not have to deal with that. It sounds like you are taking some positive steps and it might take some time, but I do think that everything will balance out eventually.

Try to look at this as something that can help you in your own spiritual growth and use the things that you can learn from it.

January 9th, 2003, 12:38 AM
yeah thanks... i'm trying to keep a positive outlook about it... but i happen to be something of a pessimist at times... and it doens't hep that i get crap from my grandma like "your mom is trying so hard, and you don't help at all."
I used to be ableto talk to my Grandma about anyhting... now i can't, so she assumes i'm a heroin addict or something... everytime i'm alone with her "what did you take? i can tell you're high".... grrrrrrr -_-
I seriously can't wait til i'm 18

Yvonne Belisle
January 9th, 2003, 06:14 AM
If you truely haven't experimented with anything including pot then one way to get them to back off on drugs is to tell them you want to take a hair test. It is expensive but will show several months worth of if you have or haven't done anything. By taking that you could silence the drug accusations for a little while at least.

January 9th, 2003, 08:00 AM
i do love my mother, and struggle not to hate her... i hate saying it -_- it bugs that i have to try and not hate her...

Just to give you some hope... it can get better. I was like this with my dad. When I was a teen, I could not be in the same room as him. We would just start brawling. But today- he and I get along great. It took me going away to college, being on my own for a few years before I could appreciate him. Now that I have kids of my own, I see things from a whole new perspective. Not that I agree with much that he did back then, but I understand why.

And Yvonne, good idea! If you can't afford the hair test, would a simple pee test work? I know they have at home test kits for sale now too.

Yvonne Belisle
January 9th, 2003, 12:54 PM
Most parents know there are tricks to getting a negitive reading on those even if they don't know how. The other problem could be the parent just assuming well so she didn't take anything today. :(

Flar's Freyja
January 9th, 2003, 03:14 PM
I really wish that fire_raven lived near me. I have a friend who runs a drug testing lab with a test that can not be defeated - because it will also show what has been taken to try to beat the test. It can also show the exact levels of a drug in someone's system, so it actually protects them. For instance, if they say, yes, I had a few hits at a party three weeks ago - the test would show a level of marijuana that would indicate if they smoked three weeks ago or just yesteday.

That post gave me a not so nice deja vu. My mother used to say the same thing to me :(

January 9th, 2003, 09:54 PM
yeah, but i've got friends who smoke weed, and i was over there and New years....
*sigh* have been aroudn anything since then, though i know it wasn't really that long ago... but yeah... its not like i'm a heroin addict, or snorting crack or someting... i happen to like living, and enjoy my organs even though my life isn't at its greatest state right now =/

January 12th, 2003, 09:58 PM
well, my very dear friend, you know what I think you should do. Talk to your aunt and see if she can do anything. Like a drug test, since she's a nurse. And someone had a good idea up there about a school counselor. Or even just one of your teachers. Some of the teachers at our school are shmucks, but some of them are really awesome and good to talk to. Even Akondo would be an okay one to talk to. But yeah, and if you finally decide you want to, talk to my mom, because I know she can help.


P.S. and your mother is the insane one, not you.

January 12th, 2003, 11:29 PM
thankis Sabie, i love you!

and thanks to everyone else as well.... i'm sure i'll eventually get over it, or figure out what to do, but i'm still not really sure right now...

January 13th, 2003, 11:52 PM
love you too, Stina!!! And I do hope that you figure out what you can do with all of the excellent advice given.


February 9th, 2003, 06:13 PM
Fire_Raven, I think you're getting great advice on this thread! Like many grownups, I remember having fights with my parents during my 'teens. It IS confusing, because the need for parental approval is strong. On the other hand, your developmental work now is to separate from your parents and transition to adulthood: that means you use your conscience to become as independant as possible. Now, as a mother of two teenage daughters and one son in his twenties, I have a different read on things (as you will someday :))
You sound like a wonderful, caring, sweet girl. Your concern for your relationship with mom is praiseworthy and I applaud your intelligence for obtaining counselling...good for you! The great thing about therapy is that it is for YOU. It's not for anyone else, and as such, you owe it to yourself to never, ever feel obligated to tell anyone about what is discussed. Your therapist BY LAW must keep what's said confidential. (There are exceptions, but they don't apply here.)
Okay....now I'll assume you're in High School or College, living at home...so how about a part-time job? Meeting people of mixed ages is a wonderful way to find out about the world and your potential place in it while living at home. You also get to earn pocket money.
---You mentioned mom is/was having surgery. Remember the saying that water runs downhill?....Well, if she is upset, some folks discharge anxiety by lashing out at those around them. Sorry, but it's true. Give yourself time to listen to the music you love to calm you, and when you can, please do your best to find little ways to tell mom you love her, even if the best you can do is offer to do something around the house to ease her load. How she reacts, honey, is her business. What is important is your offer. If she reacts poorly the first time you offer, just say nothing and wait. Try again another time.
---I will offer you some honest perspective. As a mom, I know I am far from perfect. I'm trying, and I do the best I can. I know I've had times when I was thoughtless and selfish. Times when I was angry, and lashed out at those I love. I've had to learn to say I'm sorry. I've also said it for the sake of the relationship, not the particular incident. I know without doubt your mom deeply & sincerely loves you.
We aren't always great at being our best selves all the time. If grandma is pressuring you, it is possible she is also giving mom some heat about how she is raising you (I have a mom who does that one! I love her, and tell her to back off, while I'm hugging her. Grandma may feel like she wants to help, but may not know how. :))
Hang in there, we are all cheering for you!!! Hope this is helpful!!!