Minors

[Emaleth]

I'd like to know your opinion about how to deal with minors who want to learn about Paganism.

Today I had a phone call from a 14 year old girl who wanted me to share my experience in Wicca. I must say that I was surprised, the girl seems quite a paradox. Even though she's so young she claims to be practicing for 3 years now. What's more, she says her grandmother introduced her to the Craft.

She asked me if she could write to me and learn more or share experiences. Normally there'd be no problem, but she's still a child (well, according to law at least) and I wouldn't want to do any harm to her. On the other hand, she's not an ordinary girl of 14, in certain areas her knowledge is bigger than mine, in fact I'd learn something from her as well. Apart from that her mother and grandmother know and accept her path.

I'm not sure what to do right now. Should I be in contact with her? I know she'd like to find more people and start a coven, but this is too much, I think.

Thanks in advance!:)

[Xander67]

I would direct her to some of the excellent links in the New Pagan
forum, and invite her to join MW :)

and let her learn a bit on her own at first

[Yvonne Belisle]

If her parents truely know about her choice and aprove I would see about writing threw them so that they have all the aproval over what their child sees. They may have no problem with you contacting her without them as middle men though.

[shnen]

Is there really an issue? as long as you guide her to the right things theres not much you can do.. do you think an xian would think twice about telling a 13 year old about god if asked???

[Danustouch]

I would have her get a signed letter of consent from her parents, before you tutor her, or spend any time with her, at all. If she cannot produce such a letter, then it is best to stay away from the situation.

[MammaStar]

I'm just echoing what's been said. Written Parental Permission. I'm even leary when younger people contact me on the Web via Instant Message. I always say "well, either have your Parent read this now or I'm stopping the conversation." Seems to work, also helps weed out the kids who just watched the movie "The Craft" from the more serious minded ones.

[Danustouch]

Is there really an issue? as long as you guide her to the right things theres not much you can do.. do you think an xian would think twice about telling a 13 year old about god if asked???

The difference is that Christianity is a mainstream religion, accepted as valid by the majority of the population. Paganism is a religion which many people still know nothing about. A religion which faces many misunderstandings, and misrepresentations in the media, society, and within other religious teachings. Thus, it is always wise to err on the side of caution, to avert a possible problem with parents, or community.

Some Wiccan traditions also include things such as skyclad worship, the five fold kiss, the Great Rite, Fertility Symbols, and Sabbats....things which could make teaching a minor a little dangerous to the teacher. Especially without parental permission.

Scenario:

Parents: So...I was looking through your email today, and I came across this letter explaining something called the Great Rite.

Daughter: Yeah...so?

Parents: Well....they seem to be saying that witches have public sex at their rituals.

Daughter: It's not like THATTTTTTTTT.

Parents: What do you mean?

Daughter: It's SACRED.

Parents: Oh..so the practice of having public sex is something very important to their religion?

Daughter: It's a celebration of fertility, and a depiction of the unity between God and Goddesses, male female polarity.

Parents: But....they think it's okay to be naked with eachother in a group environment?

Daughter: Uh huh. As a matter of fact, one of our sacred texts, the Charge of the Goddess says..."And ye shall be free, and as a symbol that ye are free, ye should be naked in your rites". It's called going "Skyclad".

Parents: Time to call the cops. They're encouraging our daughter to run around naked, and have public sex!


********************

Even if the child, or the teacher is never nude. Even if the teacher teaches the symbolic great rite, rather than the formal great rite. Even if the two never meet eachother, it doesn't matter. This might be something which is contrary to the parents own values. And if this is so...it could spell trouble.

[Raevyn]

First, must agree wholeheartedly with Danus - that's spot on the problem.

Emaleth, have you spoken to her mom or grandmother? I would ask to speak to them directly about it on the phone perhaps and see what they think. If they approve, then I'd ask the girl why she was contacting me, and what she needed to know (more specific questions, even such as what Pagan/magical practices do you participate in, what do you believe, when do you practice and how).

I'd probably use email and let her mom know it was being sent so she could take a look too if she wanted.

[mol]

Originally posted by Danustouch
I would have her get a signed letter of consent from her parents, before you tutor her, or spend any time with her, at all. If she cannot produce such a letter, then it is best to stay away from the situation.

This is the best piece of advice you could be given. You MUST protect yourself first. If she is unable to produce any letter or just flat out tells you the parents do not approve then tell her that a bookstore or th net might be the best alternative. Encourage her to discuss it more with her family.

[Mithrea]

While I agree that written permission is necessary 100%, I want to point out how easily it would be for the girl herself to write such letter. I'd want a notarized letter and I'd want to talk to the parents in addition to written consent.

[mol]

Originally posted by Mithrea
I'd want to talk to the parents in addition to written consent.

Aha! Even better...thats the way to do it.

[shnen]

ok ok, never thought of the naked thing... I guess you would have to get consent, but if you went to talk to the parents I would still get it in writing... just in case.

[Danustouch]

Very True. Verbal and Written is the best way to go. If it was JUST verbal consent, they could later say they never consented, and who would know, besides you, that they HAD consented? Maybe you should write up a little info about Wicca, and what you might be teaching their daughter, have them sign it that they read it, and then get verbal consent on top of it. I don't think it is necessary, per se, to get it notarized, though that is not a bad idea. Because since the idea is to protect yourself, if you had a signed consent and later found out that SHE forged it, and it was not obvios that she had, I don't think that you could be held legally responsible, especially if you had also talked to the parents, verbally about it.

[Phoenix Blue]

There's also a legal issue involved. In many states, if you attempt to provide a child with religious guidance without the parents' consent, you can be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

[Old Witch]

There is an excellent thread on this very same topic some where here on MW.....does someone with a better memory than me remember where it was.....It had really sound advice about this.........The legality of teaching a minor is just a very complicated thing..........

[materra]

Here is the link you need

http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?threadid=20691&highlight=parents+permission

[AmbivalentMirage]

I would suggest that if her parents indeed do know about her choice, request that you all meet together somewhere neutral to talk things out. A neutral atmosphere is always relaxing, especially to parents who may be slightly uncomfortable with her choice of faith already. :) Just my 2¢ as a minor. ;)

Personally, I WOULD want my mother to meet with a mentor of mine and find out about the person. Parents are better judges of character than we teens care to admit. ;)

[Stacy]

*nods to all the advices given*

Have nothing else to add..

[Grey]

do you think an xian would think twice about telling a 13 year old about god if asked??? originally posted by shnen
reminds me of the old saying two rights dont make a wrong...

as minor I'd say hey if my parents are willing to let me do this and know about it themselves why not learn from them? if she already ahs she should have no problem producing written consent. However about the meeting thing: Id be in contact with the parents before even mentioning meetin those three, otherwise you could be consdered some sort of internet stalker (your not are you? (twilight zone theme song) otherwise hey why not? if your fine with itthen cool. if she can teach back even cooler. shoot Ive been trying to find a local teacher myself... My situations a bit differrant though.

[Emaleth]

Thanks for all the advice:) . I will have her get a letter with consent from her parents. If it is true what she said about them approving of her choice, there should be no problem.

No, I'm not an internet stalker:D . In fact, she got my phone number from a web site with Polish Pagan contacts and it was her who called me. I was contacted previously, but the poeple were older.

Imagine my surprise when I picked up the phone and heard: "Good evening, I'd like to speak to a Wiccan":D . That's the way it was:) .

Thanks again.