Going Extra Crazy (Advice, Please!)

[Phoenix_Falls]

Eugh!

I'm in the midst of an emotional overload. I realize empaths and sensitive-types have this happen quite a bit, and I've generally been able to deal with it, but I think that it's also intensified because I have two serious mental disorders as well that have decided to become episodic at the same time and it's really stressing me out.

Just for the sake of clarity in what follows, I have (and have been diagnosed as having) schizoaffective disorder (which, if you don't know what that is, is more-or-less high functioning schizophrenia; I like to call it the Asperger's of schizophrenia) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). After a zillion incorrect diagnoses, which is common for schizophrenic disorders, I was diagnosed with the first at about 20 and I was diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 13, so I've been living with the first for five years (longer, if you count the misdiagnoses) and the second for the last 12 years.

The episodes I get for the two disorders rarely coincide since my PTSD is usually triggered by specific things that I can actively avoid, but I've been having an empathic emotional overload for lack of a better term for the last three weeks and that seems to have set off the PTSD and the combination of the two is making the schizoaff-disorder more active.

I have lesions on my brain caused by the schizo-ness (schizocity? lol) that usually give me intense headaches that are accompanied by a round of particularly intense hallucinations and or shifts in my mood/personality, but it seems like the headaches aren't a prelude or a follow-up to anything and they're far more frequent. Because of the PTSD episodes, I'm not sleeping often and when I do sleep, it's never more than an hour and it's never restuful because of the PTSD nightmares.

Then ON TOP of all that bologna, the empathy overload makes it where I just feel super uncomfortable around people but the other two things are making me want to seek comfort in people, in one person in particular that I've been driving away by acting batshit crazy (trust me, I'd stop it if I could). I've had no contact with any of my friends beyond a few IM conversations and one terse phone conversation in the last two weeks and I've had no contact with outside people beyond what was necessary (work/the store/my volunteer work).

I've tried meditating, relaxing baths, grounding, sleeping it off, damn near everything I could think of honestly. Do any of you fine people have a suggestion for me? I'm so over manic-mood swings, personality shifts, and feeling like I can't be around people while simultaneously wanting to be around people.

Any advice would be much much appreciated!


*NB* I was on a pile of all manner of medication before I switched over to high dosages of herbal medications about a year and a half ago with the assistance of my therapist at the time and my doctor. I've never had a problem with the herbal stuff (I had way more problems on the non-herbal stuff) and I know that the meds are not the cause and switching back to standard medication is not an option that is open for debate. I figure I may as well head that off at the pass since that would probably be one of the first things that comes up.

[RaeCori]

:hugz:

[Phoenix_Falls]

bump

[Gladeflower]

I have no idea what your going through
Cant say much, but I am listening.

[Cielamara]

I hate that so many people go "Oh, you should exercise more!" in the face of any sort of mental illness issue, but it might be beneficial for you if you're struggling this much. Maybe take up swimming if that's an option for you? I find swimming to be very meditative and relaxing without TRYING to be. It seems to me like you're also feeling very anxious about this.

[Phoenix_Falls]

I hate that so many people go "Oh, you should exercise more!" in the face of any sort of mental illness issue, but it might be beneficial for you if you're struggling this much. Maybe take up swimming if that's an option for you? I find swimming to be very meditative and relaxing without TRYING to be. It seems to me like you're also feeling very anxious about this.

well, at my complex we have an indoor/outdoor pool and a gym. I stopped going because I CANNOT be around that many people. The gym opens at 5 and closes at 11 and no matter what time I go, there's too many people there. I've taken to doing my exercising outside, mostly long walks because I busted my knee and I have a bad back so jogging/running is out of the question unless I'm on an elliptical machine or in a pool.

Usually exercise and meditation are my go-to calm down methods, but neither is really working. I can't focus long enough to meditate and when I do, I'll be five or ten minutes in when I'll start getting those headaches and I have to stop. I'm also worried about the kinds of energies I'm probably drawing to myself while trying to meditate in such a state. Walking is fine but only for as long as I'm doing it, once I stop, I'm right back where I started not to mention I've had to cut my excursions early several times because I was about to have a panic attack.

I've honestly tried everything I could think of and I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I suppose, just being around a good friend would help, but I've moved cross country recently and the one good friend I do have doesn't have time and I probably won't get to see her until next week, maybe. I kinda just wish I could hibernate it out lol.

[Cielamara]

Well, anxiety comes from feeling out of control. I should know. I have GAD.

Let's see...other things that might help. Do you like to cook? It might bring you some peace to take over the cooking. You can get all Food Network up in there, use whole vegetables, cook from scratch. I find that intensive cooking brings me a great deal of comfort. Also tending plants. It's not the best time of year for plants, but you can get some fussy indoor plants that require some tending. When I still had indoor plants, I used to sing to them and play music to them, and feeling like I was nurturing something was very soothing.

Do you sing? Play an instrument? Music and art are both very nice sources of endorphins--I feel like I'm totally high on life after I've been singing or sewing. When I am particularly blitzed out, I will focus on very detail-oriented things: origami, embroidery, stuff like that. Even if you feel you have NO artistic ability, I am a firm believer that EVERYONE can find an artistic medium that works for them.

[twinkletwinkle]

While I can't say I can understand exactly what you're going through, I definitely sympathize with your difficulties. Hugs and healing thoughts for you.

[herbal_legends]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles :(
I'm no doctor so I'll just say what I do in my case. I've always had anxiety problems and what works for ME is baking or working in my garden it calms my nerves...haha yeah that and my St.John's Wort capsules. What types of herbs are you taking? (just out of curiosity)

[Violetsky]

I have PTSD and used to have severe panic attacks.
I am not sure how to factor in the schizo-affective disorder but can tell you what has been helpful to me.
Yoga, particularly vinyasa style helps to calm your mind, something about movement and meditation that is easier than sitting.
Hot baths,immersing yourself in that element of water helps me with all sorts of things, I would agree that gardening would be beneficial,also long walks outdoors.Even simply washing your hands can be grounding.
I think that your lack of sleep can be triggering panic and I can relate to having bad nightmares that leave you ungrounded, sleepless and on edge.
I am wondering if there is something in your life that is unsettling you. I wonder sometimes if the dreams I have are really related to something going on internally or externally that I am not dealing with,IYKWIM.
Hope this helps.

[Xander67]

whudabout yoga or tai-chi? :idea2:

and perhaps it may be that something in your diet may be causing you trouble, or you need to eat more fruits, and I do mean organic as possible like in pick it right from the tree if you can.

Sometimes a good pre-meditation shielding is good too, bring in the white light, you can never go wrong with the golden white light. Bathe in it, breathe it in deep.. and when you exhale, open your eyes and imagine you are seeing the white smoke come out turning grey... untill it is a black gook..

Keep breathing in the white light and exhaling out the black gook, purge it out... know that when you exhale you are ridding your body and spirit of all that pent up negative energy ..

once you feel you are cleansed enough, then you can begin to recharge the psyche and soothe your third eye with a vowel entonement chant.

I get a real "Cosmic Ker Pow" by doing the Kay-eee chant. im not sure what note it would correspond to, but if you go, "do, re , mi , fa SO... and can match up So, with Kay-eeee then that is the note, not sure if it's middle c or not,

anyways, you breathe in, and when you exhale so entone, Kay-eeeee and really hold the eeeeee as you exhale, if you feel a cool breeze on your face and everything goes dim around you, then you are doing it correctly.. it is an amazing exercise that I learned from a Rosicrucian past district grand master in Philadelphia, sooo good...

[Phoenix_Falls]

Well, anxiety comes from feeling out of control. I should know. I have GAD.

Let's see...other things that might help. Do you like to cook? It might bring you some peace to take over the cooking. You can get all Food Network up in there, use whole vegetables, cook from scratch. I find that intensive cooking brings me a great deal of comfort. Also tending plants. It's not the best time of year for plants, but you can get some fussy indoor plants that require some tending. When I still had indoor plants, I used to sing to them and play music to them, and feeling like I was nurturing something was very soothing.

Do you sing? Play an instrument? Music and art are both very nice sources of endorphins--I feel like I'm totally high on life after I've been singing or sewing. When I am particularly blitzed out, I will focus on very detail-oriented things: origami, embroidery, stuff like that. Even if you feel you have NO artistic ability, I am a firm believer that EVERYONE can find an artistic medium that works for them.

thanks! I hadn't thought about cooking, I'm gonna try that

[Phoenix_Falls]

whudabout yoga or tai-chi? :idea2:

and perhaps it may be that something in your diet may be causing you trouble, or you need to eat more fruits, and I do mean organic as possible like in pick it right from the tree if you can.

Sometimes a good pre-meditation shielding is good too, bring in the white light, you can never go wrong with the golden white light. Bathe in it, breathe it in deep.. and when you exhale, open your eyes and imagine you are seeing the white smoke come out turning grey... untill it is a black gook..

Keep breathing in the white light and exhaling out the black gook, purge it out... know that when you exhale you are ridding your body and spirit of all that pent up negative energy ..

once you feel you are cleansed enough, then you can begin to recharge the psyche and soothe your third eye with a vowel entonement chant.

I get a real "Cosmic Ker Pow" by doing the Kay-eee chant. im not sure what note it would correspond to, but if you go, "do, re , mi , fa SO... and can match up So, with Kay-eeee then that is the note, not sure if it's middle c or not,

anyways, you breathe in, and when you exhale so entone, Kay-eeeee and really hold the eeeeee as you exhale, if you feel a cool breeze on your face and everything goes dim around you, then you are doing it correctly.. it is an amazing exercise that I learned from a Rosicrucian past district grand master in Philadelphia, sooo good...

I can't do yoga because my back is too bad. I try to do simple things, but I can't even hold positions or my back will lock up and I won't be able to move my legs anymore. Also, my diet is pretty good from as far as I can tell. I don't drink pop, I'm an obsessive eater of fruit and vegetables and I take multi-vitamins because I don't eat meat all that often. I think the only thing I really do that's *bad* is occasionally I'll have beer, which I haven't drank at all since I started feeling like this. I'm not even a big junk food eater, honestly. It may be the *amount* I eat though. I only eat once or twice a day, if I remember to, but I've been like that for as long as I can remember.

[Sundragon]

Simple movement Qigong such as Spring Forest Qigong (I love this stuff and do it daily) and meditation (mantra, breath focus) have done a good job of keeping me sane over the years. Plus, these things help out your energetic body to be healthy in regards to any occult/spiritual work.

Spring Forest Qigong is specifically for healing and wellness so I would think that it could be quite helpful in regard to your back difficulties. The movements aren't particularly intense or vigorous so should be safe for your back.


)o( Blessed Be,

Sundragon

[Phoenix_Falls]

Simple movement Qigong such as Spring Forest Qigong (I love this stuff and do it daily) and meditation (mantra, breath focus) have done a good job of keeping me sane over the years. Plus, these things help out your energetic body to be healthy in regards to any occult/spiritual work.

Spring Forest Qigong is specifically for healing and wellness so I would think that it could be quite helpful in regard to your back difficulties. The movements aren't particularly intense or vigorous so should be safe for your back.


)o( Blessed Be,

Sundragon

thanks! Are there any sources for self-reference or is this one of those things where I'd have to take a class?

[Cielamara]

thanks! I hadn't thought about cooking, I'm gonna try that

:D If you don't already, I find sitting down and planning your menu for the week is equally soothing. And watching the Cooking Channel--I like it better than Food Network.

[Sundragon]

thanks! Are there any sources for self-reference or is this one of those things where I'd have to take a class?

Here is the SFQ website:

http://www.springforestqigong.com/index.htm

It is very easy to learn via DVD which is how most learn it, though one could take classes. The basic set called SFQ Fundamentals is only $39.95 and includes a DVD manual and a meditation CD. Pretty good deal.

Here is another site that sells an expanded version of the Level 1 SFQ program:

http://www.learningstrategies.com/Qigong/Home.asp

This was the initial website for SFQ until it grew beyond it. The course sold here is a bit more comprehensive and a lot more expensive IMO unnecessarily. However, it is worth looking at for curiosity's sake alone.

Master Chun Yi Lin, who created the system said that he created this system because many Qigong systems are far too complex and unweildy for their stated purpose.

I think one of the worst lapses in training for occultists, magicians, Wiccans, Witches and Pagans is a lack of focus on energy work. This is largely because there is not a lot of quality energy work in the Western Tradition though Donna Eden does good work. My ability to meditate, focus, and enjoy life overall has been profoundly impacted by Qigong along with a good diet and exercise.


)o( Blessed Be,

Sundragon

[Phoenix_Falls]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles :(
I'm no doctor so I'll just say what I do in my case. I've always had anxiety problems and what works for ME is baking or working in my garden it calms my nerves...haha yeah that and my St.John's Wort capsules. What types of herbs are you taking? (just out of curiosity)

thanks =)

I'm on a whole mess of stuff, but I'm on high dosages of 5HTP which I have to stop taking periodically because no one is really sure of the long term effects so I'll build a tolerance to it and then I have to quit taking it for a month, but that only happens about twice a year. That's for my overall mood. I take a lot of St. John's Wort for my anxiety and paranoia, a veritable cornucopia of vitamins (B3, Omega3, C, folic acid, B12) to maintain my body's PH. Some minerals (selenium, magnese, zinc and dolomite at night) for personality shifts, mood swings, stabilization and sleep. Hyocaimus for auditory hallucinations, aurum met for the times I'm not taking the 5HTP and dietarily, I eat a lot of fresh fruits/veggies and a lot of whole grain

It's more pills than I was taking when I was on antipsychotics, but they had me on enough seroquel to make an elephant take a nap while I was still taking a variety of other cocktails prescribed to me and once they put me on a high dosage of clozaril (which has some serious side-effects), that's when I started downgrading dosages and going on an herbal plan. I like this stuff better. It's not always as effective because I'll build a tolerance and I have to adjust my dosages several times a year, but I don't feel like a robot when I'm on them. Worst side-effect I have is that a lot of this stuff makes me not hungry so I have to set an alarm to remind myself to eat or else I'll go a few days without eating something before I realize it.

[Sundragon]

thanks =)

I'm on a whole mess of stuff, but I'm on high dosages of 5HTP which I have to stop taking periodically because no one is really sure of the long term effects so I'll build a tolerance to it and then I have to quit taking it for a month, but that only happens about twice a year. That's for my overall mood. I take a lot of St. John's Wort for my anxiety and paranoia, a veritable cornucopia of vitamins (B3, Omega3, C, folic acid, B12) to maintain my body's PH. Some minerals (selenium, magnese, zinc and dolomite at night) for personality shifts, mood swings, stabilization and sleep. Hyocaimus for auditory hallucinations, aurum met for the times I'm not taking the 5HTP and dietarily, I eat a lot of fresh fruits/veggies and a lot of whole grain

It's more pills than I was taking when I was on antipsychotics, but they had me on enough seroquel to make an elephant take a nap while I was still taking a variety of other cocktails prescribed to me and once they put me on a high dosage of clozaril (which has some serious side-effects), that's when I started downgrading dosages and going on an herbal plan. I like this stuff better. It's not always as effective because I'll build a tolerance and I have to adjust my dosages several times a year, but I don't feel like a robot when I'm on them. Worst side-effect I have is that a lot of this stuff makes me not hungry so I have to set an alarm to remind myself to eat or else I'll go a few days without eating something before I realize it.

Naturally you should continue with any medication/nutrition regimen that you find effective, but I think it would be helpful to approach this energetically as well. Do Qigong yourself and don't hesitate to work with alternative healers such as good reiki practitioners.

Considering the challenges you are facing, you should leave no stone unturned. And considering that you are a pagan, nothing I am saying should seem too strange. :bigblue:


)o( Blessed Be,

Sundragon